Page 91 of Whispers of You
I nodded.
Grae blew out a breath as she settled back into her seat and punched something into her insulin pump. “I’m so sorry, Wren.”
“I know it’s not rational, but I can’t stop the fear from taking hold. I have these moments of crazy joy, but in between, all I see are the endless possibilities for how that could all be taken away.”
Grae sipped her coffee. “That’s the risk we all face. The price for loving deeply. Family, friendships, relationships. The only certain thing is that we’ll lose each other.”
My mouth went dry at her words.
“We don’t have control over that. We can only control how we live until it’s our time. Do you want to spend your time worrying yourself sick? Or do you want tolive?”
So much of the past ten years had been about protecting myself: from pain, disappointment, and grief. I’d created a bubble that was good. Safe. Predictable. But it wasn’t what life was with Holt. It let me escape a lot of the heartbreaking lows, but it didn’t have the soaring highs that made the world come alive around me.
When I was with Holt, there was this juxtaposition of sensations. He grounded me in a way that made me feel at home yet propelled me into the air for the greatest rush of my life. I’d never met another person who made me feel that way. And I didn’t want to lose that. I also didn’t want to dull it by pulling back.
I lifted my gaze to Grae’s. “If it doesn’t work out, it’s going to crush me.”
She gave me a sad smile. “Sometimes, that’s just the price we have to pay for the good stuff.”
I stared at my friend. Her words were heavy with experience, but she’d only ever had casual boyfriends as far as I knew. Grae was the one who usually did the dumping.
“Are you okay?”
Her smile brightened. “I’m fine. But I’d be better if we could watchLittle Women.”
A rightness settled in my heart. Not much could be better right now than some time with my bestie, watching a movie we could both recite by heart. Maybe a little of Grae’s fearlessness would rub off on me, and I’d be ready to take that final step.
31
HOLT
Sheriff Bruce Jenkinsmotioned to the sitting area on the side of his office. “Thanks for coming in. I know you’ve got a lot going on.”
“I appreciate you making the time to see me.”
Bruce nodded, offering me a bottle of water as I sat. “We’re desperate for a search and rescue team leader for the county. Phyllis left some big shoes to fill when she retired, and we haven’t had the right candidate come along since.”
“It’s a job that requires a lot of different skills.”
Bruce studied me thoughtfully. “Tell me how you see it.”
I nodded. “You’ve got the organizational piece. You need to run trainings, meetings, and searches. Facilitate schedules.”
“Mm-hmm.”
“Then there’s the morale piece. So much of SAR is making sure your team gels. That they get the support they need if there’s a tough callout. That there’s an element of fun in it all as much as possible because these people are volunteers.”
Bruce nodded. “That’s something a lot of the applicants have overlooked. Anything else?”
“The most important piece is that you can give your all to the search. You know I grew up doing this. My dad had us learning how to track before we could read.”
A grin stretched across Bruce’s face. “That doesn’t surprise me.”
I chuckled. “He loved what he did. Still loves it. And he passed that on to all of us. You need that love to stay invested. Because there will be times when the outcomes aren’t happy ones. And you still have to go. Because families need that closure.”
Bruce drummed his fingers on his knee. “I’ll be honest. You’re overqualified for this job. I looked into your company after Law told me you were interested in the position, and I worry you might get antsy and leave me high and dry.”
Annoyance bubbled to the surface. Proving my staying power was becoming a familiar refrain. I shoved the frustration down. “Can I be honest withyou?”
