Page 65 of The Parkers' Handsome Holiday
I nodded.
My father sighed, reached out, and put his hand on my shoulder. “You are my son, and I know better than anyone that you’re a good man. You’re strong enough to do the right thing and to admit when you’ve made a mistake. So do it. Don’t let things get worse than they already are. If you don’t tell her, I’ll have to. And that isn’t fair to her or to me.”
I cleared my throat and swallowed. Then I nudged the corner of the welcome mat with the toe of my boot. “I won’t make you clean up my mess, Dad. I’ll tell her.”
“Good. Now go. She’s waiting for you.”
I went with my head hung low and my shoulders slumped. If Lina noticed my shift in demeanor when I got back in the car, she didn’t mention it. She turned on the radio, found a station she liked, and drummed her fingers on the door panel to the beat as I pulled out of the driveway. We both waved to my father, who still lingered in the doorway, as we pulled away.
Neither of us said anything as we drove outside the city limits. Finally, I worked up the nerve to start a conversation. “Are you nervous at all?”
Lina looked over at me. She shook her head. “No. I don’t think so. Do you think I should be?”
“No, but I would understand if you were.”
She nodded and bit down on her bottom lip. The skin turned white. Maybe she was lying. Maybe she was nervous.
I sighed.
“Is something bothering you, Cal?”
I knew I shouldn’t say anything, but I did anyway. “I just don’t know if this is the best idea.”
“What do you mean?”
I frowned. I should have kept my mouth shut. I thought it was a bad idea for my sake. I didn’t want her to remember.
That realization hit me like a knife to the gut, and I grimaced with self-loathing.
“Cal?”
She was looking at me. I felt like the weight of the world was on my shoulders. I shook my head. “Nothing. I don’t know why I said that.”
Lina pursed her lips and stared out through the windshield as I turned down the lane that drove through the middle of the cemetery. Trees naked of leaves loomed on either side of the car, reaching up to the gray sky with twisted branches. “Cal, you can tell me anything, you know?”
Fuck. “I know.”
Lina reached over and took my hand. She entwined her fingers with mine and rubbed her thumb along the back of my hand. “It will be all right. I have a good feeling about this. Moms have a way of reaching us, right?”
I clenched my teeth. “Right.”
26
LINA
I could tell that something was off with Cal, but for the life of me, I couldn’t figure out what it might be, so I didn’t say anything about it. My mind conjured up dozens of possible explanations during the drive to the cemetery, and by the time we arrived, I had to coax myself away from all the negative thoughts.
Maybe he’s tired of me and wants me to move out of his house.
Maybe his whole family thinks I’m intruding and have overstayed my welcome.
Maybe he’s over this whole memory-loss thing.
Maybe he thinks I’m faking it.
Maybe he wishes he’d never asked me to stay with him.
Maybe he got what he wanted when we had sex on Christmas Day.
