Page 64 of The Parkers' Handsome Holiday
Oh. Right. I peered down into the contents of my half-drunk coffee cup, like there was something in its dark depths that could get me out of this mess. Nothing appeared. No caffeine savior lurked down there. “Not far from here. There’s a graveyard outside the city. She and your father are both there.”
“Did we ever go there? You and me? When we were together?”
I nodded. “Yes. On her birthday.”
“My mom’s?”
I nodded again.
She looked down at her hands. “Is it weird if I ask you to take me there?”
I shook my head. Words seemed currently unattainable.
“Today?” Her eyebrows drew together. “I can’t explain it, but I feel like I need to go now.”
I put my hand on her knee. “We can go now. I’ll clean up. You get some warm clothes on. We’ll drop Ash off at my dad’s on the way.”
She smiled and cupped my cheek. “Thank you.” Then she kissed me. It was short and sweet, warm and minty. Lord, help me.
She hopped up off the couch and hurried up the stairs to get changed, leaving me staring down into my coffee cup once more, wishing I hadn’t blown things on Christmas Day. Wishing I’d had the strength to do what I should have done from the get go, rather than string along a girl who had no memory of what I’d done to her. How much I hurt her. How far apart our lives had grown.
I swung my legs down from the coffee table and went into the kitchen to wash out my mug. A knot of nerves had gathered in my stomach, and I knew it would stay there until we were back home. A quick call to my father confirmed that he was fine with watching Asher for an hour or two.
Asher came downstairs, and I told him the plan. He picked a couple toys from under the tree to bring to his grandpa’s for the afternoon, and by the time he’d packed them up, Lina had come downstairs and was bundled up to brace against the cold. She looked great, as always. She had on the same over the knee black boots she’d worn to the Christmas Eve special, but today, she was wearing a different, more casual jacket. It was navy blue, thick and made of wool, with a sash around her waist.
We all piled into the car, and I hit the road, heading to my father’s. When we pulled into the driveway, the car was just starting to get warm. I left the keys in the ignition and glanced at Lina. “I’ll just walk Ash to the door. Then we’ll go. Stay here where it’s warm.”
She smiled. “Tell your dad I say hello.”
“I will.”
I got out and so did Asher, and we both walked up the drive to my father’s front door. He opened it up before I knocked, and Asher bolted by him into the house, hollering “Goodbye, Dad” over his shoulder as he went. I smiled and shook my head as he disappeared around the corner in the living room.
“You didn’t tell her,” my father said. It was a statement, not a question. His eyes were flat, and the way he looked at me was the same way he used to when he’d caught me cheating on a science exam back in school.
I sighed and slipped my hands into my pockets. “The timing wasn’t right.”
“It’s never going to be right, Cal. You’ve let it go too long. It’s going to keep getting more and more wrong.”
“I know, Dad.”
“Apparently, you don’t because here you are, still stringing her along.”
“I’m not—”
“You are.”
I looked down at the welcome mat upon which I stood. He was right. There wasn’t a damn thing I could say to defend myself. So, I didn’t. “I know, Dad. I just… I don’t know if I can do this.”
“Do what?” my father asked. His voice had a sharp edge to it. He was angry with me. It had been a long, long time since I’d heard that tone.
“Lose her again.”
He stiffened. “Look at me, Cal.”
I lifted my gaze and met my father’s cool, stern stare.
“What you want and what you feel doesn’t matter. What matters is that Lina is given the proper chance to remember who she is. You are stealing that from her. You are behaving like a child. She isn’t yours to lose.”
