Page 173 of Dirty Discipline, Vol. 1

“Because I don’t want to do both—” She looked at David guiltily. “Because he works really hard, and I should be able to handle everything on the home front.”

Pete nodded. “So, you feel like it’s your job to protect David from your burdens?”

“Well yeah, I mean, he is out protecting an entire nation. All I do is sit at home with some kids all day. My life isn’t in danger. And, other women do so much more than me and do it so much better than I do.”

Pete tapped his nose. “Ding! Ding! Ding! Ladies and gentlemen, we have a winner. You compare yourself to other women that you feel are doing better than you and try to match their abilities. You aren’t letting David fill his role as your protector and partner in all of this. You’re acting like you’re alone in the fight. Do you pray for him while he is overseas? Send him care packages and letters? Stay up late and get up early to make sure everything is going well over here? You go out of your way to be an amazing partner to him, and yet you deny him the right and privilege to do the same for you. That doesn’t seem fair or loving to me.”

Tori’s eyes brimmed with tears. “I’m just trying to be a good wife, and a good mother, not add to his burdens. I should be able to do it all, and… I can’t. I end every day feeling like a failure.”

David gripped her shoulders and pulled her against his chest. “You are far from a failure, my love. I boast about you to the guys in my unit all the time. How my wife is Superwoman. How she does things I know I could never do and still has a smile at the end of the day. I’m so sorry I’ve abdicated my role and dropped the ball on protecting and taking care of you. But, you need to allow me to do it. “

Tori began crying harder. “I’m so tired. Some days I don’t want to get out of bed, but I know I have to. I go to bed tired. I wake up tired. And now we’re adding another baby to the mix. I can’t do this by myself. I want to. I should be able to. But, I can’t.”

David tried to shush her, the raw emotions were breaking his heart, but Pete shook his head and murmured. “This is good. Let her get it out. This is cathartic.”

David rubbed her back, while Pete and Trisha exchanged wordless glances and nodded. They came and knelt next to the couple placing their hands on their backs and just silently supported them.

“Can we hug you guys? Both of you, but especially you, Tori?”

Tori nodded trying to control her sobs, but the weariness and pain of carrying it all alone for so long came running down her cheeks. She buried her face into David’s chest as Trish and Pete wrapped their arms around the two of them. She cried harder than she could ever remember crying before. The guilt and exhaustion overtaking her. It was humbling, but amazing also to just receive the love everyone was giving to her.

After several moments, Tori took a shuddering breath and whispered sheepishly. “My sleeve can’t handle any more of my tears and snot.”

Trisha chuckled and pulled a box of tissues out of the end table.

After blowing her nose, Tori looked around, eyes rimmed red and swollen, hair disheveled, and spoke with a shaky voice. “Thank you all. So much. I didn’t realize how much I’ve been trying to carry on my own.”

Trish put her arm around the younger woman and squeezed tight. “We never do, dear. I can tell you countless stories from the kids’ growing up years where I was sure someone was going to die by day’s end. And yet, I felt like if I shared that with the other wives or with Pete that I’d be failing my calling somehow. And that’s just not how it works. We were created to need others. Community. The “it takes a village” mentality has a lot going for it.”

Tori nodded and blew her nose on a tissue.

“David? I’m so sorry, honey. I wasn’t trying to take your job away from you. I just wanted to protect you, I guess.”

He kissed her forehead. “I know, honey, but why don’t you let me do the protecting now, okay?”

She nodded and leaned into his embrace. “I can do that.”

Pete squeezed their shoulders. “This is exactly what Trish and I were hoping would happen here tonight. How would you two feel about moving on to the practical side of LDD in the midst of pregnancy, deployment, and young children?”

David nodded eagerly, Tori slightly less so, as they moved to the couch.

“Okay, first off, do you know when your next deployment is set for?”

“It looks like I’ll be stateside for awhile. I have some trips to take within the US, but those should be shorter and less frequent. I expect to be here working in more of an instructor role training others for at least the next two years.”

Tori gave him a surprised look. “Really?”

David grinned. “I had planned to wait and tell you over a special candlelit dinner, but yes. I got the news right before I flew home. That “special trip” I need to take for the next month is to Washington, DC, to finalize my training so I’m fully licensed. They need to make sure I know what I’m doing before I teach others.”

She threw her arms around his neck and kissed him. “I haven’t heard anything so amazing since the day you asked me to be your wife.”

He kissed her back and tweaked her nose.

“Okay, that makes things significantly easier. I actually was privy to some of that, at least the training in DC part, and Trisha and I would like to make an offer/suggestion. We own a townhouse just outside of DC, and our renters just moved out. You guys are welcome to stay there for the month. That way David doesn’t need to be apart from everyone, seeing as he just got back, and it would give you all a change of pace and scenery. And of course, keep the flame burning on your restart to LDD.”

Tori looked at them in shock. “You’d really be willing to let us use your house? We can clean and paint and get it ready for your next renters!”

Pete shook his head. “We have professionals who take care of all of that. If you guys take me up on it, you’re going there to rest, Tori, not work more.”

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