Page 34 of All He Sees
Nicky frowned. "Why are you acting like this?"
He paused, taking a moment, and sighed through the phone. "God, Nicky, I'm sorry," he said. "I just... I'm not taking this as well as I wanted to."
This was alarming. "What do you mean?" Nicky asked. "What's going on? Why are you acting like this?"
"I just... I guess I thought I had a shot with you," Matt said. "And now I realize I didn't. I guess... I guess I'm just having a rough day."
Nicky hesitated on her reply. Part of her did like Matt, and she had intentions of seeing him again. But after this? Nicky was realizing quickly that she couldn't give Matt the type of commitment he was asking for. If she threw him some hope, said it was all okay, then when would be the next time she'd get a drunk, needy phone call?
No. She needed to end this now, before it escalated.
"I'm gonna go," Nicky said, her voice shaking. "I'm sorry, Matt. I don't want to hurt you, but I don't think we should see each other anymore."
"Nicky," Matt pleaded. "Nicky, please hang on. I know I'm acting like a drunk idiot. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I just--I feel awful saying this, but I know you're out of my league. I get it. I understand. I just--I was so excited to meet up with you. I thought I'd have a shot with you. And I feel like such an idiot, getting my hopes up."
"Matt," Nicky said, "you're gonna be fine. You're a nice guy. There'll be someone else."
"No, there won't be," Matt whispered. "I know that now."
"What?"
"I'm just a nobody. I'm not good enough. But you and me--we have history, Nicky. We've known each other since we were kids. Don't throw it away, please."
"I'm sorry, Matt," she said, her heart pulling. "I wish you the best."
"Wait--"
Nicky hung up. She stood in the darkness of the balcony and stared at the ocean. Moonlight reflected off the surface of the water. It was so clear, so peaceful looking. Nicky wished she could be so calm.
She sunk into a chair on the balcony, her mind spinning. There were so many things happening at once, Nicky didn't know where to start. She'd made a mistake in getting involved with Matt, she knew that. But what was she going to do? Pretend nothing had happened, when everything had?
The shower turned off in the bathroom, and Nicky glanced inside to see Ken come out wearing a T-shirt and a paid of gray sweats. When he saw her on the balcony, he came over to the door and opened it, stepping outside too.
"Hey, what're you doing out here?" he asked.
Nicky sighed and looked away. "Just... dealing with some personal shit."
Even if Matt was acting like an idiot, it still hurt to close the door like that. But Nicky didn't have a sliver of room in her life for drama.
Maybe she'd find a guy someday, someone who could fit into her life, who understood her needs. But Nicky couldn't give Matt what he needed. And she cared about him because of their history, so she had to set him free.
He'd find the right girl someday.
Ken sat down beside her, and they both stared off the balcony in silence.
"You seem upset," Ken said. "Anything I can do?"
"It's fine," Nicky said, putting on a smile. "I just have a lot on my mind. It'll be fine."
"Well, if you ever want to talk," Ken said, "it's not like I have anywhere else to be."
Nicky glanced up at him and smiled. "Thanks, Walker. Likewise."
"Find anything on George Fischer?"
"Not really," Nicky confessed. "He has no criminal record. A bit of a name in town, though. Knows some businessmen, transports goods for them. Could be relevant."
"An arms dealer?" Ken suggested.
