Page 366 of The Parkers' Handsome Holiday
But I knew that Ethan and I belonged here. And I was starting to realize that Bailey did as well. She belonged at the resort, and she belonged by the fire with us. She belonged with us when we went skiing together, and she belonged with us when we did other things outdoors.
She belonged in our lives. In a way that I never could have expected.
“I miss Bailey,” Ethan said as he and I stopped for dinner on the way home.
“Me too, buddy,” I sighed, trying not to sound too sad at losing her. She would be back, I promised myself, even though just like with the first time, I was afraid that it might take a little while before we saw her again.
“When will she be back?” he pressed.
I didn’t know what to say to that. “I don’t know,” I finally settled on. “She needs to finish up some work, and she needs to chat with some people to make that happen. I’m sure she’ll be back as soon as possible, though.”
“Well yeah, she promised that,” Ethan said, rolling his eyes. “Duh.”
I grinned at him, unable to help it. “And until then, I guess you’ll just have to keep getting better at skiing,” I joked.
“Uh huh,” Ethan said. He cocked his head to the side as he picked up his burger. “Are you going to marry her?”
I stared at him for a moment, surprised by the question. Not that I should be. I knew that kids Ethan’s age asked questions like that all the time. They were inquisitive, and they didn’t understand that there were some things that an adult might like to keep private. They didn’t understand that questions like that could hurt a person.
How did I respond?
The truth was, when I thought about Bailey, it was easy to think about marrying her. She fit so perfectly into my life and Ethan’s life. She was there for us in ways that I never could have expected. At the end of the day, there was no one else that I could picture by my side, not now that Beth was gone.
She was different from Beth. But I was different from the man that I had been as well. And somehow, she and I fit together so perfectly.
“I don’t know,” I finally told Ethan in response to his question.
“But you love her, don’t you?” Ethan persisted.
Again, I had to stare at him for a moment, trying to figure out just what to say to him. Slowly, I nodded. “I do love her,” I admitted. I paused. “You love her too, don’t you?”
“She’s the best,” Ethan said simply. But he was frowning. “Did you tell her that you love her?”
“Not yet,” I admitted.
“Why not?” Ethan asked, sounding genuinely confused. And for his young mind, it probably seemed so obvious that I should tell her. After all, if I loved her, why not let her know that? Even he had managed to tell Bailey that he loved her. How did I explain to him that things could be so complicated sometimes in adult relationships?
But suddenly, Ethan grinned. “It’s a secret surprise,” he said confidently.
I nodded slowly. “It’s a secret surprise. For now,” I agreed.
“Don’t worry, I won’t tell,” Ethan promised. He paused. “But maybe if you told her, she would stop going away.”
I sighed. “I know, buddy,” I said.
Of course, it was more complicated than that. Just because I told Bailey I loved her, it didn’t make her responsibilities to her brother and the family company magically vanish. But at the same time, I knew that Ethan was right and that I should tell her. Not only that, but I had the feeling that if I could just tell Bailey that I loved her, maybe I wouldn’t have to worry every time that she wasn’t going to come back. Maybe I wouldn’t have to worry that she would find someone else who would say those three words to her first.
I needed to talk to her. I needed to tell her how I felt.
But I needed to do that in person. Meaning that I had missed my chance for now and needed to wait until she was back from Vegas. No sweat, right?
I felt nervous already, and I knew that I was going to feel this way until she got back. But for the first time, I realized that the nervousness was actually more made up of excitement than fear. I knew that Bailey and I were on the same page and that she loved me. I wasn’t afraid that if I told her I loved her, she would leave me. Instead, I was more excited for the future that we would build together. Sure, it might be a little scary, but it was also a wonderful thing, to be at this place in a relationship.
I had to start treating it that way, rather than worrying all the time.
I smiled at Ethan, and he beamed toothily back at me. He didn’t know what was going through my head, but as far as he was concerned, I loved the same person that he loved, and all was right in his world. Maybe it really could be just that simple.
CHAPTER 66
