Page 12 of The Lies You Love
Beck runs his hands through his hair, and I watch his biceps flex at the movement. “Of course, I accept your apology, and this has nothing to do with your past.”
A caustic laugh slips. “Oh, now I get it. It’s an it’s not you, it’s me type of thing?”
The man, who towers over me, closes the distance between us and doesn’t stop until I can feel his breaths and his body heat steeping the air between us. “I want you. I want you for as long as I can have you, but when I go back when the month is up, I will have to give you up completely. If the sex was even half as good for you as it was for me, you’ll understand how walking away from it will be difficult. It is a me thing and not a you thing. When I’m working, I have to be all the way on. I can’t be thinking about fucking your pussy.”
My core clenches at the tone of his voice, at the directness of his words. I’m holding my breath, and when I try to catch it, my chest presses against his body—a reminder of how much my last relationship cost me. “If you’re willing to sacrifice good sex for a what-if, just walk away right now. This can be over.” I don’t even believe the words coming out of my mouth.
He smirks at me.
“Or we can start over. Come to lunch with me. Meet my friend, Ramsey.”
At that, the lust haze seems to snap. Beckett takes several steps away from me, his face changes completely. “I, uh, forgot I have to do something,” he says.
Is it fear? Or something else lurking in his gaze.
“I’m really sorry.”
“Did I say something wrong?”
He shakes his head, looks at the huge wooden photo of me on the wall. “No, no. This really is me, not you.”
He makes another move for the door, but another customer comes in, so he’s able to vanish around the corner quicker than I can stop him. I feel like I might vomit or pass out, or something equally as horrible. I opened up to him. I didn’t think it would end in any other way, though. I mean, maybe more sex. More sex would have been nice. Men like that don’t want women like me for more than that, though. I am damaged goods, plain and simple.
Beckett validated all the negative thoughts that trail through my mind on the daily.
I’m broken, and men will always leave. After six years, or after twelve hours.
Men leave. They never choose me.
CHAPTER FIVE
Beck
What the fuck am I doing? What the fuck am I doing? What the fuck am I doing! I rush down the street away from Auden and the complications that I knew were coming the second I woke up and saw the damn bird laying on the windowsill. In the light of day, without any distractions, I knew who Annie truly was. The confirmation when I saw the necklace dangling in the store window and then the portrait hanging on the wall cemented how sex-crazed I’d become after a month of all work and no play. I had a full night fuck fest, the best of my life no less, with Ramsey’s best friend. This is way too close for comfort.
How did I not know last night? Was it the granny costume? Was I so horny that my blinders rendered me a complete moron? Too drunk? I don’t know if I were able to take back last night that I would. Even now, walking away, I know I’m not going to be able to stay away from her all month. Not even if I find a willing woman this very second. I circle back to my mantra. What the fuck am I doing? I’d never paid attention to Auden. I never looked at her face to face. My exposure to her is limited to seeing her at a distance and an old surveillance photo that was included in Ramsey’s Principal file. There was never energy expended on knowing Auden or wondering what she looked like up-close. Hell, I didn’t even know her background other than the pet store and her address. I inhale a deep breath to clear my mind knowing nothing will erase the memory of last night. This is something I’m going to think about for a long time. I’ve dealt with worse—Charge Man training. Auden’s siren call can’t be stronger than my code of ethics.
Taking my phone from my jeans pocket, I call Griffin, his voice is gruff and groggy when he answers. “Where are you?” I ask.
“We’re about to grab breakfast. Do you want to join us, or are you still busy?” I can hear the smile in his voice. “With your grandma.”
“I’ll meet you. Where?” I keep my response clipped. Getting into any conversation about Auden right now would be bad. I have to calm down and control my thoughts. I realize it crosses my wires because I’m supposed to be off right now, but this woman is so connected in Ramsey’s life that there’s no escaping. I read Grey’s nightly report this morning before I left, and after I knew why Annie reeked of familiarity. It made my skin crawl. I could have landed in the report today if I’d gone to lunch with Auden to meet Ramsey. Grey would know. Everyone would know. It’s more embarrassing because I should have known. I should have been aware and stopped it.
Griffin gives me an address that I commit to memory, and I head that way. It’s a long walk, but I need to think. I should call home and talk to my folks. I should do anything other than be alone with my thoughts right now. I didn’t break any Charge Men rules. Relationships with our Principals are forbidden, but there isn’t any guidance on relationships with their best friend. Sure, it would complicate everything because I’d be forced to meet Ramsey in real life, but would it be impossible to balance? Lexington changed the rules because he deemed a life outside of guarding was necessary for our health. Blowing out a breath, I remind myself I’m not doing anything wrong. I think. I know Grey will be pissed as fuck having to deal with the consequences of this via his proximity, but he’ll get over it eventually.
Can I have Auden in a meaningful way? Is it a liability getting close to Ramsey by proxy of getting close to Auden? No decisions are made as I walk into the restaurant and scan the room to find my friends. They’re easy to spot—a table filled with men in the corner. Their energy is less vibrant than last night, but seeing them relieves me all the same.
Ronan, the groom, looks like a bag of garbage that’s roasting in the sun. Clapping his shoulder, I take an empty chair next to him. “You must be ready to walk down the aisle and be done with this, huh? Never thought going out with the guys would be worse than the ole’ ball and chain?”
He groans, wrapping one arm around his stomach. “Don’t talk about last night. I’m never drinking again.”
Griffin injects, “He means he’s not drinking until the Bloody Marys arrive. The party is already starting back up.”
“I’m not drinking. You’re insane,” Ronan argues. “Get as drunk as you want, but count me out.”
Chuckling under my breath, I drag a menu over to examine it. It’s one of those places that serves a little bit of everything. “This is your party, how are we supposed to count you out?” I ask.
Griffin signals for the waitress as she carries a tray filled with brunch-worthy alcoholic drinks. She drops the drinks off, and Griffin orders food. I order two full meals because I’m starving. Food is my other favorite part during my off months. When I’m guarding Ramsey, my food is clean and fast, without much thought. She leaves, wiggling her ass more than when she came over.
