Page 61 of Pieces Of You

Motioning toward the bed, he stands taller, mumbles, “I didn’t come here for…that.”

“Then whyareyou here? Because it sure as fuck isn’t to talk. You’ve barely said two words to—”

“Because you’re the only fucking thing that makes sense to me right now!” he shouts. And then he takes a breath as he eyes the ceiling; his hands now fists at his sides. “And I wish I knew what to make of that, but I don’t.” He reaches up, runs a hand through his hair. “I don’t know what it means, Jamie, and I don’t even know why I’m telling you this because...” He trails off, his eyes meeting mine, and I wish I were doing more than just standing here, in shock, silently replaying his words in my head.

I’m the only thing that makes sense to him?What does that even mean?

“I have to go,” he says again, pushing off the wall.

He’s already one foot out of the bedroom before I finally find my voice. “Wait!”

He stops, his back to me. I don’t know what I’d planned on saying after thewait,but that’s all I needed from him. Justwait. Wait for me to get my thoughts together and my heart to catch up to my mind—to his words floating around in there—wreaking havoc, creating mayhem like they are. “Sit down.”

He spins on his heels; his head lowered as he shuffles to the bed. He keeps it that way as he slumps down, eyes cast downward.

I sit sideways on his lap, my legs between his, and curl my arm around his neck. “Hi,” is all I can think to say.

“Hi,” he responds, his chest deflating as his arms tighten around me.

I lean into him, ignoring all the questions and uncertainty floating between us. “It was a pleasant surprise—seeing you after work.”

He rears back, eyes meeting mine. “It was?”

I nod. “Are you going to tell me what’s going on?”

He lowers his head to the crook of my neck before inhaling deeply. After a moment, he says, sounding almost defeated, “It doesn’t even matter anymore. This…” He brings me closer. “This is what matters.” He kisses me quickly before pulling away. “But I really do have to go. I don’twantto. But Ihaveto. I told my mom I was just picking you up from work, and I made a stupid promise to her that I’d be home on school nights, so…”

“It’s okay,” I say, attempting to get up. “You should go.”

He only holds me tighter. “Come with me?”

“To yourhouse? Why?”

He sucks in a breath, lets it out forcefully. And when his eyes settle on mine, I recognize the pain, the torment. “Because I need you, Jamie… I just…” He kisses me again. “Ineedyou.”

30

Jamie

I joltawake at the sound of a phone ringing, and for a moment, I’m disorientated… because the phone ringing isn’t mine and I’m not in my bed. “Sorry,” Holden mumbles, reaching across me to flick on the lamp. “I have to take this.” He sits up as he grabs his phone, pushing the covers down to his lap. “Mia Mac,” he says in greeting, his voice scratchy from sleep. “No…” He shakes his head. “I wasn’t sleeping… I was—yeah, okay, I was, but it’s fine… how… how are you?” There’s a sincerity in his tone that has me rolling to my side, placing a hand on his back to… what? Comfort him? I don’t know, and I don’t really know much about Mia besides the fact that he cares deeply for her.

“Yeah?” Holden says into the phone, and I feel his muscles relax beneath my touch. Just slightly. “Have you eaten?” His body slumps with relief at her answer, and I push the covers off me, get out of bed. It’s obvious they need to talk, and I want him to do that openly. Freely.

As soon as I’m on my feet, Holden reaches for my arm, mouths, “Stay.”

And I motion, with my hands, that I’m just getting water. I’m not thirsty, far from it. I’m also not fully awake or coherent because I don’t even think as I make my way toward the lit kitchen. I have no concept of time, no idea how long we’d been asleep.

When we got here, Holden led me straight to his room and said to go ahead and use his shower. He told me he was going to check in on his mom, and when I got out, he was already in his bed waiting for me.

And then we…

Weslept.

And I have to admit, there’s something about simplysleepingwith Holden—being wrapped in his arms, enveloped in his warmth, drowning in his scent—that competes with the notion ofsexwith Holden. Aaand now I’m contemplating returning and having sex with Holden. Even worse? I’mrememberingwhat it was like. Which is probably the last thing I should be doing, especially since I just walked into the kitchen… where his mom is… sitting at the table working on a jigsaw puzzle.

Awesome.

I freeze in the doorway, quick to tug down at my shirt. I’m fully aware that my legs are bare, so I can’t fault her for any possible assumptions.

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