Page 508 of The Parkers' Handsome Holiday
“There is such a thing as overconfident, sir.”
“Hughie.” I turned to him and grabbed him by both of his shoulders. “Has anyone ever told you that you stress too much?”
He frowned. “Well, yes, sir. You have. Several times a year, actually.”
I sighed. “And you still haven’t taken a hint?”
“It’s how I’m wired.”
“Right.” Past Hugh, I saw Tinsely emerge from the back of a car in her elf outfit. It was a new outfit, one I hadn’t seen her in before, but had some of the same qualities as all the old ones. The tutu was bigger and gold, the same shade as her shoes, which had the signature jingle bells on them. Her leggings were dark green, her shirt red, and she’d convinced the wardrobe people to let her wear a fluffy white half-coat that didn’t cover the tutu, but would help her stay warm for the parade.
She hurried over, jingling all the way.
Hugh heard her coming and spun around. “Oh good! You’re here!”
She smiled up at him. “Merry Christmas, Hugh.”
“Yeah, yeah, merry Christmas, Tinsely. You two, up to your seats. Let’s move, or they will start without you.”
Tinsely nodded at Hugh as we took to the steps. “He’s a real Scrooge this morning, huh?”
“I heard that, Miss Jingle Toes!” He barked.
Snickering, Tinsely and I hurried up the stairs. At the top, she stopped me and pulled my hat and fake beard out of my pocket. She helped me put them on, as well as a pair of prescription-free spectacles that sat at the very tip of my nose. My suit wasn’t tailored nicely and was an oversized, unflattering, jolly old sack secured around my waist with a thick black belt and gold buckle.
We’d decided that the whole Naughty Santa thing was fun for fundraising and events, but this parade was for the kids, and I didn’t want the sexy Santa to be the one they saw on TV today. It didn’t feel right.
So the slob-suit it was.
Tinsely fixed my hat and fluffed up the white beard. “Perfect.”
“You know, I might look like this when I’m old.”
“I’ll trade you in for a younger model.” She patted my stomach. “And I’ll take you for half your worth.”
“What sort of Christmas spirit is that?”
She shrugged. “Just saying. I’m a planner by nature.”
“Note to self,” I said as I followed her up to my chair on the float to the applause of New Yorkers gathered on the sidewalks. I waved to kids balanced on their father’s shoulders. “Don’t get fat, develop poor eyesight, or grow a beard. Got it.”
She winked and settled down on her perch on the armrest of my chair. “You’re a quick learner. Now come sit down, Santa. The parade is about to start.”
Seconds after my ass hit my seat, the float gave a little lurch forward, and the parade began. Music played and the crowd cheered. Snowflakes fluttered down from the sky while a giant balloon Santa was towed through the streets, bouncing around on the end of his rope as we passed between high-rise office towers.
Tinsely and I waved at children and turned our microphone headsets on.
“Ho, Ho, Ho!” I cried.
“Merry Christmas,” Tinsely sang.
Children squealed. Brothers ushered little sisters to the front of the crowd for a better look. Sisters tugged on their brothers’ sleeves and pointed up at us. Dancers on the street dressed in festive costumes tossed candy canes into the crowd as they passed.
Tinsely crossed one leg over the other. “Santa says all you kids were good this year! You should be proud! Take that, Mom and Dad!”
Chuckling, I put a hand on her knee. “Tinsel the elf also wants to tell you to be just as kind this year. Take care of each other. There’s always room on my Naughty and Nice lists. You know, I’ve just remembered something, Tinsel.”
Tinsely blinked slowly at me. “It’s Tinsely.”
