Page 47 of Dirty Discipline, Vol. 1

Traci smiles. “But…” She’s observant.

“No but… really. I’ve spent most of my life dreaming of having a family care about me like they do. I know I should be grateful.”

“But, you’re not? Grateful, I mean?”

“Sure, I am. It’s just… they forget I’ve been on my own for a long time now. I’m not used to having people looking after me and telling me what to do.”

“So, Eddie didn’t do that for you?”

Hallie can’t stop her snort. “Oh, hell no. I was the one who did the taking care of, not the other way around. He blamed his antics on being an artist. I think it was just because he’s an immature prick.”

Traci’s eyes widen briefly at her choice of nouns. “So, you had to take care of him? What exactly does that mean?”

Hallie drains her coffee mug. “Mind if I help myself to another cup while we talk?”

Traci rises to serve her, but Hallie cuts her off. “No, sit. I’m happy to serve myself. In fact, would you like more?”

“Sure, thanks. But pouring coffee won’t get you out of answering the question.”

Hallie looks over her shoulder to see a kind smile on Traci’s face. “I know. No, I may be over five years younger than Eddie, but from day one, I was the mature one. He’d still be playing sets for beer in podunk towns in backwoods Louisiana if I hadn’t pushed him and got him organized.”

Traci’s confusion lets Hallie know she doesn’t know anything about Eddie. Hallie asks her. “Troy didn’t tell you?”

“Tell me what?”

“Maybe you’ve never heard of him, but Eddie is Eddie Kingston, the lead singer of The

Kings, a band.”

Traci doesn’t seem impressed. “I’ve never heard of them.”

“I’m not surprised. They’re just starting to take off now that they got their first recording deal and they’ve been traveling as the opening band for Matchbox 20.”

“That sounds exciting. You seem pretty young to be managing a band. I’m not wrong in assuming Eddie was more than just a band member to you, though, right?”

Hallie has taken her seat across from Traci again. “No, you’re not wrong. He was my boyfriend before I even knew he was in a band. We were both working part-time in a restaurant in Baton Rouge. I was going to the community college. He was trying to get the band rolling.”

“What kind of a guy was he back then?”

“Oh, he was charming, in a totally carefree kind of way. The rest of my life seemed so intense and he was a breath of fresh air at the time.”

Traci’s eyes never stop looking for cues. Hallie feels under a microscope. “So what was going on in the rest of your life that was so intense?”

The wave of sadness blankets Hallie’s heart like a heavy weight. She doesn’t like to remember that time in her life. She knows Traci has no clue that she’s just struck the therapist’s equivalent of gold by getting Hallie to tap into the hardest two years of her life within ten minutes of their time together. The old temptation to run from her memories flares and Hallie has to force herself to take a deep breath.

Traci’s voice is soft and reassuring. “We don’t have to go there yet, if you’re not ready.”

Hallie doubt’s she’ll ever be ready to talk about it. What she does know is she’s tired of running from her own memories. Tired of expending the energy of being angry with a man who probably hasn’t thought of her even once in the three years since she left home.

Home. Where is that anyway?

Traci must wait a full minute for Hallie’s internal debate to conclude. In the end, it’s the kind woman patiently waiting for her across the kitchen island that finally has Hallie ready to relive memories she’d never shared with another living soul. Memories that she’d buried in the hopes they would be forgotten. Only as she’d matured has she figured out the impossibility of that task. She tried running away from them with Eddie and that failed. Maybe talking about them will help.

“Everything was fine until my grandma got sick my freshman year in high school.”

“Did you and your parents live near her?”

“I never knew my dad. My parents were never married and talking about him made my mom and grandma argue, so I tried not to ask too many questions about him.”

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