Page 84 of Pieces of Me

It was the perfect first date, and I’m nowhere near ready for it to be over.

“What are you doing out here, anyway?” Holden asks, pulling me from my thoughts.

I answer, “I like it out here. The smells. The plants. The birds.”

“Thebirds?”

“Yep.” I nod. “I’ve already talked to them, introduced myself so they know I’m not a danger to them.”

His chuckle is deep, raw, and I feel the effects of it right in my chest. “You little Snow White,” he says, tapping my leg.

I look out at the garden and try to spot the same birds from earlier. “What do you mean?”

“Didn’t Snow White communicate with birds or something?” I think about it a moment, coming up blank, and shrug in response. “Yeah,” Holden says, “when she was with the dwarfs.”

I face him. “What dwarfs?”

It takes him a moment to realize, and I can sense the moment it hits him. His eyes turn soft, his lip pulling down to a frown. “You don’t knowSnow White and the Seven Dwarfs, do you?”

“I guess not,” I croak. “Maybe Mom read it to me before… you know, but I think I was too young to remember it.”

Holden smooths a hand up and down my leg. “Aww,baby.”

“Shut up,” I laugh out.

He squeezes my thigh in response. “How long can you stay for?”

I hide my smile on his bare shoulder. “I don’t have any immediate plans.”

“So forever it is,” he declares.

Forever is a dream, and I hate the flash of insecurity that flickers through my mind. It’s been there since I woke up this morning, coming and going as it pleases, and I really wish it would just fuck off.

Holden runs his nose along my temple, shifting my hair so he can kiss me there. “I was thinking…” he starts, leaning back into the seat. He sucks in a sharp breath, releases it slowly. “Since you like it out here so much, I could build a roof over this area, pave it out a couple of yards. Maybe get some garden beds right here,” he says, pointing a straight line in front of us. “You could put whatever you want in them, so you canchoose what you get to seeevery morning.”

A breath catches in my throat. “Those are some pretty permanent plans,” I say, dragging my hazy eyes to his.

“Yeah, well, my feelings for you are pretty permanent.” He cracks a hint of a smile. “Obviously.”

For minutes, we sit together, neither of us saying a word. It would be so, so perfect… if it weren’t for the constant reminders of impeding dread flying through my mind. In and out. Again and again. Finally, I ask, not looking at him, “How’s your mom, Holden?”

“What?” he laughs out, and my shoulders tense. “That’s random.”

I drop my gaze, trying not to let my discomfort show. “Well, I know that you guys were close. But, I haven’t heard you talk about her much.”

“Yeah, we’re still close,” he answers quickly. “She’s still on her honeymoon at the moment, so we don’t talk as much as we usually do, but she’ll be back in a couple of months.”

A couple of months.

That’s the limit of expectation I’m setting myself.

I push on with the questions because my need to know outweighs the uncertainty. “So, things didn’t change much with you guys after I left?”

“Not really,” he says. “Before you even left, she was already traveling between Tennessee and New York to be with Mia. And once Benny was born, she was there almost full-time. By the time I went off to college, she’d kind of already started a new life with without me.” He shrugs. “Besides, I’m grown now, so… I guess things changed a little, but that’s to be expected, right?”

I shrug, stare off into the distance, and mumble, “I wouldn’t know.”

Holden’s quiet for a long moment. Too long. And when I trail my gaze back to him, he’s watching me, his brow set, breaths even. “What happened just now?” he asks.

---