Page 165 of Dirty Discipline, Vol. 1

Too Strong To be Weak by Delia Grace

Chapter One

January 15th

Victoria Faherty walked out of the commissary pushing the cart with baby Isaac, holding onto Gideon’s hand, and yelling at “the twins” running ahead. “If you step foot in that street before me everyone will be going to bed directly after supper tonight. Don’t even test me!”

Joel and Jesse stopped short on the edge of the sidewalk and looked at her sheepishly. Mama was not playing today. The kids had been relatively behaved in the store. Jesse especially had worked extra hard to help Tori find everything she needed and keep the littlest ones entertained. Everyone had actually completed their homeschool tasks for the day before lunch, but she couldn’t let down her guard for a second or the troops would revolt. Having four boys under six was not for the faint of heart. Add to that her husband, David, had been deployed more months than he had been stateside over their marriage, and Tori sometimes felt like she deserved a purple heart just for holding down the fort at home. It was often grueling, and incredibly lonely, but she did it well. She had known coming into this marriage that it would be difficult, but neither of them could have foreseen her almost rabbit-like fertility. She glanced at the pink box in the buggy and held back a groan. Children are a blessing, children are a blessing, children are a blessing… She recited the mantra she and David had always held to over and over in her head, but it was getting harder and harder to feel joy after she saw those two lines show up. Especially this time because Isaac wasn’t even three months yet. All of her children were very close together, but less than a year between babies was a record even for her.

Pregnancy wasn’t especially hard for her, but having so many back-to-back was taking its toll on her body. Not to mention that she never had a moment to herself. David had insisted before he left this last time that they budget in for a mother’s helper, so she could have a couple afternoons a week to herself. But Tori had felt like that would be showing weakness, and Victoria Faherty never showed weakness. So, she had been putting the money into a savings account. That way she could surprise David when he got back. Maybe they could take a nice trip somewhere or invest in a nicer vehicle. Their twenty-year-old Dodge caravan had definitely seen better days. It was immaculate. Tori never allowed any eating or drinking in the vehicle, --and she always made sure it was up-to-date on oil changes and seasonal tune-ups. But there was no getting past it was an older car, and it would be nice to have something other than the radio to listen to on long trips.

Once she had buckled everyone into their seats and packed all of the sacks into the trunk, Tori drove back to their small townhouse. It was a two bedroom, but the rooms were quite spacious. The three older boys slept on pyramid bunks in one room, and Tori had converted the walk-in closet in the master bedroom to a small nursery for Isaac. He was still nursing at night, and it was easier to have him close by.

“Mama? Can we get pizza for dinner? We haven’t had pizza in forever!” Joel shouted from the backseat.

“First off, is that your inside voice?” She glanced in the rearview at her first born, by 3 minutes, and quirked her eyebrow.

He sighed, but said in a much lower tone, “No, ma’am. But Mama-”

“Secondly, I didn’t hear a please…”

He let out a quiet grr. “Mama, can we please have pizza for dinner?”

She tried to hide her smile at his exasperation. He was right. They hadn’t had pizza in months, and they did pass a Little Caesar’s on the way home. It would be so easy to pick up a $6 hot and ready. But she prided herself on feeding her family home cooked, from scratch, economical meals, and it always made her feel like a failure if they ate out.

Shaking her head, she looked in the mirror again. “Sorry, buddy. Not today. You guys finish up your workbooks, and we can have pizza as a reward. Good deal?”

Her son glared at her. He looked so much like his father when he furrowed his brows. “Fine. It’s not like you’re really asking me anyways.”

Both her eyebrows shot up at this. “Excuse me? Would you like to try again, young man, or do I need to pull this car right over?”

He shook his head. “No, ma’am! You don’t need to pull over. I’m sorry! Umm… Yes, ma’am that’s a good deal, and I can wait patiently.”

She nodded. “Good job.”

She cringed inwardly. Sometimes dealing with her sons made her feel like an evil jail keeper. She loved to do things that gave them joy, but knew that too much of a good thing made spoiled brats. And, she was not going to raise brats. Her heart twinged thinking for a moment of her brother. He had been her mother’s favorite, always getting everything he wanted, and where had that landed him? Jail at nineteen for selling pot to a neighbor. And then, in and out of rehabs until he had died from an overdose on heroin in his early twenties. Her resolve tightened. No sirree, her sons were not going to grow up to be like her brother. They were going to be respectable, functioning members of society. David felt the same way she did, although sometimes when he came home, he had a hard time upholding her rules because he missed the boys and it was easier for him to be soft with them. But she didn’t have that luxury. She spent day in and day out with them, and she had to maintain her firm front. If she gave in an inch, they’d take a mile.

Once they got home, she smiled at her sons. “Man your battle stations.”

The twins unhooked their brother, then the three of them hopped out of the car and stood on the sidewalk ready for action.

Tori smiled, popped the trunk, and started loading them up with bags. They really were good little helpers, and very strong for their ages. She grabbed the baby and the last few remaining bags, then led everyone into the house. “Joel, you’re on frozen today, Jesse, you’re on fridge, and Gid, you and Issac are on pantry duty with Mama. Let’s see if we can break our record from last week—Go!” Everyone started rummaging through the grocery sacks and hurrying to put it all away in their proper places.

Just as Tori was instructing Gideon where to put the last can of kidney beans, Jesse and Joel came racing around the corner. “Done! Did we beat our record?” She smiled and glanced at the clock on the stove. “We did indeed! Seven minutes! Great job, team Faherty! How much faster did we do it this time compared to last time?” The boys scrunched up their faces, and Jesse got the answer first. “Two minutes! But, I’m not sure it’s fair ‘cause last time we went to Costco. And, that always takes forever to put away.” Tori ruffled his hair. “Good job, smarty-pants. All right, who’s ready for smoothies?” All the boys including Isaac started dancing and whooping and hollering.

Their weekly tradition after grocery shopping was fruit smoothies. This week she did greek yogurt, frozen blueberries, canned peaches, spinach, and a splash of honey. They went outside to drink them, and she let the boys run around and get out their “crazies.” After smoothies and outside was her favorite part of the day—rest time! Joel and Jesse in their own beds with books and quiet toys, Gideon in her bed with the iPod playing soft music, and Isaac in his pack and play in the closet. It was her guaranteed ninety minutes a day of peace, and she guarded it with her life.

After all the boys were settled in their respective places, and threatened with everything in her arsenal if they dared to show their faces before she came back for them, Tori settled down in the living room with her laptop. She wrote to David twice a day. During rest time, and after all the boys were in bed. Sometimes it was very short, and other times, pages long. But it was her job to keep him apprised of life on the home front, and she took her job seriously. But the job she took even more seriously than that was protecting him from undue worries. She rarely shared with him behavioral issues from the boys, or problems with the house, or even worries she herself was facing. She worked hard to keep things very pleasant. Anecdotes about their days, what the boys were doing in their schoolwork, what was going on with their extended families, and anything interesting that happened on base.

David and Tori had had a domestic discipline arrangement from day one. They’d met in a “Loving Domestic Discipline” forum online. After her brother died Tori felt like she needed more structure in her life and research led her to the DD lifestyle. David had been the first person who had contacted her when she joined the group, and they’d begun their long-distance courtship almost immediately. These days it was low grade. Incredibly low grade. Tori always did everything perfectly and David never had anything to worry about. She was very proud of herself and how good of a support she was to him. Deep inside though she sometimes missed their discipline sessions, or David asking her to do things specifically. He didn’t send chore lists or any expectations anymore because she didn’t need them. She was in control of everything at home, and it worked really well for them.

Sighing, she opened up her email. No sense whining, even internally, about the lack of attention she’d been getting in that department lately.

Hello love!

How’s the weather? Did you talk to the chaplain about that study you wanted to lead? I think that’s a great idea. I’m sure the guys would receive a lot of comfort and encouragement.

The boys and I got groceries today. They are growing like weeds. You’d think we have a houseful of teens instead of mini-humans.

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