Page 212 of The Parkers' Handsome Holiday
“Hi, Daddy.” He looked up from the screen for a split second before looking back down.
“Hey, buddy,” I said, getting back into bed with him. As he watched his tablet, I scrolled on my phone, checking my email. Luckily, there wasn’t much to catch up on. Most of the office had already checked out for the holidays, even though Christmas wasn’t until Wednesday. It didn’t surprise me, though. If I wasn’t in the position that I was in, I would have probably checked out early as well.
As I looked at my phone, an email from Tim popped up. The subject was simply “Tiffany.” I opened it immediately.
Tiffany turned in her first article today – It’s great! She really has a talent. Glad to have her on our team. Can’t wait to have you two collaborate on some pieces in the new year. Talk to you soon.
I shut my screen off after I read the email. I was pleased that Tim was so happy with Tiffany’s work. I knew that she would be a rock star. While I was happy that Tiffany was excelling, I was also a bit torn. If she was doing so well at work, why was she so distant?
I didn’t care what Sarah said. I could feel that something was wrong, and it didn’t have to do with Christmas or her family. It had to do with us, and I would not stop thinking about it until she told me otherwise.
CHAPTER 28
TIFFANY
I walked into the conference room, not feeling like giving a performance to these women about confidence. I considered it a performance because that’s what it would be. I would be acting like I was confident and in control. In actuality, I was far from it. My soul was still shattered from last night.
After I left Brad in the restaurant, I went home. Mandy was working, which I had been happy about. I burst into tears on the couch and laid there for a good two hours in the dark, thinking about everything that had happened that day. I had started the day out happy and carefree and ended it a shell of that woman. Brad had ruined me again. He ruined me because I allowed him to.
I was furious at myself. I should have known better than to meet him. Brad hadn’t changed. I was a fool to believe that he actually would change. I beat myself up all night long. What an idiot you are, I kept telling myself.
As if Brad’s behavior wasn’t enough to make me feel awful, I also felt guilty about Cayden. While Cayden and I weren’t official, we were still something. I wouldn’t have appreciated it if he went on a date with his ex-girlfriend, especially if he didn’t tell me beforehand. I still struggled with telling him or not. If I told him, he would possibly freak out. If I didn’t tell him, things would be okay, but I would still feel guilty. And what if he somehow found out later? Then I would be in real trouble.
I needed to talk to Mandy about it. I texted her when I got to the office this morning. She had come home from work after midnight, but I had hoped that she could meet me for lunch today. I needed a sounding board. I needed someone to tell me that things would be okay, even if they wouldn’t be.
“Good morning, ladies.” I put on a fake smile as I started the day’s conversation. I felt that they could see right through me. I felt like they knew what had happened the night before, that they had heard the rude words that Brad had said about me, but they didn’t know any better. They all acted the same, looking at me eagerly, hoping to gain some wisdom about feeling better about themselves.
“What are we going to talk about today?” a co-worker asked. “Are we going to pick up on our conversation yesterday?”
I wanted to tell her that I had no idea what we were going to talk about. I wanted to tell her that I was a fake. I was the least confident out of all the women in the room. Why did Tim think I would be good at this? I was a phony.
“What would you all like to talk about?” I asked. I found that when I asked questions to people, they would lead the conversations. I needed them to lead today. One woman suggested talking about body confidence at holiday parties.
“I want to wear a skirt and low-cut top to my husband’s Christmas party, but I’m not sure I can pull it off,” another woman said. The women in the room nodded. We all understood the stress that was involved in picking out the perfect outfit around the holidays. It was another reason that I was happy I would be staying home. I wouldn’t have to worry about what I looked like, or what my mother would say. She was notorious for making snide comments about my outfits, even if I felt great in them.
We discussed ways to feel better about ourselves, but I felt like I was just reading a script.
“You just need to rock it!” I told the woman. “You’ll look great and your husband will be happy to show you off.”
She smiled.
“Thanks, Tiffany,” she said. “If it weren’t for all of you in this class, I would probably just end up wearing a boring black dress.”
We chatted for a bit more, but the conversation began to die down early. I knew why. It was me. Although I tried to hide my disappointment from last night, I couldn’t. I ended the class early, telling the girls that I had something important to wrap up before lunch.
“Are you okay, Tiffany?” Nikki asked after class. I shook my head.
“I’m not,” I admitted. “But I will be. Was it that apparent in there?” I felt a bit embarrassed. It was my first week leading this class. I didn’t want the women to think I was a fraud, even if I felt like one.
Nikki shook her head.
“It was obvious to me, but I don’t think anyone else could tell. Is something wrong with Cayden?”
I shook my head.
“No,” I said. “It’s just my family and Christmas bullshit. Like I said, I’ll be okay, I just need to get through the holidays.”
Nikki nodded.
