Page 346 of Dirty Discipline, Vol. 1

Fox shook his head. “Go take care of yourself. Do you want me to come over after?”

She sniffled. “Um, I don't know. Text me.”

“Okay.” He reached over and grabbed the back of her head, kissing her on the lips. A chaste kiss—sort of like an honest expression of love. It surprised her a little and touched her.

“Thanks,” she said, trying for a weak smile.

“Go,” he ordered and she obeyed.

At home she ran a hot bath and dumped in epsom salts and lavender essential oil. She was still trembling. “I'm sorry, baby,” she muttered to the little cells multiplying within her. “I'm going to try to calm down for you, okay?”

She slid down in the tub, crossing her legs yoga style and letting her head sink into the tub, so that almost all her body was underwater. Only her nose and mouth and the tops of her knees were dry. She stayed that way a long time, imagining she was her baby in the womb—a muffled, watery environ where she could just exist. Without desire, without need, without anyone or anything to disturb her peace.

She stayed until the water had cooled completely and she started to get cold. Then she dried off, pulled on her favorite pjs and climbed into her bed, falling into a deep sleep almost immediately.

She woke several hours later. It was 2 a.m. She was hungry. She couldn't remember eating much the day before and now she realized the shaking was probably about her blood sugar level. She got up and padded to the kitchen and switched on the light.

And screamed.

It was Dom. It was just Dom. She took deep breaths, trying to calm herself. Dom had been sitting at the table, his hands buried in his hands. He stood up quickly now, holding his palms up. “Oh God, I'm sorry—sorry—I didn't mean to scare you.”

Her heart was thumping painfully in her chest as she tried to recover from the adrenaline shock.

“Please, Kate. I just need to speak to you. Will you let me stay?”

Oh right. He couldn't come in without an invitation. Did that mean she could revoke her earlier one? But she didn't want to. The truth was, she was so grateful to see him there, unannounced, in her kitchen. She needed him, more than ever now. And even though she was still hurt and angry, the thing she wanted most in the world at that moment was to be standing in the warm circle of his arms.

She started crying. He walked around to her cautiously and then drew her to him, giving her what she wanted. She pressed her face into his chest and trembled against him, wetting his shirt with her tears.

“I'm hungry,” she finally choked out.

“Sit down,” he said, springing into action. “I'll find you something.” He started rummaging around her kitchen, checking the refrigerator and cabinets. She sat watching him absently, numbly—unable to absorb all the changes her life had gone through in the past few weeks.

He fixed her a tuna melt sandwich, on rice bread. It was pure heaven. She ate the whole thing without stopping and washed it down with the glass of milk he had poured her. She wiped her mouth with a napkin, feeling more like herself than she had all day.

“Thank you,” she said. “That was great.”

He sat down in a chair next to her and studied her face. “Can we talk?”

She nodded, mutely.

He took her hand and took a deep breath. “Kate, tesoro mio, I was a coward. I told myself I was protecting you by keeping us apart, but it wasn't true. I was afraid. I had a wife, once. I watched her grow old and die, while I never changed. I watched my daughter and grandchildren die.” He shrugged. “I didn't think I could do it again.”

She looked away. She had known all this already. She understood it, but it didn't change the pain in her heart.

“I was wrong. A life without love isn't worth living. For more than 500 years I've just been walking around in some numb, existential crisis. It was you who forced me out of it. You, who showed me that my stony heart was still capable of love. You, who made me reach higher and break through to a higher realm of consciousness. And I'm a different person—vampire—now.

But I'm nothing without you. And these past two weeks I've known that. I've felt that. But I was still too much of a coward to admit it.

“But now…” His eyes filled with those bloody tears again. She held back a shudder. “Now…you tell me of this miracle. This impossible miracle.” His voice choked up.

Her own eyes filled with tears.

“And I see I have a second chance. And I want to do it right.”

She pressed her trembling lips together, too unsure of herself to speak.

“I meant what I said at Congress. If you take me back, I will never let you down again. I promise. But… I understand if… if you can't. I know I hurt you, and I'm very, very sorry. I hope someday you will forgive me.

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