Page 20 of The Love You Hate
“I’m lonely. What would you have me do? What will you do when you’re lonely?”
His face shutters, and I can tell this is a subject he’s highly uncomfortable with.
“Get more friends,” he replies, tone brisk. “Get a hobby? Start a redo bucket list?” Nate’s gaze flicks to the door and back to me. “Not settle for the first simpleton who shows interest. That’s for sure.”
“Wow. Sort of aggressive.”
Nate frowns. “No, a realist. You know things won’t work out, and yet you’d entangle yourself anyway.”
“I don’t know they won’t work out.”
“Excuse me. I need to get back to work.” And I thought my attitude was bad. Nate just iced me out with a single sentence. The giddy woman inside rears her head. Is Nate jealous? that’s what we want! A competition to get in my pants. Her mood sours seconds later when I remind the giddy woman that she needs to be a realist, too. Entangle myself. How dare he insinuate I don’t control who and what I allow in my life. You don’t, I remind myself. My life was decided for me when my dad went to prison. It’s his fault. I’ll just go ahead and blame him for not being able to control who I entangle myself with. Reverting back to anger in my grief process isn’t healthy, and having a tussle with Jake isn’t either.
Nate ignores me for the rest of the morning. We only speak when we’re communicating an order or when Ryan asks us to do something. While we both know what we’re doing,it’s easy to feel like two children in school with Ryan trying to keep us from destroying his classroom. I’m hanging up my apron as my shift ends with heavy arms. I’m tired and I need a nap. Maybe the long run did work. Instead of being horny, I’m exhausted.
“Any plans?” Nate says, following me out into a beautiful day.
I scoff. “Oh, now you’ll talk to me.”
“We were at work. Surely you know how to be professional and just…work?” he replies. Ryan’s aunt works in the afternoons when it’s slow. That’s when she does the books and orders supplies.
“There’s a difference between being professional and also being courteous. You weren’t the latter.”
“You seemed mad at me.”
I turn to meet his eyes. “I told you already it had nothing to do with you. I was frustrated. Now I’m just tired though. I’m going home to take a nap.”
Nate looks disappointed which confuses me and stirs to life the horny. Groaning, I turn and walk toward the empty dirt lot where I parked my Jeep. Nate follows—keeping a distance. My heart hammers, not because I’m scared, because I’m about to tell him exactly what’s on my mind. My breaths come quicker.
When I reach the driver’s side door, I spin on my heel. I open my mouth, but he beats me to words. “I think Jake is a bad idea.” He runs his hands through his hair, awkwardly. Dare I say he looks nervous even.
“I’m not sure I got the memo that it was any of your business.”
“It’s not.”
I smile wide. “If he’s a bad idea, are you coming home with me today?”
Nate visibly cringes away from me. “No. What are you talking about? I was going to help you set up a dating profile so you could find a guy in another town.” His neck works as he swallows. “That’s a better idea.”
“I’m not interested in men in other towns.” Mostly because I can’t leave here. Ever.
Nate shrugs. “Plus, I heard he carries STDs like roses in a basket.”
I widen my eyes in shock. Libido crash. “Ew, gross! Where did you hear that? Why am I not surprised the whole town knows that? This place is a cesspool where everyone mixes shit!”
Nate looks over his shoulder. “I didn’t want to have to tell you. Ryan told me when you went to the restroom earlier. It’s common knowledge, so not too much of the Gold Hawke gossip ring anymore. I guess by his senior year in high school he’d hooked up with the majority of the females in the school.”
“Maybe the first part isn’t gossip but the second part sure as hell is. How can that be confirmed?”
He lifts and lowers one shoulder. “Small town. Folks talk. Didn’t think you were the kind of woman who would want to contend with an STD for a one-night stand.”
I hold up one finger. “You’re doing a lot of assuming, Nate. One, how do you know I only want a one-night stand? Two, are you seriously assuming I’d bang Junkyard Jake without a rubber? Who do you take me for? I thought we were friends.”
My unfiltered words give him pause. I smile. “You’re right about one thing. An STD isn’t something I want and I guess even if there’s a chance he might not be clean, I need to heed the warning of Gold Hawke gossip. Where does that leave me?”
Nate’s gaze darts away, sweeping the parking lot. “Men that aren’t here, I suppose.” His gaze lands back on mine after sweeping the area all around us.
I narrow my eyes. “What are you always looking at? Or for?”
