Page 43 of The Lies You Love
Smiling, I exhale noisily. “Not again, but think about our lives before we met. I mean, I know what I was doing and it was the opposite of this.” I wave my arm around his room. “Meeting parents and putting it all on the line.”
“I agree, we didn’t see it coming, but isn’t that the good shit? The unknown that surprises you. Turns life upside down.” Beck meets my eyes. “In a good way,” he clarifies. He grabs my face in his warm hands and a shiver shoots up my spine.
“You seem unreal sometimes. Like I’m going to wake up from a dream and this won’t be real. You won’t be real.”
I swallow down a lump in my throat as my stomach flips.
“I want this to be real so bad that I worry about it constantly. I worry about every single thing I say or do. I worry that after this month is over everything will go back to how it was before. I worry that I’m asking for you to change your entire life if things keep progressing between us. I can’t be the reason you don’t follow your dreams.”
Beck looks thoughtful as he looks at me. “Dreams change, Auden.” He pulls my face to his and he kisses me. “Put on some clothes. You’ll be getting dirty in the garden.”
He backs away, and I hate the distance. His smile widens as he takes another exaggerated step toward the door.
“And tonight, we’ll get dirty in here.” Beck humps the air with his arms bent ninety degrees.
My mouth drops open. “Not at your parents’ house,” I whisper-shout, even though the idea makes me wet. “Even I have my limits.” I fold my arms across my chest.
“I’m the person who knows how to push your limits and take you past them,” he says, casually, quickly leaving the room before I can reply.
My emotions are roiling as I pace to the window and unzip my suitcase. Rams called on the ride from the airport so I pull out my phone and call her back.
She doesn’t say hello. “Is he there with you?”
I cringe. “Is who here with me?”
“Duh, Beck,” she counters.
“I’m staying at his parents’ house. He’s here in the house with me,” I say, looking back at the closed bedroom door. “But he’s not next to me. Why are you asking?”
She clears her throat. “I worry about you and want you to tell me everything, but you can’t if he’s standing next to you.”
There’s been something about Ramsey since I began dating Beck. I can’t put my finger on it, but she’s been acting differently toward me and our conversations changed. I think she’s seen Griffin a few more times since the horrible night in the woods at that party. Ramsey’s not on her usual rampage with men from dating apps. There’s been exactly zero men since Griffin and the logical explanation is that she likes Griffin and she’s moving on like I did with Beck, except I know that’s not true. She looks at him like he’s an annoyance—a pesky younger sibling she’s entertaining because her mom told her to. It doesn’t make sense, but I also haven’t questioned her. I run my hand over a stuffed alligator on a shelf. “Ramsey, there’s nothing to tell you.”
“What are his parents like?” she asks.
“They’re wonderful as I expected they’d be. Their house is big and beautiful. His dad gardens and his mom seems to love cooking. We just got here so I don’t have a full backstory yet.” I pause. “Ramsey, are you okay? You’ve been acting weird lately.”
“What are you talking about?”
I clear my throat. “Never mind, forget it. Are you sunbathing tomorrow?” She always does. It’s her ritual.
“I don’t know. It’s getting colder, but I want to know what you mean. How have I been acting weird?”
We never talked about the night at the party. How she seemed to know the realtor. How she got the invite. What it meant was that she had a whole group of friends or acquaintances, and I knew nothing about them as her supposed best friend. She is watching the store for me during the times Tess couldn’t this weekend. Ramsey is undeniably there for me in a way my other friends aren’t. I guess maybe I question her motives sometimes. I fail to bring anything substantial to our friendship these days save for a better rooftop to sunbathe on. “Are you seeing guys? You seem preoccupied lately, not following your normal… habits.” I pick up a pair of leggings and a long-sleeved shirt from the top of my suitcase. “Are you still seeing Griffin?”
Ramsey exhales. “I’m still fucking him if that’s what you’re asking.”
I shake my head. “Only him?”
She pauses. “Yes.”
“Somehow, I feel like that was a lie.”
There’s a scratchy noise on the other side of the line. “It’s not. I just wanted to check in. The store looks great. I popped over to check on things and to take the bank deposit.”
“Oh great. Thanks again. I owe you one.”
“You don’t. We’re friends.” There’s a lull, then she says, “Your friends stopped by while I was there. Betty, Margot, and…”
