Page 230 of The Parkers' Handsome Holiday
Austin came into the living room with both the purple and green dinosaurs. He hopped up next to me on the couch and began to play with them.
“Did you have a good Christmas, buddy?” I asked him. He looked up at me and smiled as he nodded his head.
“It was awesome!” he exclaimed. “I got both dinosaurs and a ton of other toys! I had so much fun today. Christmas is the best!”
I smiled. No matter what happened between Tiffany and I, I was happy that I had given Austin a Christmas that he deserved. He was happy, and that was all that mattered to me.
“I love you, Austin,” I whispered to Austin, kissing his forehead.
“I love you, Daddy,” Austin said, snuggling closer to me.
CHAPTER 36
TIFFANY
I walked into the office, dreading giving a speech to my co-workers. We were picking up right where we left off, on gaining confidence and being a strong woman. A strong woman. I wanted to laugh. There had been nothing strong about me this weekend. I had laid on the couch all weekend, filling my face with carbs. I turned my phone off for the entire weekend, too. I didn’t want to talk to Brad, my mom, or Cayden. Even if I had wanted to talk to Cayden, I knew he didn’t want to talk to me.
I didn’t even try to call or text him after he left my mom’s house. There was nothing to say. I had fucked up by not telling him about Brad. I was caught red-handed. After Brad and Cayden left, I had gone into my mom’s house to grab my purse. She was sitting at the table with a smirk on her face. She had done this on purpose. She loved to cause chaos in my life.
I had picked my purse up and left without a word. She knew what she had done. If my mom couldn’t be happy, no one else could be happy either. I wanted to call my sister to tell her what happened, but I couldn’t bring myself to talk to anyone about it. I did finally break down and tell Mandy on Friday, only because she had advised me on hiding the truth from Cayden.
Mandy was more sympathetic than I deserved. I guess she was just playing the part of my best friend. She didn’t tell me that I was a bitch and had screwed up everything with Cayden. She just told me to lay low during the long weekend and try to talk to Cayden on Monday. I listened to her. After my meeting today, I was going to find Cayden and tell him that we needed to talk.
I hoped that he would want to give me a second chance. I knew that I had fucked up, but I wanted to tell him that things between me and Brad were officially over. After seeing Brad, I realized that he wasn’t the one for me. He didn’t bring anything useful into our relationship. He used me.
Realizing how badly Brad treated me made me realize how good Cayden did. Even though I had made a mistake, I deserved to be loved. I deserved to be happy. I silently said a prayer, hoping that Cayden would forgive me. I knew that it might take time for him to trust me again, but I was willing to wait.
“How was your break?” Nikki asked as I walked into the conference room. “How was meeting Cayden’s family?”
I had texted her on Tuesday afternoon to tell her about going to meet Cayden’s parents and Austin. I suddenly wished that I had kept my mouth shut. I would have to pretend that everything was fine. I didn’t want her thinking that there was trouble in paradise. She would just tell Maurice and he would report back to Cayden, making it an even bigger mess. I didn’t want to deal with that.
“It was good,” I said. I wasn’t lying. It was good. It was just the part after that where I screwed up.
“That’s good,” Nikki said. “I met Maurice’s family this weekend, too. Things are going well for us. I think we are going to head to a club downtown for New Year’s Eve. Do you and Cayden want to join us?”
“I’ll ask him,” I said, although I had no intention of asking him. I knew the last thing that he wanted to do was make New Year’s Eve plans with me. Plus, Cayden didn’t seem like the type to party at a club for New Year’s Eve. I wasn’t that type, either. I would much rather stay in with Cayden and Austin, even though I knew it was probably a long shot. I doubted that Cayden wanted to hang out with me on New Year’s Eve. I would probably be at home, alone, just like last year.
The other women began to come into the conference room. They were buzzing with stories about Christmas and the long weekend. As they sat down, I took my spot at the head of the table.
“Good morning, ladies,” I said. “I hope you all had a great weekend. Any stories that you’d like to share?”
A co-worker, Lisa, raised her hand. I pointed to her, letting her know that it was okay to speak.
“Your talk last week about wearing your confidence really helped me at my family’s Christmas party,” Lisa said. “I wore an outfit that I’ve had for a few years, but never felt comfortable about wearing after I had my baby. I wore it and I got so many compliments. It boosted my confidence. I am going to start doing things like that more often!”
The group erupted in applause. I smiled, pleased that I could help someone. I was glad that she had a good experience over the holidays. A few more women shared similar stories. The room had great energy. It was inspiring me, even though I had been in a bad mood due to my fight with Cayden.
“I am so proud of all of you,” I said. “Every single one of you has something special inside of you. If you look around the room, you can see that we are all drastically different. We are different sizes, different ages, different shapes, but we are all here because we want to be the best version of ourselves. We are all fearless. We have hopes and dreams and we are strong enough to go after them.”
“Amen!” one of the girls exclaimed. I laughed as I continued my speech.
“I know that we have only had this class for a short period of time, but there has already been so much growth. We’ve heard stories of women wearing new outfits, going new places, and doing things that they never thought they would do. We are all inspiring and we are all inspiring each other. I had like to take a minute to share my experience with you.”
I had all eyes on me. While I had led the class, I never really talked about myself.
“Most of you know that I have been transforming as well,” I said. “Before I started this job, I was a shell of the person that I used to be. I went through an awful breakup last year with a man who constantly put me down. I was too insecure to leave him. Finally, he left me, for another woman. My life was shattered. I was constantly putting myself down because I kept hearing his voice in my head. He would tell me that I was fat, that I was stupid, and that I would never find someone as good as him. He had beat those words into my head and I believed them.”
I took a deep breath and continued to talk, even though I felt very vulnerable.
