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THE CHANGE INmy outlook on life over the past month has been incredible. After Brady and I broke up, I was devastated, depressed, and convinced I would never love again (dramatic, I know). But now, I’m feeling hopeful; After the unanticipated activities with James, I realize that sometimes life throws curveballs in the weirdest and most unexpected ways. I know now that my hurt won’t last forever — in fact, it’s lessening significantly with each passing day — and that I will be able to love again.

Not that I love James or anything. I just barely started talking to him. At best, he’s a fantastic distraction for awhile. I spend my day at work thinking about what a great distraction he could continue to be . . . If he could make me feel that way with just his fingers, I’m dying to know what he can do with the rest of his body. Though I’m honestly not sure if he wants us to keep this up. He denied any reciprocation last night, and I can’t help but wonder if he satiated whatever curiosity about me he may have had. The thought of that makes me unreasonably sad, so I don’t think about it.

When I get off work, I’m already looking forward to going to the gym. Seeing James has quickly become the highlight of my day. But when I pull into my apartment parking lot, I see a familiar vehicle — Brady’s. Why the fuck is he here?

He’s exits his car as soon as he sees me, and I’m immediately on edge. He already has made it a point to rub his new girlfriend in my face, so what else could he possibly want?

I step out of my car, and before he can say anything, I level a scowl in his direction. “What do you want, Brady?” As much as I want to lose my shit at him, I make it a point to sound as uninterested as possible, because I know that will piss him off even more.

“Ivy, just listen for a second, please.” He rounds the car and blocks my path.

I sigh, cross my arms, and look up at him, waiting for whatever bullshit he’s about to throw my way.

“I — I’m sorry. For yesterday, I mean. Well, and for cheating on you.”

I can’t help but laugh at his pitiful apology and the circumstances that brought us here. “Kay, good to know.”

“And . . . Well, I broke up with Madeline.” He hangs his head, his hands shoved into his pockets. I’m honestly shocked at his confession, and I have no clue what to say to him, so I say nothing. After a moment of awkward silence, he continues. “I don’t know why the fuck I cheated on you. You were great to me, and I took advantage of that. I’m honestly so fucking sorry.”

I’ve never seen him this open and vulnerable. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever heard him apologize for anything, ever. “I mean, I’m not gonna say it’s okay, but I appreciate you apologizing.”

He nods, looking up to meet my confused stare.

“I—” He lets out another deep sigh, as if preparing himself for what he’s about to say next. “I know I have no right to say this, but . . . I want you back.”

My eyes nearly pop out of my head. “Seriously?”

He nods again.

“Sorry, but no. I’m glad you realized you fucked up, but why would I ever get back with you after you purposefully deceived me for months? It’s not even like it was a one-time thing. Fuck that.”

“Is there someone else?”

I level him my best ‘Are you fucking kidding me’ glare. “Even if there was, it wouldn’t make a difference. You knowingly cheated on me multiple times, and you probably would’ve kept doing it if I hadn’t found out. Then, as if that wasn’t enough, you brought her to the gym, the one place I go to get my frustrations out, and encouraged her to be a bitch to me. Why would Ievertake you back?”

As I speak, I see him switch into defensive mode, straightening his shoulders and looking increasingly more angry. “Well, maybe if you’d been a better girlfriend, I wouldn’t have cheated on you!” Yep, there’s the deflection I was waiting for.

I scoff, but I keep my voice level, because I know he wants me to yell back at him so he can write me off as ‘the crazy ex girlfriend.’ I even smile a little, because I know it will irritate him. “Really, Brady? Because I recall paying for most of our shit, letting you stay at my apartment most of the time, and being respectful to your needs. Please, tell me, how was I not a good girlfriend?”

He rolls his eyes, knowing he lost this argument, and walks back to his car. I hear the words “fuckin’ bitch” and “fatass” under his breath, and I decide to piss him off one last time, just for good measure.

“I seem to remember you enjoying this ‘fat ass’ quite a bit, but I’m sorry you’ll miss it.” I smile sweetly as he scowls at me and slams his car door before peeling out of the parking lot.

Good riddance.

I DON’T WAITto go to the gym today; As soon as I step into my apartment, I begin tossing off my clothes, trading my business casual for leggings and a t-shirt. At any minute I might explode from this pent-up energy, and I’m not even sure what it is exactly. Anger? Irritation? Relief from finally getting closure? Whatever sort of energy it is, I need to work it out.

The parking lot of the gym is pretty full; It’s barely past six, which is normally the busiest time for the gym. As I walk in, I try to subtly look around for James, and I see him off in the corner talking to one of the regulars.

I scan my membership card and flash a smile to the guy working the front desk. I used to see him pretty regularly when Brady and I would come around this time, but from what I can tell, he usually leaves once the evening rush is over.

“Hey, Ivy! Nice to see you again.”

“You too. Sorry, I had to switch up my schedule for a while.”

“It’s all good. See ya around,” he says with a grin.

I can feel James eyeing me from across the room, but I don’t want to make our newfound connection obvious, so I ignore it and head to the treadmill for my warm-up. With my workout playlist loud and my rhythm steady, I zone out as I walk the inclined surface of the treadmill. After a few minutes, though, my mind begins to wander, and I find myself searching for James in the room. He seems preoccupied with the various conversations he’s having, so I finish my workout for the day with no further distractions, feeling much calmer now than when I came in.

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