Page 167 of Heartache Duet

“Girlgency. Mind your own business!”

AVA

“Hey, girl!” Karen calls out, climbing the bleacher steps, just like Connor used to do. I sit taller when I hear her and put my phone away, ignoring Connor’s message asking if I’m okay.

I’m not okay.

And he can’t be the person to help me through it.

I say, “Sorry to call you. I hope you weren’t busy.”

Rolling her eyes, she sits down next to me. “I was just about to punch Mitch in the face for the third time today, so no, not busy at all, and never too busy for you. What’s going on?”

“It’s stupid,” I admit, regret filling me. I had a moment of panic and thought it would be a good idea to reach out to someone who might actually be able to help me. But now that she’s here, I can’t form the words.

“Ava,” she deadpans. “Spill it.”

“It’s a… boy thing,” I tell her because apparently, I’m twelve.

Karen smiles, and I realize how badly I miss these moments with her. “A Connor thing?”

I nod.

“So? Tell me.”

“I… I’m scared.”

She settles in next to me, her legs kicked out, her arms outstretched behind her. “Of what, exactly?”

“Of history repeating, I guess.”

“Well, I don’t really know what happened with you guys last time, so…”

“Things just got too hard,” I admit. “With my mom and his basketball, it just seemed to take up all our time, and when we were together, it was… I don’t know. Bad? Not bad as in we didn’t want to be there, but we were under so much stress and…” I puff out a breath. “I’m talking in circles, and this is pointless.” I stand, unable to sit still any longer.

“It’s not pointless. But just… get it out, A. Whatever you’re thinking, just say it.”

I look at her, at the genuine concern in her eyes, and so I do as she says and just… let go. “The first time we fell in love, it was… magic, you know? Like we were two people who just happened to be at the right place at the right time, and there was this undeniable attraction…” I start pacing, my heart beating wildly in my chest. “And we just seemed so connected in so many ways, and then life… life happened, and it tore us apart, and that’s okay.” I nod to myself, my throat aching with my swallow. “I’ve come to terms with the fact that it had to happen, but now…”

“Now what?” she asks, her voice low as she watches me.

“Now, it’s different.”

“How?”

I slump back down next to her. “Now, it’s like those feelings have amplified. We’re so close to being back there, but I’m afraid because… because things are so much more now. They mean so much more. I mean, every time he looks at me, I feel this”—I bring my hand to my heart—“this ache in here, like… like something is missing and Connor’s it, and last night…”

“What happened last night?” she encourages.

“Last night, he came over and he and my mom—they had this moment together that just killed me in all the best ways.”

“So, what’s the problem?” she laughs out.

“I—” I take a calming breath, drop my head in my hands. “I want it so bad,” I say, trying to collect my emotions. “But I want it forever. And I don’t think that’s possible. Not under my circumstances. Not even under his.”

Karen nods as if taking everything in. She stares out at the field for seconds that feel like hours. Then she blinks, slowly, her gaze moving to mine. “You want to know what I think?”

“Please,” I breathe out.

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