Page 12 of One Cut Deeper

He has more shoes than I do. Five pairs of running shoes. I guess that’s why he’s so lean. Ugh. I hope he doesn’t expect me to start running with him.

Until I can hit the rest of the house, there isn’t much more to explore other than the cabinet with all the security equipment. I’m afraid to mess things up too much. For all I know, I’d make a satellite blow up somewhere if I hit the wrong button. I pull open the top drawer and am rewarded with several pamphlets, travel guides from all over the world, and photos. Most of the people are the same small group of five. On the back, he carefully recorded the place and date. Sudan. Kuwait. Honduras. Three men and two women wearing scrubs in most of the pictures. Doctors?

At the bottom of the drawer, I find the key that explains it all. Charlie stands in this picture with the entire group in a sunny place that makes me think of Africa. The others wear the same scrubs, but he’s dressed all in black, like tonight. The gun on his hip holds me frozen in shock.

A gun.

But he smiles at the camera, and they all look happy and comfortable with each other. The casual way he stands with his hand on one of the other men’s shoulder, the way the women tuck their heads together—it all screams of friendship. I have a hard time believing the people in this picture are to be feared in any way. I flip the picture over to see where it was taken, and I have my answer.

Doctors Without Borders.

Everything clicks into place. I let out a long breath, all my fear dissolving in a rush of pride. This man I can definitely match to Charlie. I can totally see him risking his life to help other people. It also explains why we board Sheba so often. He travels widely for his work. It’s dangerous too. More and more, humanitarian groups are forced to withdraw from troubled areas to protect their staff. I’m not sure if he’s some type of engineer or solely security. I don’t know if the alarm tonight was related to his job or merely a random incident. It doesn’t matter now.

I climb into bed beside Sheba and bury my face in the pillows, searching until I find the one that smells the most like him. Then I hug the pillow tight to my body, wishing I could wrap myself around him. Need that I’ve denied for ages throbs through my body, demanding release. I could get myself off but it wouldn’t be the same.

I wanthishands on my flesh, his fingers hard and unforgiving, his eyes boring into mine. His energy blazing through my mind, demanding my surrender. I want my skin raw with sensation, whether from pain or pleasure I don’t care.

I’ve been numb and frozen and scared for so long.

Now I want to hurt with feeling. Until my skin feels too tight to contain it all. I want to ache from head to toe with the need to be filled.

By him and him alone.

Sheba stands up and walks around in a circle until she’s finally happy and nudges closer. She’s huge and heavy, forcing me to squirm back a little to give her what’s evidently her favorite spot in the bed. It’s hard to imagine there’ll be room enough for me once the Master is home.

Maybe I’ll end up on top of him. That makes me smile as I drift off to sleep. Truth be told, I'll curl up on the floor beside his bed as long as I can be with him.

5

“Now that’s a sight I could get used to.”

I lift my head, so groggy I can’t decide if it’s light outside. Have I slept straight through the day and Charlie is home already?

Sheba bounds off the bed, yipping with excitement. Why didn’t she bark when he pulled into the garage or opened the door? Then I could have swiped a brush through my hair or gargled a little mouthwash. Instead here I sit, gaping like an idiot and horrified I’ve slept the entire day. I haven’t taken his dog out for a walk or fed her or anything.

But then I finally get a good look at the numbers on my watch. It’s only a little after ten. Not horribly late. Certainly way earlier than he expected to return. “Is everything okay?”

“We’ll see.” Unshaven and haggard, he studies me. If he was doing business at two and then flew back, then he didn’t get any sleep. “Let me put Sheba out and we’ll talk. I’ll just be a minute. She usually runs the property to check things out, and after last night, I want her to see what she can find.”

I nod, unable to gauge his mood. I don’t know him well enough yet. He doesn’t seem angry, exactly, but he’s far from the sexy man I threatened to welcome home by opening his pants as soon as he walked in the door. He barely even smiled.

As soon as he leaves the room, I jump up, grab my bag, and head for the bathroom. I’ll at least get rid of the morning breath. Either way I’ll be prepared, whether he wants a let’s-take-this-to-the-next-level kiss or a please-don’t-ever-bother-me-again goodbye. I wince at myself in the mirror. I should’ve worn something sexier than a tank top and pajama pants. I went for comfort, not sex appeal. My hair’s a ratty, tangled mass.

I hear him returning, so I step back into the bedroom just as he comes in. I pause in the doorway, unsure what I should do. I don’t want to dive for my clothes like a shy little virgin, but the energy between us doesn’t feel right. Where he sparked and excited me before, he banked that desire so thoroughly that his eyes are dead of all emotion.

Not dead, I decide, growing more worried by the moment. Guarded, resigned, and very sad.

“At least you can look me in the eye.” With a tired sigh, he sits on the edge of his bed. “That’s an improvement from yesterday at the clinic. I’m glad we haven’t gone back to you avoiding me completely.”

“I’m not avoiding you.” To prove my point, I step closer to him, though I’m still nervous enough about my appearance that I keep smoothing my hair to try to tame the bedhead. “I’m just confused. I didn’t expect you back so early. Some dog sitter I made. I didn’t even get her breakfast yet.” I laugh a little, hoping to ease his mood, but he still watches me with sad brown eyes. “Did something bad happen?”

“Yes, very bad. You were scared last night.” His jaw works and he drops his gaze to his hands loosely clasped across his knees. “You were scared of me.”

I drop down to my knees beside him and take his big hands in mine. “I didn’t know what was going on, that’s all. Did you find out what set the alarm off?”

“No. We’ll probably never know.” I lean against his knee, taking comfort in his presence. “It could have been a wild animal, a burglar hoping to walk off with some Christmas stash, or someone who came after me because of my job. Anyone who knows me in real life would know that Sheba would eat him for lunch.”

“Or it could have been Santa Claus trying to make an early delivery.”

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