Page 67 of The Parkers' Handsome Holiday
I pointed at the flowers. “No one has been here in a long time. Did I not used to come and visit?”
Cal’s grip on my shoulder tightened. “Life gets busy, Lina. I don’t think you were able to come here as often as you would have liked.”
I nodded, even though what he was saying seemed strange. If I lived so close by and worked for him, why wouldn’t I have made the time to spend twenty-five minutes in the car to get here? At least to change the flowers. To sit by their spot and be with them. Maybe I wasn’t that kind of person. Maybe it was too hard to come here.
Maybe I had forgotten them.
“Cal?”
“Yes?”
“What did I do after high school?” I asked.
Cal hesitated before answering. “You know, Lina. We sort of drifted apart after school. I went away to Harvard, and you went to New York. You got a degree. In communications, I believe.”
“Really?”
He nodded.
I frowned. “And I didn’t get a career in that field?”
He shook his head. “No.”
I slipped out from under his arm so I could look up at him. I needed to look him in the eyes. “I don’t know if what you’re telling me is the truth. There’s no way for me to know.”
“Lina, I—”
I shook my head, and he fell silent. “But when I’m with you, something feels right. I feel safe. I feel like I’m home. I know that might sound crazy to you. It sounds a little crazy to me, too. But I can’t explain it. I have nothing—nothing—to look back on and know it’s me. All I have is you and Asher and your dad, and you’ve all been so kind to me. So, I hate to do this, but I need to ask another favor.”
“Anything,” Cal said. His voice was thin.
“I think I want to go to New York to see my old school records. I think it’s time to stop waiting around for my memories to come back. I think I have to go find them. Like what we did today. I found my mom and dad. I have to keep searching. Even if I don’t remember, at least I’ll have an idea of what my life was like before all this.”
Cal nodded. “We can leave tomorrow.”
I blinked. “Really?”
He nodded again. “Yes. You’re right. You need to know. And I still have some holiday time before the New Year. There’s no better time than now.”
I threw my arms around his shoulders. It took him a moment, but he hugged me back. He wrapped his arms around my waist and buried his face in the groove of my shoulder. Something was still wrong. I could feel it in my bones. But I didn’t dare ruin the moment.
I was another step closer to finding myself. I had to look at that as a victory today.
And whatever was bugging Cal couldn’t be that serious if he was willing to drop everything and fly to New York with me just like that.
I pulled away, and he smiled at me. “Do you want to stay longer?” he asked.
I shook my head. “No, it’s okay. We can go home.”
He offered me his arm again, and we made our way back to the car. The frozen blades of grass crunched beneath our boots and lay flat in our wake.
The heat in the car warmed me up. I held my hands in front of the vent, and so did Cal, and he shot me a sheepish smile that made him look more like himself than he had all morning.
I chuckled, and he put the car in drive. We drove down the lane, and I felt full. I was taking the right steps. I just had to keep moving, searching, and discovering.
Everything would fall into place. And then I could figure out what this thing was between me and Cal. I could figure out if he was my future, or if he was someone better left in my past.
I hoped it was the former.
