Page 231 of The Parkers' Handsome Holiday
“It took some time, but finally, I began to believe in myself again. Every day, I would replace his awful words with good words of my own. Before I got out of bed in the morning, I would name three things about myself that I liked. I began to take walks with my roommate and fuel my body with healthy food. I even began to fall for someone again.”
Nikki smiled at me. She knew who I was talking about, but she was the only one in the room who knew that I was talking about Cayden.
“I will admit,” I continued. “It’s very hard to put yourself out there again, but I did it. I was scared, and I felt insecure at times, especially when things got physical, but I pushed through all of that. I pushed through all of that because I knew that I deserved to be happy. I knew that my ex was wrong. I wasn’t stupid, I wasn’t fat, and I did deserve someone better than him. I deserved to be happy, so I was happy. And things might not work out with this guy, but it doesn’t matter, because this changed me. It made me believe in myself again. It made me believe in second chances. It made me believe in taking a leap of faith. Ladies, you might fall, but you might also fly. Don’t be afraid to go out into the world and be yourself.”
The room of women began to clap. Before I knew it, I was getting a standing ovation.
“Great speech,” Lisa said, clapping her hands furiously. She was right. It was a great speech because it had come from my heart. I wasn’t bullshitting them. Everything that I said was the truth. Even if Cayden never talked to me again, I would forever be grateful for the experience. It had shaped me into the woman that I was.
After my speech, the women began to leave. Our time was up, we had to go back to the real world and catch up on our work after the long weekend. Not only did I have to get back to my work, I had to face Cayden. I was quite nervous, but it was something that I had to do. He was mad at me, but I needed to talk to him.
I walked into his office and closed the door behind me. He looked up from his work, shocked to see me there. I wasn’t sure what I expected, but I didn’t expect the less-than-polite greeting that I received.
“What do you want?” Cayden asked. I was taken aback by his tone, but I deserved it. I would feel the same way if the tables were turned.
“We need to talk,” I told him. “Not here, but we need to talk tonight. I know that you’re mad at me, and I don’t blame you. I fucked up, but I’m not letting this go. I’m fighting for this. I’m fighting for you. I’m fighting for us.”
Cayden avoided eye contact with me. I couldn’t tell if he was angry or sad. He wasn’t responding to me. I wasn’t sure if I should say something else or not. Truthfully, I didn’t know what to say.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea, Tiffany,” he finally spoke. “I’m still really pissed off at you. You really hurt my feelings with your little stunt.”
“I know…” I started to speak, but Cayden interrupted me.
“I just don’t understand,” Cayden said. “You lied to me, Tiffany. You hid something big from me. Do you still have feelings for him?”
I shook my head.
“I don’t have feelings for him anymore,” I said. I wasn’t lying. I thought I had feelings for Brad all along, but I didn’t. I thought that I needed Brad in my life, but that was the old Tiffany. The new Tiffany had no room in her life for someone who was so self-obsessed and so negative.
“It doesn’t matter if you do or not,” Cayden said, looking back down at his computer. “I don’t have time to talk about this right now, anyway.”
I felt a bit offended. I knew that he was busy with work, but I thought he would speak to me a little bit more nicely. I supposed that I had deserved to be talked to like that, though. I would have spoken to him the same way if our roles were reversed.
“Can you please come over tonight?” I asked. “I want to talk to you. You need to understand where I’m coming from.”
He shut the top of his laptop and looked at me.
“I’ll never understand where you’re coming from, Tiffany,” he said. “I’ll never understand how you could lie to me and see another man behind my back. I can’t trust you anymore. What’s there left to talk about?”
He was making this tough. I had expected some pushback, but I thought that he would be a little nicer than he was. I guess I deserved the cold shoulder. Mandy told me that he might act like this. I should have prepared myself better.
“I’m not asking you,” I said firmly. “We need to talk.”
Cayden sighed.
“Fine,” he said. “I will come to your apartment after work. We will talk then.”
He was obviously ending the conversation, which was fine with me. At least I got him to agree to come over. It was a baby step on the road to recovery.
“Thank you,” I said. I opened the door and walked over to my office. As I sat down, I realized that I was trembling. It was going to be a long day.
CHAPTER 37
CAYDEN
I drove over to Tiffany’s house, unsure of what was about to happen. I had thought about it all day, despite trying to distract myself with work. I had talked to Sarah about what happened over the weekend and she agreed with my mom. Although it was a bad situation, some things were worth fighting for. It was easy for her to say that, though. She had been in a great marriage for years. She didn’t remember the stress of dating someone new. She had forgotten what it was like to be vulnerable with a new person.
Throughout the weekend, I kept changing my mind about the situation. Some days, I wanted to give Tiffany the benefit of the doubt. She had tried to talk to me before I left the office when Austin was sick. But then, I began to think of all the opportunities that I had given her to tell the truth. Tonight would be our make it or break it conversation. Tiffany and I would either come through this as a couple or part ways.
