Page 25 of Whispers of You
Only my ghost was still alive. He’d just vanished from my life.
Pain lanced my chest, that burning fire that a single bullet had started but was kept alive by the torture of missing the person I could never have.
Holt’s face flashed in my mind, torturing me just a little more. His hair was different. That same light brown shade but more closely cropped on the sides. I couldn’t help but wonder if that stray lock still swooped across his forehead.
I wanted it to. But maybe he’d found a way to tame it as he’d grown into a man. Nothing about the person I saw tonight read:boy. Broad shoulders and a muscular chest, defined arms and thighs that told me he was still running every day.
All it had taken was a single second for his image to burn itself into my mind—into my bones. To leave a scar just like so many others that ravaged me.
I’d never be able to clear it. My hand lifted of its own volition, slipping under my sweatshirt and finding the raised flesh. Some part of me had thought a bullet hole would be perfectly symmetrical, but mine certainly hadn’t healed that way—lopsided and with fraying edges.
I closed my eyes, breathing deeply. The mountain air soothed the shattered parts of my body and soul. I reminded myself that this was evidence of just how strong I was. That I could make it through anything. Because I’d done it before.
My eyes opened, and I let my hand drop to Shadow’s head, scratching behind her ears. My life was good—better than good. I had a home to call mine, beauty all around me, and a job that kept the lights on and gave me a sense of purpose I hadn’t been sure I’d ever have. I also had a dog that stuck by my side, and friends who were family. It was why I would never leave Cedar Ridge, and why I hadn’t left even when I was at my worst.
I had an embarrassment of riches. And Holt wouldn’t make me lose sight of that just because I didn’t havehim. He’d be here for a few days and then be off again to parts unknown. I wouldn’t hear his name on anyone’s lips for years to come.
I’d taken comfort in that before, felt safe in the walls I’d built around my existence—ones that he didn’t exist within. But something about that didn’t sit quite right now. Maybe because I’d seen him as a real, live, breathing human.
Maybe because I’d seen the hollow look in his eyes, the one that told me he’d turned something off within himself. I knew how that went. You thought you’d pay any price if you could just make the pain stop.
But when you turned off the pain, you turned off the pleasure. You couldn’t appreciate the way the moon glimmered on the lake. Or how a piece of chocolate tasted as it melted on your tongue. You missed the joy of friends wrapping you in so much love you thought you might drown in it.
You weren’t truly living.
I gave those thoughts a healthy shove. Holt hadn’t earned my empathy and understanding. And he’d made it clear that he hadn’t wanted my worry.
The best I could do was wish him nothing but good, even if that meant knowing he had a life that would never involve me.
Invisible claws of grief dug into my heart, but the pain was worth it to stop myself from drowning in anger and resentment. I would send him hope for a happy life, but I would do it from a distance.
Shadow’s head snapped up, her gaze cutting to the woods behind my cabin.
I grinned down at her. “Hear something you want to chase? Sorry, girl. Not tonight.”
My gaze flicked to the trees where a light glimmered for the briefest moment before extinguishing. The hair along Shadow’s spine rose as she let out a low growl.
I blinked a few times, wondering if my mind had conjured the light with all my reminiscing about the past. Bringing nightmares out into the light was never a good thing. I strained to see through the trees and swore I saw a flicker of movement.
A chill skittered across my skin. No one should’ve been out this way. The person who owned the property that butted up to mine had never built on it. The nearest house was a good mile away.
My eyes strained harder, but Shadow settled back on her dog bed. It was nothing and no one. I shook my head. Apparently, I was seeing ghosts everywhere now.
7
HOLT
The door openedwith a faint creak as I stepped inside Dockside Bar & Grill. My wrist ached with the motion—just another reminder of last night’s shitshow.
“I’ll be damned. Holt Hartley? Is that you?”
Jeanie’s voice carried enough that half a dozen patrons turned in their seats. An older couple I remembered as parents of a classmate bent their heads to whisper. A woman I thought had been a couple of years older than me blatantly stared.
I had to fight the grimace that pulled at my mouth, turning it into another of those damned forced smiles. “Good to see you, Jeanie.”
She pulled me into a back-slapping hug. “It’s good to see you. It’s been way too long.”
“Chris and Jude here?”
