Page 21 of Outcast

I’d always deserved more than that realm had given me... than the gods had given me. I served my sentence, bid my time, ruled with an iron fist for no reward. I would not be taken advantage of. So I took matters into my own hands.

I wasn’t naive enough to think Odin would not send someone after me. There was never any doubt I wouldn’t get away with it for long. But this short burst of freedom was everything I needed.

I stretched out on a blanket, soaking in the sun and reveling in the glow of it. The warmth was unlike anything I’d felt in centuries. The simple pleasure was quickly wiping away the bullshit I’d dealt with for the last year. Helheim held its own beauty, but it had nothing on the ever-changing beauty of Earth.

“You picked a nice hiding place, daughter.”

I frowned over at my father who had appeared beside me. I didn’t comment on his overly loud Hawaiian shirt and board shorts, but I rolled my eyes at his presence. If he could so easily drop in, any of the gods could.

I’m not ready for that.

“How did you find me?” I asked when he offered nothing else.

“You’re my daughter, I’ll always find you.” He shrugged before turning serious. “What is your endgame here, Hel? I can’t help you if the gods find you first.”

“Let them find me, I don’t care,” I argued. He snorted at my false bravado. I cared. The last thing I wanted was to be dragged before the God of Gods, or even worse, thrown in the Scourge. I knew if I returned to Helheim, it would not be in the same capacity I left it. I’d be nothing more than a wraith in the prison.

“Don’t lie to me.” This time Loki’s voice held no amusement. I could tell the chaos I’d caused was taking its toll. I hadn’t considered the heat he’d be taking for me.

Even knowing that now, I still feel no remorse. I did what I had to do to survive. That life was no longer for me, it was suffocating and dreary.

“Father. Make me human.” My words were clearly a plea and he looked down at me with wide eyes. We both knew the consequences of my request.

My father looked at me for a long moment before he spoke. His voice held resignation which was unlike him.

“If I take your powers and turn you human, then you will cease to exist when you die. There’s no afterlife for the soulless, Hel.”

I turned away from him and looked back over the ocean as a wave rolled in. The idea of not existing was terrifying but if it was my only alternative... I would take it.

Jealousy was never an emotion I’d considered before watching Harlow find her place in the world. The prophecy was clear enough I knew what was coming, but seeing her step into my place, with strong demons and gargoyles at her side, was enough to make me hate her. They worshipped her and broke their loyalty to me. She was the right choice as my predecessor, but it only made me want to get out of there more.

I wanted what she had, partners to share my life with, someone to confide in who I didn’t have to hold power over... what would that life be like?

As a human, I could surely find out. But would it be fair for my partner to suffer in the afterlife alone when my soul did not cross with theirs?

The one thing Harlow had that I lacked was emotions. Could I even love a human when I became one? Could I let this entire life fade away?

Ivar had found a way to love Harlow in his own way. Maybe I could find a way.

“Then let me fade, Father. I don’t get the luxury to travel from realm to realm, to go where I want. And I can’t return to that life. I wouldn’t if I could. I’m ready to move on. I need something more. I’ve seen what I’m missing out on, and I want that.

“I’d expect nothing less from a daughter of mine,” he said, chin held high. In an almost human gesture, he rested his hand on my shoulder, squeezing gently.

“You have to be certain. There’s no turning back. I can’t make you a goddess again, Hel.”

“I’m certain.” As I said it out loud, I knew it to be true. “There’s no turning back and I embrace that wholeheartedly.”

My father stood then, looking down at me with a downturned mouth. “I’ll try to do what I can to make certain you don’t disappear.”

There’re no words I can offer, then, nothing could change. Loki may possess a lot of power but he didn’t have the power to grant me a soul. He wasn’t the God of Creation. I wasn’t even sure Odin had that power.

I smiled up at him in an attempt to reassure him I was content with my choice. It wasn’t like I just decided one day to escape my realm and did it without planning. This was a well-thought-out series of events and I was happy with where I was now.

Without fanfare, which was strange for my father, he granted my request. The extra power that had been weighing me down, slipped away slowly. It was a relief to feel so light, and even without the power, I didn’t feel empty. In fact, I felt whole.

The sun was warmer on my skin, the scent of salty air stronger, everything was simply more. As if my power had dulled my senses and I was just now getting to feel, touch, and hear for the first time.

A laugh escaped me as I touched my face. There was no longer bone on one side, only skin. My body was whole as well. I was simply me.

---