Page 83 of The Parkers' Handsome Holiday
“Was it really Nick who called and told you where I was?”
Kelli smiled. “No.”
33
CALLUM
I’d been awake since four in the morning. My ceiling was no distraction from my thoughts, which were all about Lina.
I missed her.
She was all I thought about. It had only been a day, sure, but it felt like an eternity, especially after having her presence in my house for the last couple of weeks. Not hearing her voice down the hall in morning, talking to Asher, was a bitter reminder that she was gone. That she had left me.
That I had pushed her away with my dishonesty.
I sighed and draped my wrist over my eyes, blocking out the glare of the winter sun streaming in through the window. It was open by about half an inch, and cold air was pouring in, nipping at my skin as the sun warmed it in unison. It was a refreshing feeling, but it did nothing to ease the loneliness in my soul.
I was right back where I started. I was alone.
I was the same widowed husband I’d been before Lina came in and filled up the dark hole that had existed in me since Claire died. I knew that was why I had held on so tight. I had wanted to keep her here with me forever, even if that meant she never remembered her old life.
“You’re such a selfish asshole,” I muttered to myself as I let my wrist fall from my eyes.
I stared back up at my spackled ceiling. Even it seemed disappointed in me.
I was jerked away from my self-loathing thoughts when I heard my bedroom door creak open. I rolled my head to the side as Asher padded into my room, barefoot and dressed in his Christmas pajamas. He yawned and gave me a sleepy smile.
I rolled onto my side and propped my head up. “Morning, Ash.”
“Morning, Dad,” he said. His voice was quieter than usual from sleep. He yawned again.
I patted the open space on the bed beside me, the space where his mother used to sleep on her side. I’d wake up with a mouthful of her dark hair at least once a week. “Come here, kiddo.”
Asher climbed up on the bed and curled up as I pulled him against me and rested my chin on his head. “How’d you sleep?”
“Good,” he said. “I had a dream about a seal.”
“Oh yeah?” I asked.
“Yeah. His name was Sealy, and he lived in our bathtub, and we made a big pool for him in the backyard. His favorite food was pizza, and he would do tricks for it. But he hated ham and pineapple.”
“Sounds like a seal with good taste.”
“Can we get one?” he asked.
I laughed and kissed the top of his head. “I don’t think it would go how it went in your dream, Ash. Seals need a lot of open water to be happy. They need to swim long distances and catch their own fish to eat. He might be happy with us for a week or so, but then we would have to let him go so he could be happy.”
Asher twisted around to lie on his stomach. He rested his elbows on the bed and put his chin in his hands as he regarded me with too much seriousness for any self-respecting five-year-old. “Is that why Lina had to leave? Because she wasn’t happy here?”
Oh shit. I walked right into that one. Sometimes, I forgot how inquisitive and clever my son was. I sighed and rested my hand on his back, rubbing in slow circles. He loved back rubs and always had. It was how Claire used to put him to sleep when we first crib trained him. “Sort of, Ash. Sort of.”
“Why wasn’t she happy?”
“Well,” I said, trying to figure out the best way to explain this without breaking his little heart into a billion pieces, like my own. “This isn’t her home. She had a whole life before she came to stay with us. The more time that passed, the more complicated things got, and the more Lina wanted to remember. That’s why we went to New York. We had to start finding bread crumbs that might lead her back to her old memories. Does that make sense?”
“Yes,” Asher said, his lips in a pout. “But I still don’t understand why she had to leave. Grandpa said it was important that she be on her own for a little while.”
“Grandpa is wise. You know that. He’s right.”
