Page 92 of The Parkers' Handsome Holiday
Cal swallowed, and then he nodded. “All right.”
I leaned back in the sofa as a weight lifted off my shoulders. I was going to get some real answers. Finally.
Cal didn’t look me in the eye when he first started talking, but I didn’t care. I wasn’t here for eye contact. I was here for the truth. No matter how much it hurt. No matter what was revealed when the curtains were drawn back.
“We were together for a little over two years,” he said. “But we knew each other for a lot longer than that. We went to the same school and lived only about a five-minute drive from each other after you moved in with Kelli’s family. We hung out as friends for a couple of years until neither of us could stay away from each other. And then we became us. A couple.”
He smiled sadly and continued. “Everything made sense when we were together. After a year of being a couple, we started making plans for our future. We spent our final year of high school deciding where we would go to college together and what our plans would be after that. Where we would live. What careers we would have. When we would get married and when we would have children. It was perfect. We were perfect.” His voice had grown sad. Lost. He looked up at me. “And I ruined it.”
I nodded to encourage him to keep going.
He did.
“I applied to Harvard for pre-law, and you encouraged me. You knew it was my dream, and you said we could work it out together if I got in. That you would come with me and take a year off school if you had to. Kelli’s parents wouldn’t be happy, but it didn’t matter because we would still be together. I agreed. But it didn’t go that smoothly. I got my acceptance letter to Harvard, and as soon as I read those words in that letter, something inside of me changed. We were so fucking young, Lina, and I was suddenly filled with doubt and fear. Instead of talking to you about it, I covered it up and lied. I let you believe I hadn’t gotten in, and we spent months continuing to make plans that I knew I wouldn’t follow through with. I led you on, Lina.”
I shrugged. “You were a teenager.”
“I was a selfish boy who prioritized my needs over yours.”
I nodded. “Still a teenager.”
He sighed. “Anyway, I told you the night of high school graduation when I literally couldn’t put it off any longer because I was leaving the next morning. I gave you twelve hours’ notice that I was leaving the city and wouldn’t be coming back until Christmas. You tried to work things out. You wanted to try the long-distance thing. You wanted to make things work. And fuck, I should have tried, too, because if I had, maybe I never would have lost you. But I didn’t. I wanted to be alone. I thought it was what was best for both of us. We were so young, and there was still so much to do that I thought I was right to make that decision for both of us.”
“How did it end between us?” I asked.
“You walked out. And you told me that I’d ruined everything. And you were right.”
“It seems a bit overdramatic,” I said.
“No. If you remembered us and what we were together,” he shook his head, “you’d know you were right. I blew it. I destroyed the best thing that ever happened to me. And when we met up at the reunion a few weeks ago, you said the same thing to me. That I’d ruined you.”
“The reunion before the crash?”
He nodded. “Yes. I tried to talk to you. I thought that maybe fifteen years had been enough for you to forgive me. But I made things worse. I upset you, and you left the party, got in your car, and hurt yourself. The blame is on me for that. It’s on me for everything.”
“Cal—”
He shook his head. “I’m not done. Not only did I hurt you fifteen years ago, and then again a few weeks ago, but I continued lying to you. I did everything I could to try to keep you in my life a little longer because that’s how desperate I was. You made something inside me feel whole again, and I was so fucking selfish that all I could think about was how good I felt. I didn’t give a second thought to how unfair it all was to you. You should have been with Kelli. Not with me. You should have been spending these weeks relearning yourself, rather than spending all your time here. I’m sorry Lina. Truly, I am.”
I swallowed. “Wow. This is a lot to process.”
He sighed. “I know.”
“I think I need some time to sort through it all, Cal.”
“I understand. You don’t owe me anything, Lina. If there’s anything else you want to know, I’ll tell you. Just ask.”
I shook my head. “You told me what I needed to know. Thank you. I know it wasn’t easy.”
He scoffed. “Only because it took me so long to be honest with you.”
I stood up, and he followed. “I’m heading back to New York tomorrow morning. I got in touch with my agent, and I’m going to meet him. He had no clue what happened to me, and he said he’ll help me get into working again. If that’s what I want. I still have a lot of decisions to make. But I think going back to where I was before all of this will help.”
Cal nodded. “I think so too. Are you sure there’s nothing else you wanted to know?”
I shook my head. “I’m sure. Walk me out?”
He followed me to the front door. I took my jacket off the hook, and he held it out for me as I slid my arms into the sleeves. I did up the buttons and the sash, tightened my scarf up so that it was nestled under my chin, and smiled at him. “Thanks again for talking to me.”
