Page 199 of Dirty Discipline, Vol. 1

We say our goodbyes ‘for now’. He doesn’t know my goodbye is forever.

Despite everything, I ache. I’m leaving a friend, a lover, a deep sense of belonging. I’m leaving a promise of more, of what we could have become. Doubt sets in again. Why am I leaving? We can work this out. I’m sure.

But I’m not.

Because he’s dangerous and controlling. Because he refuses to listen to what you want. Refuses to let you take things at your pace.

Because he can’t say he loves you.

He doesn’t love you, Summer.

If he’d been a little patient. If he’d bothered to come home with me, got to know all of me and my little family of two, then things would have been very different.

If he’d loved me.

He thinks he can just steal me away from everything. What am I supposed to be? His convenient mistress?

Even as I think it, I know there’s more. I know he feels for me. At least he’s possessive. I guess that’s a feeling.

I twitch into action. Shower. Eat. Pack up. I’ll miss my backpack, but I have to realize it’s lost to me.

Supposedly, we have six hours. I want to be out of here in two. I don’t trust that he won’t come sooner and wrestle me away.

Stephan

At noon I roll up at the corner of her street, expecting her to stand there waiting.

She isn’t.

I turn off the engine, but remain straddled, pull my fingers through my windblown hair, and lean my forearms on the handlebar. Two kids kick a ball between them on the other sidewalk. The day is sunny, and the air feels clean and easy to breathe. It was one hell of a night, but it’s gonna be a good day.

I’ll pamper her, make sure she’s all right, then I’ll teach her to never run again.

If she ever comes out. I frown and glance at my wristwatch. Ten past. I scan the façade and look at the two windows that belong to their apartment. No movement. Well, every window is closed against the frigid air, so that’s not off in itself. It’s just that… they seem so dead.

Having waited a few more minutes, I kick down the support, pocket the key, and get off the bike. I’m loath to get up there and confront the mom, but I stand by my decision. I’ll have my woman on the back of my bike, her arms around my chest, and I’ll have her now before I lose even more of my patience. She’s like an untamed horse, I think as I stomp up the stairs to the second floor, like the wild animals she loves so much.

She’s no bunny. She’s a wolf, like me. Her clothing is a sheep’s, but her soul isn’t. She’s strong-willed and independent.

I stop for a moment, struck by the realization. I’m trying to push her into a mold I’ve decided will fit her needs. The long night of true fear of losing her has cleared my head. She’s kind of crazy, but so am I, and she’s my kind of crazy. I need her with me. Now and forever. If what I feel isn’t love, then nothing is.

I sprint up the last few steps and knock on their door.

It’s silent. Ominously so.

I knock again. Harder. The noise echoes in the stairwell.

Nothing.

I raise my hand to slam my fist against the thin door, then a horrible thought strikes me, and I try the handle.

It’s unlocked. The door swings open. I race inside, call her name, and look through the place. Nothing. There is furniture, but no personal belongings. Spinning around, I take the stairs in a few steps and dart along the street, around the far corner to a little parking lot.

Their rusty old Ford is gone.

She’s gone.

I refuse to accept what I’m seeing. She wouldn’t…

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