Page 365 of The Parkers' Handsome Holiday
ADAM
I had expected Bailey to have a more difficult time fitting into Ethan’s and my life. I don’t know why I had expected that. Maybe because I remembered how difficult things were when Beth and I first had Ethan. But of course, Ethan wasn’t a crying infant anymore. And not only that, but Bailey was fun in a way that I should have realized she would be.
She wanted to do everything with Ethan; go skiing, go to the zoo in Salt Lake, and really do anything that involved being outdoors. She wanted to spend time with us. Not only that, but she wanted to fit her schedule around ours. She had taken back over a lot of the work in running the resort, on top of the work that she was still doing for the Peters family business.
I could imagine just how much work she was doing at the moment, having taken on a lot of those same duties in running the resort while she was gone, on top of the other duties that I needed to do around the resort. In addition to all of that, she was trying to spend as much time as she could with us.
She and Ethan were getting closer and closer. And I couldn’t help but love watching the two of them interact with one another. I couldn’t help but…love Bailey. In everything that she did, she was just so sweet. Smart. Caring.
But I still couldn’t seem to tell her that.
I wanted to. I really wanted to. But something made me hold back each time. At first, I thought that maybe I wanted to save it for a special occasion. But then, I started to realize that it wasn’t that. I wasn’t waiting for the right moment. I was waiting more for the moment when I could trust this relationship, I supposed.
I didn’t want to say that I was still waiting for Bailey to leave. But I think there was a part of me that was expecting that. Holding back. Trying not to fall in too deep. Maybe it had more to do with what Ian had said to me before about not deserving someone like Bailey. Or maybe it had to do with the fact that I had already lost the first love of my life, my first wife.
I found myself getting more and more relaxed around her. But all the same, it was hard for me to commit to her as deeply as I wanted to.
Especially in the middle of the winter ski season, when there was still plenty of work for me to do around the resort.
And now, here we were, right back at the airport again.
“This is the last time. I swear,” Bailey sighed as she lugged her duffel bag out of my truck. “And seriously, just a week or two this time. Maximum.”
“You said that last time,” I reminded her, but I couldn’t help grinning.
“This time I mean it,” Bailey said. She smiled. “You’re welcome to come back to Vegas to drag me home again if you think that’s what’s needed, though.”
I laughed and put an arm around her. “Hopefully I won’t need to do that this time,” I said, squeezing her shoulder and trying not to let on how nervous I felt about her departure. I knew that she needed to go back and straighten out some final things with the family business. But at the same time, I selfishly wanted her to stay.
Bailey sighed. “I wish I could stay,” she sighed, as though she had read my thoughts. She leaned into me. “But I’ll be back before you know it. I just have this one last meeting with Ian and the head of the board of directors, just to follow up with everything.” She shook her head. “And hopefully at the end of this, I can quit working for the casino and get back to work with the resort the way that I want to.”
“I can’t wait,” I said quietly. I looked down into her eyes, brushing my fingers along her cheek. Then, I cleared my throat, remembering that Ethan was standing there next to the car with me. “We’re going to miss you.”
Bailey laughed and knelt down in front of Ethan. “I’m going to miss both of you too,” she said, giving Ethan a hug. “I’ll make sure to bring you back something cool.” She winked at Ethan while I groaned.
“Spoiling him,” I reminded her, grinning. It had been a common theme over the past month since she had come back from Vegas, but as she kept reminding me, I couldn’t really argue if she wanted to spoil him. Especially since, as she kept telling me, I didn’t do nearly enough to spoil the boy on my own.
We’d originally argued about that, actually. Or not argued, per se, but we had had a bit of a disagreement one day. I’d tried to tell her that I had certain rules as a parent. That I wanted Ethan to learn to work harder for what he wanted. That I wanted him to understand the simplicity of a good day spent outside, either skiing or working with his hands. Or something.
I was surprised to hear Bailey first say the same thing that Dad had said to me; Ethan was a good kid, and I shouldn’t be worried about the way that she wanted to spoil him. But then, she’d added something else; she wanted to do things outside with him, but at the same time, he should get to do whatever he wanted to do now while he was a kid.
It was something that made me think. I wanted Ethan to be happy, but sometimes, maybe I did treat him a little too much like an adult and less like a kid. And that was something that was different between Bailey and I.
The more I thought about it, the more I realized that it wasn’t just that Ethan needed a female presence in his life. It was more that he needed someone just like Bailey in his life. Someone who was going to be sweet to him and treat him like the kid that he was. Someone who was going to be warm and open with him. As much as I and his grandfather tried to be open with him, Dad and I were just a bit careful, I suppose.
So now, watching her say goodbye to Ethan, my heart hurt. I didn’t want her to leave, not for me and definitely not when it came to Ethan. I didn’t want him to miss her, and I would do anything I could to shield him from that. But Ethan seemed surprisingly okay with things. “I’ll see you soon,” he promised her.
Bailey laughed. “Very soon,” she agreed seriously. Then, she straightened up.
I gave her a hug and a quick kiss which she returned. “Soon,” I told her. And right then, the words bubbled to the surface; I love you. But still, I held them back. I didn’t want to say that to her now. If she didn’t come back, I would be gutted. The whole time she was gone, I would be wondering if maybe I had said something that I shouldn’t have, right then. I would be wondering what her real reaction to those words was.
I held back. She didn’t seem surprised, grinning a little as she leaned in for another kiss. As she pulled away and winked at me, I knew that she knew just what she had done. With that little kiss, she had kept me from feeling as though I had to say anything in response. She had kept me from feeling as though I needed to make an excuse.
I couldn’t begin to tell her how wonderful she was. She just got me in a way that no one ever had before. She didn’t take my inability to tell her that I loved her as a slight. Instead, it was a little secret between the two of us. She knew just how I felt about her.
I loved her all the more because of that.
Bailey headed into the airport, looking back over her shoulder to wave at the two of us, and it was all I could do not to go after her. There was a part of me that wanted to tell her that I didn’t want her to leave. That wanted to profess my love to her and tell her that I was afraid to lose her. There was a part of me that wanted to maybe pull Ethan out of school so that we could follow her to Vegas.
