Page 101 of Whispers of You
Holt led me through the station, and I kept my gaze focused on his back. I didn’t want to see the sympathetic looks. The worry. The anger. I wanted to do what Holt had done and turn it all off.
But I wouldn’t let myself. I’d made it through hell before. I could do it again. I wouldn’t lose all the joys in life just to numb the pain.
Holt held open the passenger door to his SUV and gently helped me inside. He bent, reaching across to buckle me in.
My breath caught. He’d done this before, too. When it still hurt my chest too much to buckle myself.
Holt rounded the vehicle, no sign of any emotion on his face.
We were both quiet on the drive. Each second of silence ticked up my anxiety a little more. The panic and what-ifs swirled around me, weaving a web that grew tighter and tighter.
Holt pulled to a stop in front of the cabin. I unbuckled myself and was out of the SUV before he could come around to my side.
“I was going to help you.”
“I didn’t need your help.”
His brows pulled together. “Let’s get you inside and lying down.”
His hand pressed against the small of my back, the gentlest pressure urging me onward. I hated that care. Him treating me as if I could break at any moment.
I swallowed hard and started for the house. I moved quickly enough to escape the gentleness of his hand. Pulling my keys from my pocket, I searched for the one to my front door. My fingers stuttered over the personal alarm.
It was something I didn’t think I’d ever be without now. I shoved the key into the lock and opened the door.
Shadow was right there, licking my hand and letting out a low whine.
I gave her a good scratch. “Everything’s okay.”
Holt didn’t say anything. He simply stepped inside and locked the door behind him.
I made my way to the kitchen, searching for the Tylenol and filling a glass with water.
“How bad does it hurt?” Holt asked.
“Not great, not awful. I’m sure a good night’s sleep will help.” And I was sure it would, but the chances of me getting one were slim to none.
Holt stared at me as I swallowed the pills.
I set the glass down with a clang. “Stop it.”
He jolted. “Stop what?”
“Don’t do this to me.”
Holt blanched.
“This is exactly how you sounded after I was shot. You said all the right words, but your voice was dead. You were holding my hand but putting a million miles between us. Don’t do this.” My voice cracked on the words, my fear breaking free and spilling out into the open.
He moved in a flash. He was on the other side of the kitchen and then suddenly, he was right there, wrapping himself around me. “I’m not pulling away. I promise.”
His pine-and-spice scent swirled around me. “You are. You’re here but it’s notyou.”
Holt nuzzled my neck, breathing me in. “I didn’t want to scare you.”
My hands pressed to his chest, giving him a hard shove. “Thisscares me. Nothing could terrify me more than watching you turn yourself off. Watching you fade away in front of my eyes.”
Holt’s hands fisted, his knuckles bleaching white. “You want to hear that when Law called, my heart stopped? That I want to find this person and end them. Not get them arrested and send them to jail,endthem.”
