Page 62 of Dirty Discipline, Vol. 2

"Talk about what?"

"Don't you mean who? Traci, of course."

"What's to talk about? She's a beautiful, amazing woman..."

"And..."

"And she lives in Colorado. I live in Illinois. She's young. I'm old."

"You're only eight years older than her, Sean. That's a pretty lame excuse."

"She'll want kids. I already have kids."

"You have one kid. You do know you can have more than one these days, right?"

"Smart ass. It's complicated."

"What isn't? My ex-wife is married to my cousin and lives one door away from my new girlfriend. I think I have you beat in the complicated category." Jimmy's broad smile reminded Sean why they were friends.

"I made an ass of myself during her last night here. For the first time since we'd met it was... awkward. She tried to laugh it off, but... I'm not the right guy for her."

Jimmy looked uncomfortable with the turn in the conversation. "Well hell. It can happen to the best of us. Just tell her you drank too much wine. Maybe you need to see your doctor. They have pills for that shit, or so I'm told."

It took Sean a few seconds to put together what the hell his friend was insinuating. He should have been pissed, but he chuckled instead. "Close, but no cigar. I hope to hold off on the little blue pill prescription for a few more years."

"So, what? She find out you have a women's panty fetish or some other embarrassing shit?"

"I'm not sure I'm comfortable with this conversation. Last time I told you the secret that Patty and Peter were dating, the news spread like wildfire around here. I'd rather not have my dirty laundry aired for the staff."

"I resent that. Patty and Peter were caught red handed making out behind the bar at the Christmas party. I had nothing to do with spreading that rumor." Jimmy's faced turned red at Sean's accusation.

"Fine. Let's just say I'm not sure I'm man enough for Traci." At seeing his friend's confusion, Sean closed the subject. "Thanks for trying to cheer me up, but I'm going to be fine. She was a great distraction for a while. She got me off my ass and dating again. I just don't think it's going to work out for us."

"Well, that sucks. You seemed so happy when she was around."

"I was happy when she was around. Like I said. It's complicated."

Jimmy stood. "So you said. I'm gonna head out. I need to go pick up the kids at the ex's and head over to my aunt's house to help her move some furniture because her no-good son, my cousin, is too busy bonking my ex-wife to go help his own mother. That, my friend, is what I call complicated. You have it easy. You just need to get your ass on a plane to go sort things out in Colorado."

Sean never answered. He didn't know what he'd say, anyway. Jimmy left Sean alone at the large table with his own thoughts. He allowed his memory to drift to the last night Traci had been in town.

Why hadn't he just left the whole spanking topic alone? They had so many other things to work through in their fragile new relationship. But no, he'd had to try to prove to her that he could be the HoH she was looking for by delivering a maintenance spanking. All he'd managed to prove was that he didn't have what it took. He'd tried to be erotic and sexy. Instead, he'd been awkward... clumsy. He'd tried to show her he could lead her and then he'd folded at her first yelp... unable to continue at the first sign of possibly hurting her. She'd said it didn't matter, but they hadn't had enough time the next day to talk about it before her flight. Each conversation since she'd returned home had gotten progressively shorter and more distant. They would not need to break up. If he waited long enough, they would just fizzle into oblivion.

Sean relocated to his apartment after signing the check. It was quiet with Ashley gone. Why hadn’t he invited Traci to come back for the weekend? It was too late. She was supposed to be his rebound girl, anyway. Everyone knew you shouldn't get serious about the first person you date after a marriage ends. He hadn't been prepared to have such strong feelings for a woman he'd only just met. He didn't understand why he thought of her fifty times a day, or remembered the spark in her beautiful brown eyes as she talked about something she was passionate about. The sound of her giggles as he'd tickled her, or the look on her face when she had orgasmed with him buried deep inside her would pop into his memory all day.

I hate feeling like a love-sick teenager, unable to control my emotions.

He grabbed his laptop, hoping to distract himself by surfing for meaningless entertainment online. That didn't last long, since within minutes he'd pulled up a site dedicated to all things domestic discipline. He'd already poured over the blog posts and testimonials, trying to better understand what Traci was looking for in a relationship. The more he'd learned, the more he realized how badly he'd messed up their last night together. He had reread her research paper several times, highlighting key passages he wished he had the balls to call her and ask her about.

It was past midnight when Sean's cell phone rang. He quickly reached for it, worried something might be wrong with Ashley. He was surprised to see Traci's picture displayed on his screen. They had texted earlier that afternoon and he hadn't expected to hear from her again tonight. He almost let it roll to voicemail, not wanting to hear the same sadness in her voice he knew damn well he projected back at her.

He took a deep breath and pressed accept. "Hi there. It's getting late. I didn't think we were going to talk tonight."

"Sorry to disappoint you. It's only me."

"Are you kidding me? I was just sitting here thinking about you. I'm glad you called."

"Liar. I'm probly int'rupting a hot date. You can snap yur fingers and have a different woman in yur bed ev'ry night of the week."

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