Page 27 of Season of Mercy
“I have feelings for you. Strong feelings that are growing stronger every day. I know we’re not doing this in the right order. First, we got married and now we’re dating. But it doesn’t change the way I feel about you.”
“I have strong feelings for you, too,” Mercy said when she was finally able to utter a single word. She lowered her voice to make sure her son wouldn’t overhear her. So far, he seemed to be taken by the chimpanzees. “But I don’t know if you can change your ways. And... I come with emotional baggage. It’s difficult for me to trust someone.”
“I can be very patient.” Ethan’s eyes darkened.
“You should know something. The night Cole died... we had an argument. I begged him to stop gambling and to get help for his addiction. He yelled that he’d had enough of my nagging. That Stevie and I took away his freedom.” She paused. It was difficult for her to talk about this.
“I’m so sorry this happened to you.”
“I asked Cole to lower his voice so as not to wake up Stevie. Cole screamed that he should’ve walked out a long time ago, that I held him back and he hated me for that. He stormed out, got drunk at a bar, and crashed his car into a tree.” She glanced in Stevie’s direction to check on him while her eyes prickled with tears.
“It wasn’t your fault Cole died.” Compassion flashed in Ethan’s eyes.
“I surrendered my guilt to the Lord. I don’t blame myself for Cole’s death anymore.” Mercy took a deep breath.
“I wouldn’t do to you what Cole did.” Ethan’s voice was sincere.
“I know that.” Her heart bled at the memory. She checked on Stevie again. “But if you decide you’ve had enough of our marriage, I don’t know how to stop you.”
“You’ve got it all wrong.” Ethan stepped closer to her.
“I’m hungry! Like a bear!” Stevie’s voice brought her back from memory lane.
Ethan gave her a long look as if he wanted to say something else and then ruffled Stevie’s hair. “I’ll go get some snacks. I’ll be back soon.”
“Let’s go look at the ostriches.” She rolled Stevie’s stroller.
“Oh, yeah. They hide their heads in the sand when they are afraid, right, Mommy?”
Mercy nodded.
Am I hiding my head in the sand about my marriage?
Minutes later, Stevie peered at the large birds. “I want out of the stroller.”
She moved him out of the stroller and placed him on the ground. Then she squatted and studied Stevie. “Do you still feel okay?”
“Yes.” He nodded several times, as if for emphasis. “Let’s look at the ostriches.”
She took his hand. While he watched the huge birds, her thoughts wandered.
Ethan probably meant what he’d said about having strong feelings for her. But this was when she wished she didn’t know him so well or that he hadn’t told her so much about his relationships in their friendship years.
He’d developed feelings for some of his girlfriends sometimes, but those feelings evaporated about a month later after dating them. Ethan’s feelings could change fast.
Then something felt wrong.
Her hand was empty!
“Stevie?” Her heart sinking, Mercy looked around.
There was a family nearby with small twin boys, but her son was nowhere to be seen. Mercy did her best to push down the panic.
How could he have slipped away?
“Stevie, where are you?” She raised her voice.
The ostriches looked at her but of course didn’t answer.
