Page 52 of Dirty Discipline, Vol. 2

Sean said some of the things he'd been thinking of all day since listening to her presentation. He wished he could see her eyes, but maybe it was better this way. Less chance of him losing his nerve.

Sean launched into a speech he'd practiced in his head all afternoon. "I wanted to confess to you that I was shocked when I realized what your specialty area was. All of the talk of domestic discipline... punishments... spankings... well it did catch me off-guard, but never... not once... did I think it was silly. In fact, as I listened, there were many parts that really resonated with me."

Traci had relaxed against him, but didn't move to face him. He almost missed her quiet question. "Which parts?"

"Sorry?"

"Which parts resonated with you?"

Relief flooded Sean that she was talking with him. "The parts about the importance of communication and intimacy in relationships. And especially the parts about trust between partners and how domestic discipline can help to make sure couples don't keep secrets or tell lies. Unfortunately, I know firsthand how that destroys the intimacy in a relationship."

Sean hadn't meant to get so personal tonight, but considering she was contemplating leaving, he figured he better lay it on the line. Traci took her time before asking quietly, "Do you want to talk about it?"

"Are you asking as a therapist or my date?"

She finally turned in his arms to lock her tear-filled eyes on him. "Can't I be both?"

Sean led them to the couch that faced the bank of windows to the west. The sun was just setting against the backdrop of skyscrapers. He sat first, pulling Traci down into his lap. They were about to have an intimate conversation and felt the need to hold her. She leaned in tight to his chest so he didn't need to look into her eyes. It would be easier that way.

"I loved my wife very much, Traci. Most of the time we were very happy, but our marriage was not without its problems. Ironically, when we were just starting out, she did well living within a budget, but as I got promotions and started making more money, she sort of ran amok with her shopping. At first I thought she was just trying to keep up with the Joneses, but over time I started catching her in lies about her spending. I'd find bills for things I had no idea how she'd paid for. Her closet was full of clothes with tags on, never worn. We'd argue about it constantly. She'd promise she'd try harder, but it never stuck. Then she got sick and well, all of the money problems didn't seem to matter as much anymore. The thing that hit me today as I listened to you talking wasn't so much about how spanking might have changed her behavior. It was the part about knowing how ashamed of herself she was. I know she felt guilty that she couldn't stop her spending and I felt so helpless. I didn't know how to help her."

As he finished, Sean felt a huge weight figuratively leaving his shoulders. He'd held in his anger at Jerilyn for so long, knowing it was pointless to carry the anger and knowing he had failed her by not being able to help her.

"So, you're wondering if spanking her might have helped?"

"We'll never know, but yes. I wonder if it could have helped us. I strongly doubt she would have ever consented to letting me spank her. I might have felt better, though."

"No, you wouldn't have. You would have only felt guilty yourself if you spanked her without her consent."

Sean decided to ask the million-dollar question. "How about you, Traci? Do you believe in practicing what you study? Would you ever consent to corporal punishment?"

She was trembling in his arms so he held her tighter, stroking her bare arm lightly to maintain their connection. A full minute of silence passed before she answered quietly.

"It's not a simple question with a yes or no answer. Are you asking me to answer you professionally or personally?"

"I'm not interested in your professional services, Traci. I want to know what you want— what you need—to be happy."

"Well, for starters, I need more than three days." There was a manic quality to her voice and he knew she was feeling as raw and on edge as he was.

He separated them so he could look into her beautiful brown eyes. She looked so vulnerable. Sean wanted to wrap her in bubble wrap to protect her from ever getting hurt. "Trace, can't we set that aside for a few minutes?"

"I can't, Sean. It's hanging over our heads. I don't do one-night-stands and a three-nightstand, well, that seems even worse. You live in Chicago. I live in Colorado. We are at different places in our lives. This was just supposed to be fun. I don't know how we got so serious so fast, but I really do think it might be best if I left now."

Sean pushed down his panic. Every single word Traci had said was one-hundred percent accurate, and yet his gut was telling him to hang on to her. They had met for a reason and he wasn't ready to just turn his back on that yet.

"Traci, do you respect me? Trust me?"

"Yes, I do."

"Then please, give us half a chance. Don't leave. Not yet."

She held her breath. Sean cupped her face in his hands and looked into her eyes, trying to let her see just how much he wanted her to stay.

"I don't want to get hurt again, Sean. I haven't had the best luck in the men department."

"I promise you, I'm not out to hurt you. In fact, I feel like I'm supposed to be protecting you. I about decked that asshole today when he stood up to heckle you. I was so proud of you and how you handled him, but if he had persisted, I was going to barge out there and throw him out of the hotel."

That got her smiling again. "You wouldn't have."

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