Page 36 of The Love You Hate
“That’s dumb. Of course, you can have a list,” I say, when he’s in front of me. “I’m going to go. Thanks for the internet. I won’t let the garden die while you’re gone.”
“No,” Nate growls. “No. Don’t come here while I’m away. I set up the sprinklers to water the garden. You don’t have to come over here for anything. Take the laptop, it has a built-in internet connection.” His face softens when he realizes how emotional he’s being. “This isn’t about you. I’m sorry. I’m upset about Felix.”
“Felix?” I ask, a tentative poke to gain knowledge about anything about him.
He tilts his head up to the ceiling. “I’m so fucked up. I’m so fucked up,” he whispers, inhaling and exhaling deeply. Once he finishes his mantra a few more times he sits back down. “Felix is my cousin. He’s the one dying.” His neck works down a swallow. “We were close growing up and then I left for…the military, and I haven’t stayed in contact like I should, and I haven’t visited home like I should, and I’m feeling like an asshole. I’m always too busy.”
“I’m so sorry, but Nate, why aren’t you at home instead of in Gold Hawke? You’re not that busy. You could have been spending time with him instead of being here.” I wave my arm around. He stares at me blankly, but doesn’t say a word. “I’m sorry,” I say again. “What is he sick with?”
Something flickers in his eyes when I mention the sickness. “You really want to know? It’s real depressing shit.”
I nod even though I’m not sure if I want to know. “An autoimmune disease that is one-hundred-percent treatable.” He exhales noisily. “When Lexington Pharmaceuticals closed due to the Lexington scandal, they stopped making the one and only drug that can help Felix.” My heart pounds and it feels like it drops all the way to my toes for a second or two. Lexington is my real surname. Lexington Pharmaceuticals was part of my dad’s empire—a huge source of his wealth. When he was found guilty, no one wanted to touch his businesses for fear of either eventual retribution, or dirty money and seedy business deals putting employees in danger. My dad is a powerful man. I didn’t realize the decision had been made to close it down altogether. The ramifications. The penance the world has to pay. There isn’t a corner that my father’s bad dealings haven’t touched.
“They have to make the drug somewhere else,” I say, breathless. “They have to.” Tears sneak out and slide down my face. Nate won’t know the real reason I’m sobbing is because Felix’s demise and who knows how many others are on my hands. Not really, but might as well be. I was primed to take over parts and pieces of the business one day. I would have tried to make it right when I realized how dirty it was, but it would have been me. “Jesus, I’m so sorry,” I say again, hanging my head in my hands. When I look up, Nate is staring at me. “What’s it called? What’s the drug that he needs?”
Nate smiles meanly. “You have some underground dealer connection, Presley? Don’t bother, it’s over for Felix. He’s not going to make it. It’s been too long without it.”
“What’s it called?” I ask again, stronger this time, an aggression in my tone Nate has yet to hear. “And what is Felix’s last name? Tell me his address.”
My stomach flips, and I get a little dizzy when I think about my dad and my former life. It’s been so long that I’ve been in this pure, hellhole, that I’m not even sure I’ll be able to get what I need, but I’ll regret not trying to help Nate, and I know that as a fact.
“Listen, if you want to help me out, I’d appreciate if you didn’t maim your face, piss off Rayleen, or do anything stupid while I’m away. I want you to be safe when I return.”
“Nate, you can either tell me what I want to know, or I’ll figure it out by myself. The means of the second option probably won’t be on the up-and-up.” He tells me quickly, so quickly I know he doesn’t think I’ll remember. I do, though. It’s one thing I’ll never forget.
Nate stands wearily. “I shouldn’t have told you about Felix.” He shakes his head.
“Friends confide in each other. If that’s what you’re so hell-bent on us being, you’re going to need to open up way more than that, Nate.”
“Thanks. I mean, thanks for listening. I don’t have anyone to talk to about…pretty much anything.”
“What about your family?” I fire back. It sounds like they’re alive, well, and living peacefully somewhere else without him. “Where are they?”
“Montana,” Nate says. “I’ve broken the communication line with them. Not on purpose, just being away for long periods of time and life in general. Plus, I’m not the talking kind of man.”
“Do you also have acell phoneI can borrow along with this laptop? One that will get service no matter where I’m at?”
Nate lifts one brow. “Where are you going to go?”
“My tin can. I want to be able to call out if I need help.”
“You won’t need help,” Nate says, and it seems like he believes it. “I have an old phone that you can use. It gets service.” He walks into the guest room and comes out with it. He hands it to me. “You have to press this code before you dial out, do you understand?”he asks, showing me a six-digit code in the notes section.
“What happens if I don’t press it first?”
“The call won’t be…private,” he replies, gaze shifting away from me.
I clear my throat. “Why do I always feel like there’s something you’re not telling me. Like a big something, something I’d be pissed about?”
“Maybe I should tell you then. At least it would piss you off and then I wouldn’t have to worry about wanting to…kiss you.”
I smirk. “You act like a kiss would kill you.” I slip the phone into my bag and pick up the laptop. “I’m lethal, but my tongue isn’t poison.”
Nate slams his eyes closed and shakes his head. “Can we not talk about your tongue please? What I’m not telling you is something that keeps you safe. Okay?”
As if I wasn’t scared enough by the thought of having to talk to contacts from my old life, but now it’s like Nate knows I’m about to jump in dangerous waters. “Don’t worry about my safety. Go to Felix.” The lump in my throat gets even bigger. “I’m going to fix this.”
“Fix what?” he says, brows furrowing. “You alone are going to bring back big pharma? Felix isn’t the only one dying. Thousands of people have already died since it went down.” He’s not using my father’s name and for that I’m grateful. “This isn’t fixable, and surely it’s not fixable by you.”
