Page 55 of One Night Rancher

“Are you suggesting that I should be uncertain about what I want from her?”

“Not at all,” said Kit. “I just thought maybe you guys were engaged in some kind of serious slow burn and you were just now ready to tell us all. I didn’t know that it was like best friends, then you finally hooked up, and you’re getting married right away. You didn’t even have a chance to find out she’s pregnant.”

“We don’t all have unprotected sex, Kit,” said Jace. “You got your wife pregnant the first time you hooked up, but I don’t think I got Cara pregnant.”

“Whatever. It’s how I snared Shelby, so I’m not sorry about it. There was no way she was looking for a relationship after losing her husband. The baby is what clarified some things.”

“Again. Good for you. But the way I see it, it just kinda clicked into place, and I’m not a guy that does uncertainty. I care about her. So she needs to be in my life. Forever. Also, I can’t have her hooking up with anybody else. Not gonna work. Not after that.”

“Are you in love with her?” Chance asked.

The word scraped raw up against the inside of him.

“My feelings for her are stronger than my feelings for anyone else.”

“No. That doesn’t cut it. Are you in love with her? Are you giving her everything?”

“Everything I had to give,” he said. “Look. I’m just not... I’m not into that. I’m not into this kind of impossible to define fantasy shit. I like what’s tangible. That’s why marriage is so fast. I don’t just want to see where things go. I know I want her in my life forever. What more do I need to know?”

“I feel pretty damn strongly,” said Chance, “that marriage is a lot about hope. And a whole lot about magic that you can’t quite see or touch. Hell. Remember, I had to get amnesia to end up with my wife. Don’t tell me there wasn’t some kind of... Mystical intervention that happened there. It’s not about just being practical. It’s not about everything that you can see and touch. It’s about something more than that.”

He rebelled against that. “Not for me. I don’t believe in that kind of thing.”

“You better start. Otherwise... I think it’s going to be tough for you.”

“I’ve made the decision that I’m gonna make, and I’ve got everything that I want.”

“Right now. But what can happen when she wants more from you.”

“I don’t know what more there could be. She’s important to me. Essential enough that I’m willing to tie myself to her forever. I don’t want to be with another woman. That became clear the minute that I touched her. I...”

“Why do you think this isn’t love?” Kit asked.

“I don’t know,” he said. “Who cares what you call it. Maybe it is.”

But something in him pushed back at that, and hard.

Like walls he had built around his soul were reinforcing themselves. Reminding him why they were there.

“I’m marrying her,” he said. “What difference does it make what we call it?”

“I guess no difference,”

“There you go. Just say congratulations and that you’re happy for me.”

“I am,” said Chance. “But the thing is, being with Juniper healed something inside of me. But you can’t go into marriage the same and expect for it to work. Expect for it to heal you.”

“I’m not looking to be healed,” he said.

“Why not?” Kid asked.

“Because,” he said. “Sophia is dead, and there’s nothing anyone can do about it. She’s gone. She’ll always be gone. So the wound should never go away.”

He looked down at the whiskey glass he was holding and frowned. It had a butterfly painted on the side.

He looked at the other glasses on the table in the room. Each had something different. It wasn’t significant.

They didn’t talk about him anymore after that. They just finished playing darts.

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