Page 106 of Pieces of Me

He nods, smiling wide, utterly unaware of the differing emotions fighting in my mind. My heart. “Well, you seemed so interested in it when you were here last. I thought it might be something you’d like to do.”

I nod, speechless, and run a finger over the spinning wheel.

“And look here,” he says, moving to a desk in the corner I hadn’t realized was there. He knocks on the wood top. “It’s Holden’s old one from when he homeschooled, but I figure it will do for now… so you can work in here with us, and you don’t have to be stuck in the stuffy office all day.”

“I—” I don’t even know what to say, how to act.

“You hate it,” he deadpans, and I shake my head, my eyes and throatburningwith the need to cry.

“That’s okay.” He rushes over to me as he pulls out his phone. “It’s not the best of desks, but Mags and I saw this on that Pinterboard thing she’s always going on about.” He taps at his phone, swipes. “Here it is,” he says, showing me his phone. I’m grateful for our height difference, so he can’t see my face, can’t see how hard I’m trying to keep it together. “It’s real flowers in that resin stuff. You can pick out the flowers you want, and I can build a box for you to pour in and make a desktop, and I was thinking… maybe we go see Peg-leg Jimmy in his studio and ask him to make some nice legs for it, I think—”

I hug him. Hard and tight. And he returns the embrace, his massive arms wrapping around me, enveloping me. And finally,finally, I cry.

I sob into his shirt, my shoulders shaking, and he keeps his hold on me, stroking my hair, my back. And it only makes me cry some more.

Not once does he ask why or question what’s wrong.

He just holds me back. “Whatever it is, Jamie, I promise you, it’s okay.”

I break down at his words, completely losing it in the arms of a man who unknowingly just cracked my heart open, letting all the pieces of me fall to his feet.

“You’re going to be okay,” he tells me, and I realize now how he could break me so easily…

Because I feel like I’m that little girl again, standing alone watching my world crumble around me, and all I wanted…

All I needed…

Was for someone to hug me.

To hold me.

To tell me that everything will be okay.

And that

it’s

not

my

fault.

43

Holden

The sun’s just beginning to rise when I get back to the house. Both mine and Mia’s trucks are still parked in the driveway, so it doesn’t seem like Jamie’s left, and if she has… well, then that’s the fate she’s giving us.

For minutes, I sit in the RV parked behind the house, my head resting on the steering wheel because I’m not ready.

I’m not ready to face her, and I’m not willing to lose her, but that choice isn’t mine to make.

I don’t know what happened.

It’s a thought that’s kept me up all night, driving circles in my mind while I drove circles in her RV.

I don’t know what happened.

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