Page 34 of Dirty Discipline, Vol. 2

Traci chose her words carefully. "You seem disappointed. Would you like me to lecture you? I can you know. I could tell you how my sister-in-law lost her grandma to lung cancer when she was only sixty-three and how broken-hearted she left her family. Of course, to a teen your age, sixty-three sounds ancient so you probably don't care about the added risk of cancer."

Traci was surprised to see tears threatening Ashley's eyes. She was patient, letting the young woman choose her words. They were quiet when they came. "Cancer sucks."

"Yes, cancer does indeed suck. It sounds like you have first-hand knowledge of just how bad." Traci watched her carefully and took a chance. "Your mom?"

The tears that had been threatening spilled over. Ashley suddenly looked years younger, her vulnerability bubbling up to overshadow her teen bravado.

Traci tried to comfort her. "I'm so sorry, Ashley. No one deserves to lose their mom like that. Do you mind me asking how long ago you lost her?"

"Almost two years ago now. In some ways it seems like yesterday and in other ways..." Her young face filled with sorrow. "Sometimes I worry I'm going to forget things about her."

"How old were you when she died?"

Ashley was smart. She hesitated, knowing an answer to the question would give her age. The fact that she decided to trust Traci with the information made her inner therapist happy. "Thirteen."

Traci didn't answer immediately. "Losing your mom at thirteen is cruel. I'm sure she was so worried about leaving you too." Ashley nodded quietly. "I know you're worried about forgetting her, but you won't. At least not if you don't want to. I have a ton of memories from when I was thirteen. The good ones. The ones you think about often will stick with you. Do you have pictures?"

"Yes. And lots of videos from when I was a baby."

"That's great. Watch them. Often. It will keep her close."

"I've tried. They just make me cry."

"That's understandable, but over time, it will keep her memory close and bring you peace."

"How do you know so much about all of this? Are you some kind of a doctor or something?"

Traci smiled. "Or something. Not a doctor. Just a woman who lost her own parents when she was eighteen. I was five years older, yes, but I still know how it feels to lose someone you love. It takes a while for that feeling of being deserted to fade away."

Ashley's eyes widened. She looked like she wanted to say something, but held back.

"You have felt like she deserted you, haven't you? It's completely normal to feel that way, you know."

The tears were coming faster. Ashley suddenly jumped up and rushed to the door. Traci chased after her.

"Don't run away, Ashley. Please, stay and talk with me some more. We'll change the subject if you want."

For a second, Traci thought she was going to bolt, but Ashley surprised her by turning and throwing herself into Traci's arms, sobs wracking her young body. She held on tight and Traci returned the hug, stroking her long sandy brown hair and adding soothing words. "That's it. Sometimes, nothing makes me feel better than a good hard cry."

Traci was relieved for their continued privacy as Ashley's cries waned. She led her to the mirror where she helped dab away the remnants of the teen's tears, bringing a small smile. "Feel better now?"

She was met with a nod and a quiet po "Thank you."

"Don't thank me. You were helping me, remember?"

"I should probably go. I'm really glad I got to meet you, though, Traci. You're pretty cool."

"You're pretty cool yourself. If you'll let me give you one more piece of advice?"

"I know. I know. I shouldn't smoke."

"That's not what I was going to say. I know you're smart enough to come to that conclusion all by yourself when you're ready. No, I was going to suggest that you give the adults in your life a chance. They might be missing your mom too, you know, and I'm sure if they are smothering you with rules, it's just because they don't want to lose you too."

Ashley considered Traci's words carefully. "You're a smart lady, Traci. I think you might be right about that."

"Miracles never cease. I can be right once in a while."

After a brief hug, Ashley rushed out. The room felt empty after she was gone, yet a sense of calm Traci hadn't felt in a very long time settled in.

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