Page 352 of The Parkers' Handsome Holiday
“I told you that I was coming back,” I reminded him, even though I knew that wasn’t exactly fair. I had told him that I was coming back, and he had told me that he would wait for me. But that had been one of those dramatic moments while we were at the airport, while we were losing one another. And things had changed. I hadn’t really trusted what he had told me either.
Adam sighed and smiled at me. “I know you told me that you were coming back,” he acknowledged, nodding at me. “But there were a few people at work who didn’t believe you were. Something about you taking yourself off payroll. And Kayla says that she’s barely heard anything from you.”
I winced. How to explain this? “I took myself off payroll because it’s not fair for me to be taking in money from the resort when I’m not actually working there,” I said, shrugging. “And besides, we’ve taken a bit of a cut on our profits lately because of Ian. I managed to return most of the stuff that he had ordered, but there were some deposits or percentages of certain payments that the mountain couldn’t get back.”
“You’re not responsible for that,” Adam protested.
“I know I’m not,” I said. “At least not entirely. But I am responsible for making sure that we go through with all the investments that we’ve already promised to our customers. And the only way that we’re going to be able to do everything that I want us to do is to make sure that we keep things operating in the green.” I shrugged. “Anyway, I hate to say it, but it’s not like I need the money. I put a lot of my money into buying the resort and my condo, but I’m not exactly in a tough place right now.”
“And I guess the casino is paying you for the work you’re doing to help Ian,” Adam surmised, nodding. He sighed. “That makes me feel better.”
“I’m sorry I made you worry,” I said quietly.
Adam grinned ruefully at me. “Also not your fault,” he said. “Not entirely, anyway.” He took a deep breath, looking down at his hands. “I just care about you. You probably already know that, but I’m not sure you know how much.”
“How much?” I asked softly, barely daring to hope for the answer.
Adam laughed, looking quickly up at me. “I miss Utah,” he said. “But I realized this morning that if you needed to stay here long-term, or if you didn’t want to come back at some point? Well, I’d stay here with you. I’d do whatever it took.” He paused. “I know I told you before, and I’ll tell you again; you’re going to have to be patient with me. I was sure that after I lost Beth, I was never going to be able to care about anyone like that again.”
He swallowed. “You can’t imagine what it feels like, watching someone you love slowly wither away into nothing. She got sick, and then she got sicker. And the whole time, I couldn’t help but think that it was all my fault. I know, logically, that it wasn’t. But if I had just noticed the signs sooner, if I had been around to help out with Ethan more, maybe she would have gotten checked out sooner and maybe things would have been different.”
He took a deep breath. “I spent the final months of Beth’s life closing myself off to everyone. Refusing to ever feel that kind of hurt again.”
“But you’re not closed off with Ethan,” I reminded him quietly.
Adam looked surprised for a moment. “No, I’m not,” he finally said. “You’re right. And out of everyone in the world, Ethan is the person I would most hate to lose.” He grinned ruefully at me. “But you’re creeping up there, I have to admit.”
I laughed, my heart soaring. That was as close to admitting he loved me as he could manage, I was sure. And it made my own pulse quicken in response. I had already told him, back at the airport before I left Park City, that I cared about him. But I was starting to realize that I cared about him even more than I had realized. And it sounded like maybe, just maybe, he felt the same way about me.
“I’m kind of worried that I’m never going to be as great as Beth was.” I blurted out the words before I had even given voice to that mild jealousy inside of my head.
Adam looked taken aback. I expected him to brush it off, to voice some quiet platitude to make me feel better. I knew that Beth must have been so important to him. That she would always be important to him, whether she was here or not. She lived on in Adam’s memories, and in Ethan.
It was part of why relationships had always made me nervous. I knew that my parents would always love one another, even though they were separated. And I knew that it made every other relationship difficult for them. There were always those comparisons between what you had now and what you had had before. How could I possibly measure up to someone that Adam had chosen to be the mother of his first child?
But Adam didn’t patronize me. Instead, he nodded seriously. “That’s a fair worry,” he said. “And to be honest, I’m really worried that I’ll do something careless to make you feel like you’re second-best.” He paused, and I tried not to let those words hurt me. Did he think that I was second-best? Was he just making do with me because he couldn’t have Beth any longer?
He wasn’t finished yet, however. “I love Beth, still. But you’re so different from her, in so many ways. There isn’t really a comparison there. And I don’t want you to ever feel like you need to live up to who she was. You’re so special in your own way, Bailey.” He shook his head. “Honestly, I didn’t think that I was ever going to be able to open myself up to anyone again, but with you, it was like I never even had a choice. You make me want to be the best person that I can be, all for you.”
I stared at him for a moment, shocked to hear that. Of course, on some level, I had known that that was how he was feeling, but I hadn’t really expected to hear him say that. Not just yet, anyway. I couldn’t help feeling moved by it. I reached out to tangle my fingers in his, squeezing lightly. “I’m coming back to Utah,” I promised him, wondering if he could hear how choked with emotion my voice was in that moment. “We’re going to figure this out.”
I didn’t know how we were going to make things work. I knew that he kept cautioning me that I would need to be patient with him, and I knew that he would need to be patient with me as well. I hadn’t ever been in a relationship like this before. Not a relationship that really felt like it might last.
Not only that, but I didn’t know how we were going to manage to keep things going while I was here in Vegas. I knew that he couldn’t stay here with me for the next few weeks, as much as I might like that. He had responsibilities back in Park City, with the mountain and with his son. I had responsibilities here; the board of directors wanted me to stick around for a little while longer to keep Ian in check.
And the whole reason Ian had brought Adam out here was to thank me for helping him save his job. Speaking of which, I needed to remember to give Ian a call and thank him for this. I still could barely believe what he had done.
But I had a feeling Ian wouldn’t be surprised if he didn’t hear from me until Monday when Adam was on his way back to Utah.
For a moment, I wondered if I should feel guilty about taking a whole weekend to disappear with Adam. I should still be making sure that Ian was okay, that he was doing his work as usual. Especially after he had taken the previous day off, maybe I should check in with the board and make sure that they were still happy with the current arrangements.
The casino business kept going, at all hours of the day, every day of the week.
But Ian would tell me if he needed my help for anything. And I had earned a weekend off, I was pretty sure. I pushed those thoughts out of my mind and just smiled at Adam. He smiled right back at me.
CHAPTER 57
ADAM
