Page 31 of Dirty Discipline, Vol. 2

Troy pondered her words before speaking again. "Traci, do you use your research to help the residents you see here in Eagle’s Pass?"

"Of course. Every day."

"So, then I guess the question is, is that enough for you? Are you willing to turn your back on the millions of people living outside of Eagle’s Pass who might benefit from the knowledge you can pass along? Because that's what you'd be doing. Your peers at the conference can learn from you. They can go back and help their own patients. Your research can influence them. You have the opportunity to impact many outside of this small town. The question is, are you willing to risk personal ridicule to help them? You have something important to share. You've worked hard at it and deserve your time at the podium. If you stay home, those small-minded bigots have won, and you'll be making the most submissive decision of your life. The decision to submit to their immature scare tactics."

Traci's heart raced. Her brother had a way of cutting through all the crap in just a few minutes on topics she'd wasted endless hours worrying about over the last twelve months. Could she face her fears and go to the conference?

"I'd like to make a date with you, Trace, for one week from today. I'll meet you here on this very bench and we'll talk about how your week went. I'll want to hear every detail from you. Now here's the million-dollar question. What will make you feel better one week from now? Having stayed home to safely go about your daily life without fear of ridicule? Or, will you feel better sitting here telling me about your week in Chicago? Even if some people act like idiots, I suspect you'll feel better by proving you can hold your head up high, by not letting them stop you

from doing what you've earned the right to do: present as an expert in your field."

His words were a direct hit. He knew her so well.

Finally, all of the self-doubt started to fall away. She knew it was probably going to be the hardest week of her life, but her brother had helped her understand the only thing worse than going to the conference was... not going to the conference.

Traci tried to smile. "I guess I'd better hurry up and finish eating. I have to get home to pack."

Troy pulled her into a big hug. "That's my girl. I'm so proud of you."

"Ladies and gentlemen, we're beginning our descent into Chicago O'Hare airport. The captain has turned on the fasten seatbelt sign. Please return your tray tables and seats to their upright and locked position in preparation for landing."

Traci handed her empty cup to the passing flight attendant. She wished she'd taken the time to go to the lavatory when she could. Her stomach did flip-flops. Since making the final decision to attend the conference two days ago, she'd barely been able to sleep. In her heart Traci knew that Troy had been right, yet it didn’t stop the internal battle to stay positive. She had worked hard and had important material to present. It wasn't her fault there were small-minded idiots out there who chose to act like adolescents when faced with sexually charged research.

Still, she wasn't looking forward to putting herself through the same hell she went through last year. She held out hope that Robert wouldn't be at the convention this year.

Just thinking of Dr. Robert Meyer got her heart racing. One year ago today had been one of the happiest days of her life. She had secretly admired the handsome doctor from afar for several years, having attended many of his forums. When he had struck up a conversation with her at the welcome cocktail party the year before, she had been thrilled. He'd swept her off her feet, making her think he'd been crushing on her for years, too. Several drinks later, she'd happily gone to his bed, dreaming of their future together. She, of course, had no intention of joining the one-night-stand club. Unfortunately, Robert had other ideas.

Had he simply rebuffed her after one night of passionate sex, it would have been humiliating enough. When the nature of her research had been discussed in an open panel the next afternoon, Robert had taken it upon himself to publicly dub Traci the 'Spanko Shrink', taking the lead at not only ridiculing her professionally, but making sure to drop enough innuendo to smear her reputation personally. One of her biggest regrets was that she'd never confronted him on his atrocious behavior. She'd tucked her tail between her legs and left the conference two days early and she hadn't looked herself in the mirror with pride since.

How could I have been such a poor judge of character? I'm a psychologist, paid to help people sort through their emotional issues and I can't even dig myself out of this year-long funk.

Of course, she hadn't shared those juicy tidbits with her brother when discussing the many reasons why she hadn't wanted to attend the convention this year. It wasn't easy telling your brother you'd acted like a whore—sleeping with a man you barely knew—and then letting him annihilate you personally and professionally in the eyes of your peers. Troy already had reason to doubt her choices after her thirtieth birthday debacle. The last thing she needed was for him to decide she needed another round with Mom's wicked hairbrush for her choices last summer. Still, she wondered if it might help her dump some of the guilt she'd been carrying around like a heavy cloak. As stupid as she had acted on her birthday, she never felt guilty about it. She assumed that was courtesy of the butt-burner punishment she'd received, wiping the slate clean.

Too soon, Traci found herself in a taxi on the crowded expressway into downtown Chicago. Despite her dread of the conference, she was thrilled to visit one of her favorite cities. She hadn't been here since she was a kid with her parents and Troy on vacation. She had many fond memories of the city and she'd decided that even if she didn't attend all of the conference sessions, there was nothing stopping her from enjoying the sights and food the Windy City had to offer.

Traci was excited that the conference was at the prestigious Royal Oak Hotel in the heart of the city. Located between Lake Michigan and iconic Michigan Avenue, there were literally dozens of fine restaurants and shopping venues within walking distance of the mid-size luxury hotel.

Worst-case scenario, I escape and go shoe shopping. There are very few problems in life that can't be fixed by buying a new pair of shoes.

She was met by a courteous doorman who helped her out of the taxi, handing off her large bag to a waiting bellman. She stopped just inside the lobby to admire the tasteful luxury surrounding her. Traci scanned the expanse, relieved when she failed to see anyone she knew.

Approaching the front desk, she was greeted by a handsome Latino front desk agent. His nametag identified him as Carlos from Costa Rica.

"Hello, Miss. Are you checking in?"

"Yes. My name is Traci Jackson and I have a reservation."

"I see you're with the Psychologist Conference checking in today, Dr. Jackson."

"Miss. I'm not a doctor."

"Oh, of course. Sorry about that. I see you'll be with us four nights. How many keys do you need for your room?"

"Just one. I'm alone."

Traci kicked herself. Must she announce her spinsterhood to every person she met? She hated how vulnerable being here made her feel. She forced the appearance of confidence front and center, even if inside she was falling apart.

Just as she was about to escape, Carlos reached into a nearby box to come out with a manila envelope. "Here's your welcome packet. The registration desk will be opening at three this afternoon in the foyer of the Skyline Ballroom. You'll find the full schedule of events in your folder."

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