Page 79 of The Parkers' Handsome Holiday
Asher sighed. “Can you help Lina not be sad anymore? She’s too nice to be sad.”
“Yeah, she is,” I said.
“So you’ll fix it?”
“I’m working on it, Ash.”
I left Asher’s door open a crack and went back downstairs to whip myself up a quick grilled cheese sandwich. The day had gotten away from me, and despite the guilt eating at me, I was starving. I’d been at Kelli’s for a lot longer than I thought. I’d have to call her and let her know what happened when I got home. That Lina had left.
Maybe she would still be able to help.
I sat and ate my sandwich alone. Then I cleaned my dishes and was about to flick on the television when my front door opened. I looked over the back of the sofa to see my father stroll in. He went straight into the kitchen and returned with a single glass of scotch. He sat down on the sofa across from me and fixed me with his disapproving stare.
Neither of us spoke for some time. I wasn’t willing to start the dialogue for good reason. I knew my father was going to tell me all the things I didn’t want to hear, and by the time this conversation was done, I was going to feel like an even bigger asshole than I already was.
But he wasn’t going to start it either. He just sat there, staring at me.
I sighed. “I know what you’re thinking.”
“Do you?”
“Yes.”
“Then enlighten me,” he said.
“You’re thinking that this is what I get for stringing her along. For not listening to you. You’re thinking that here I am, yet again, keeping things from Lina Nelson. First, it was Harvard, and then, it was this. I know I messed up. I know I hurt her. I don’t need to hear it right now.”
My father laughed. It was a sound I had never heard come out of him before. There was no mirth or joy to it. It was just this dry, angry sound, and he shook his head at the ceiling as he leaned back on the sofa. “You still have it backwards, Callum.”
Callum. He only ever used my full name when he was really upset. I was in for a rude awakening. I could practically smell it in the air.
My father met my eyes again. “You still think this is about you. You’re still incapable of looking at this objectively. Sure, I’m mad that you repeated your past mistakes, despite my warnings. And sure, I’m mad that you lied to a girl who deserved much better than that. And I’m also mad that you let Lina’s feelings come into play before you put a stop to it. But do you want to know why I’m really angry, son?”
No. No I did not. “Yes.”
My father leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees. He wasn’t the old man he’d become anymore. He was his old self, full of life and strength. “I’m angry that I just had to drive her to a hotel and leave her there, alone, because you let things get this far. I had to check her in because she was in tears, Callum. She was crying over you. And son, I love you, but you do not deserve her tears. Not for this. She is broken and lost, and you had the tools to really help her. Instead, you spent this time trying to become her friend again. Her lover. I’m angry that we’re having this conversation. I’d been hopeful that you would set things right before this happened. This is incredibly disappointing, Callum.”
Talk about a kick to the gut. My father had said all the things I needed to hear but didn’t want to hear. All the things that hurt just as badly as watching Lina walk away and get in his car an hour and a half ago.
I looked down at my hands. “You’re right.”
“I know I am. And yet here we are.”
“Here we are,” I said.
My father took a few sips of his scotch, put the glass down on the table, and slid it over to me. “So how are you going to fix this?”
I picked up the glass and drank gratefully. That was the golden question, the one that held all the weight of the world in its answer.
I sighed and slid the glass back to him. “Not a damn thing I can do. I’m going to let her go.”
My father nodded. “I think that’s the right choice.”
“It hurts.”
He nodded again. “As it should. You love her. You’ve always loved her. Claire was your only reprieve from Lina Nelson. She was the only person who made you forget. And she was stolen from you too early. Much too early, son. And I’m sorry you had to live through that grief. But there will be someone else out there for you. Someone who fits with you and Asher.”
“It could have been her,” I whispered. There had been room in my heart for Lina from the minute I’d first laid eyes on her—from the first time I heard her laugh. She was the one who got away. The one I let go but never forgot. And all of this had been the closest I would ever get to living that reality.
