Page 54 of The Love You Hate
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Nate
They’ve watched me every single second I’ve been here. I haven’t so much as breathed alone. The reports I’ve written are endless, and I’m exhausted. For multiple reasons. I couldn’t sleep last night because Presley was so drunk, I was worried she might actually die, and Gray had to sleep on her hotel room floor. That was after I listened to Gray tell Presley they erased my love for her, and Grant fucking Barringer take advantage of her while she was unconscious drunk. Oh, and that was for the mere price of saving my cousin’s life. It’s been a real fucking time of it, let me tell you. It’s almost over. As soon as we leave, I can be honest with her. I check my watch and it’s four o’clock on the dot. I’ve pulled the armored SUV up to the overhang at the back of the hotel where deliveries are made. The car has been debugged, and we have a four-hour drive to catch up. The nervous energy has me tapping a finger against my leg nonstop. I had to play a part today to save face, for my brothers. The other Charge Men don’t have anything to do with my business, and they don’t deserve to pay for my downfalls. If I made a scene in that ballroom today, they would have paid the price with months of their lives in a lab trying to reassess every facet of the program. That’s not part of the deal I made with Coldren after Raya left. I swallow down a huge lump when I see Presley push out of the double doors, bag in hand. She’s still wearing the intoxicating dress she had on earlier. I have a plan. I have to stick to it to prevent waves.
The safety precautions we now have to take are extreme. Mya and Troy made sure my life would be difficult and in turn made Presley’s more complicated. I open the door to the back seat of the vehicle. She narrows her eyes, shakes her head, pauses for a moment, but climbs into the back. I slam the door, eyeing the guards surrounding us from all angles. They press a button to open the gate and let me drive off the hotel grounds. There are a few minutes of silence, when I just listen to her breathe to familiarize myself with that sound once again. It’s relaxing, but it doesn’t last long. I meet her gaze in the rearview mirror.
“In the back like a fucking child or something. I know they took away your feelings for me, but I didn’t realize they also took away decency, manners, and overall friendliness. You make me sick. This whole thing makes me sick!”
“What? That I can now do my job perfectly? That’s why we were put together in the first place. You needed a Charge Man and I needed a Principal. This is my life, and what happened between us was a mistake.” I make sure the radio is recording us, via the blue flashing light. The bastards didn’t think I’d see it. I have to give them something before deactivating the final bug. “I asked them to fix me. Things will be far less complicated now.” Meeting her eyes is a mistake. The pain there is vivid and pure. Causing her distress is the last thing I want to do after what she’s been through, and what she’s done for me. That has to be enough. I’m calling it. I take the small stick-like device from my pocket and zap the radio bug with a quick press of a button. The light flashes blue one more time, and goes dark—dead.
“Presley,” I say, in between her sobs. She doesn’t respond. “For fuck’s sake they were listening. My every move was being watched.”
“No one has ever hurt me the way you have,” she snarls. “How dare you try to make light of it.”
I’d argue her father did more damage, but I’m not touching that with a ten-foot pole. “Are you fucking listening to me? They didn’t erase anything, though not for lack of trying!”
She wipes under her eyes. “What do you mean? You can’t even look at me.”
“Because everyone was looking atme,” I explain. “Get in the fucking front seat right now.” Presley is staring blankly, forehead crinkled in confusion. “I’ve been watching you on a screen unable to look at you the way I wanted for fear that my feelings would be on full display for everyone to see and judge.”
“How is that any different right now?”
I swallow hard. “I need to talk to you, Presley.”
“Talk! You’ll forgive me for not being comfortable with you after having Gray as a guard while you were… gone, nowhere to be found.”
I clear my throat. “He’s a good bodyguard,” I admit. “But no one will be a better guard for you than me.”
“That goes against everything you just said. If you have feelings for me, you’re less of a guard. If you go robot mode, you can guard me better. Which is it?”
I yank the wheel to pull over to the side of the road and order her to get in the front seat. She’s barefoot, and mascara is running down her face. She looks like a disgraced princess. “This back and forth is giving me whiplash,” she says.
I grab her head and pull her into a kiss. Finally. Serotonin releases and eases me into a more relaxed state. Her lips are warm, but taste salty from her tears. Presley stays still, not moving her hands or her lips. She doesn’t push away from me, though. If anything, she also relaxes. Gently, her tongue slides into my mouth. Moaning, I close my eyes tightly, knowing this can’t last long. Time is the one thing we don’t have on our side.
Leaning my forehead against hers, I pull away. “Do you really hate me? Nothing I ask you next means anything if you hate me.”
Her lips tremble, and I put my thumb against her bottom to halt it. “You left me. You locked me in my trailer after kicking down the door.”
“That was pretty awesome, wasn’t it?”
She barely smiles. “I could never hate someone who I love,” Presley whispers. “I mean, I hate you, let’s get this straight, but if you’re still you, I’m happy to let you try to get back in my good graces.” She pecks my lips, gaze focused on my mouth. “More kissing.” I give in because I want it as much as she does. Her scent is sweet, and her voice is soothing, and this is where I belong. Maybe I wasn’t sure before, but after everything I’ve been through the past months, this is what I want. My hands brush her collarbone and chills spread across her smooth skin. More. I’m always going to want more. It’s why I know what needs to happen next.
Pulling away from her wet lips is difficult. “I have a plan, but it requires a lot of trust. A lot.”
Her big, round eyes tell me she’d follow me to the ends of the earth if that’s what I asked, and it gives me pause. Am I making the right decision for her? I know it’s the right one for me. After she nods for me to explain, I say, “Stop me when you have an issue.” I inhale and exhale noisily. “We’re going to crash this car. Really, crash it if you know what I mean. There won’t be anything left inside it.” I eye her, but she’s waiting for more. “We’re going to die today, Presley. And I know how crazy that sounds.”
“Yes,” she nearly yells. “Yes.”
“You don’t want the details?” I’d feel better if she’d let me get through the whole thing. If we don’t work out, she’s going to be on her own after her pretend death. I have enough faith in my feelings for her, but I don’t live inside her brain, either. “I’ve worked out a way to disappear for real this time. In a town like Gold Hawke, where there isn’t much. It’s a place they didn’t use for other Principals. Small, but good enough, and we can be together.” This is huge and the fact I’m willing to go through with it, speaks volumes, but I’m not sure if she understands the magnitude.
“Who is helping you? Us? Why would they?” Coldren. To protect his life. To protect his family’s lives because of my failure. He agreed to help fake the scene. He’s trailing behind us as we speak. He might be a fucking asshole for all that he’s done for The Charge Men program, but at least he still has a sense of self preservation.
“It doesn’t matter, just know that once we die, it will be a brand-new life. I have enough money to support us, and we can do whatever we want. Open a bakery? Done. Live in a house up in the mountains that isn’t made of tin? Done. I’m asking you to start over one more time, and that’s a lot.”
“Nate, it’s not a lot to ask. Are you serious though? You’re willing to leave it all behind? For this other life that’s not promised?”
“A long time ago I was an awesome dude. Before my career tainted my world views. It took a little, well, a lot of self-reflection, and an almost tragedy to realize I need to be more careful with how I spend my limited time.” I blow out a breath. “No one makes me feel like you. I’m in love with you and all of your madness. Your jokes, your dumb bucket list, the way you never give up on something even when it’s a bad idea.” Stripping. “I think maybe it means you might not give up on me.”
