Page 22 of The Raven Queen

“You want me to trust you?” Lyra scoffed. She stopped me and gripped my shoulders as she turned me to face her. “Then pull yourself together.” Her deep blue eyes hardened on me, lingering and seeing more than I probably wanted her to, but I didn’t want to hide from her. From them.

“Look,” she said, exhaling a heavy breath. “I don’t pretend to know what you went through before I met you, Fin, but this isn’t you. Whatever this princess did to you, it’s in the past. That’s what this is about, isn’t it? You need to be herenow. You have hundreds of people to protect in the present. People who have a sense of peace they’ve never even dared to hope for because of your efforts. And now the Sierra soldiers are likely coming for our settlement within a few weeks’ time, so you have to figure this out.”

I blinked at her. “Wow, nice pep talk.”

“Well,” she shrugged. “You’ve held it together for what, ten years? Don’t fall apart now. We’ll need a leader when we get back.” Lyra pointed out the window. “If that princess is the only way to figure this out, then get in, get your answers, and get out so we can move on. What’s the worst that could happen?”

Callon opened his mouth, but Lyra waved her hand to silence him. “Don’t answer that.” She sighed, her eyes searching mine again. “Del is theonlyreason we didn’t go back right away. So, see this through.”

My shoulders squared as I imagined myself through Lyra’s eyes. A pathetic, weak mess of a man still hung up on his boyish crush and still angry for betrayals I wasn’t sure I had any business holding Del accountable for, even if I wanted to. I was angry for circumstances that wouldn’t change unless I pushed it all aside again and did something about it.

“I know you, Fin,” Callon said, rising from the cot. He gave me a sidelong look as he handed me his mug of ale. “This isn’t just about seeing Del. She left a mark on you, sure, but you’re stronger than that. What are you really afraid of?”

That I dared to hope.Realization dawned on me at that moment. A single childish hope that not everything had changed. “I’m afraid I’m wrong, and Del’s not the same person I knew, and—” I hesitated. “And I don’t want to hate her.”

Lyra frowned. “I thought all of this brooding was because you sort of alreadydidhate her.”

Callon looked at her like she was daft. “Don’t you know? There’s a fine line between love and hate.”

I ran my fingers through my hair. Was that what this was? Love or hate? It was hard to name anything in between. “I’ve convinced myself that Del’s been a victim in all of this, like me,” I explained. “Or that she was ignorant of all the horrible things that have been going on. And tonight, I’ll learn the truth.”

“Then tonight,” Lyra said, brushing my hair from my eyes, “you’ll get the answers you need, so you can move on. For real this time.”

“Now,” Callon drawled and licked the pad of his thumb. He moved to wipe something off my cheek like his mother always did.

I elbowed him. “Quit.”

“What? You look like a wreck. Youaregoing to talk to a princess.”

“As if I need the reminder,” I grumbled, unable to resist a grin. And with Lyra and Callon standing before me, utter loyalty in their eyes and determination set in their shoulders, I knew what we had to do.

8

Del

Mother approached death as she approached life—with an iron will and a refusal to surrender. It had taken her over a day to give in. To finally let go.

But even she couldn’t hold out forever.

She was gone.

After clasping her frail fingers for so many hours, it felt strange to be empty-handed. I wandered the halls of Castle Corvo, aimlessly crisscrossing and retracing my path, Sid on my shoulder and Garath trailing behind me. The only consolation was that Alastor had yet to return. For the time being, I was free of his cruel comments and snide sneers.

But there was only one way I would be free of him forever.

At some point, I noticed my feet ached from walking for so long, so I meandered back toward my private chambers, pausing to check on Liam in his neighboring rooms. He was sound asleep in his bed.

I already knew I wouldn’t be able to sleep, not even after sitting up with Mother all night, listening to her rattling breaths grow shallower and less frequent. She had fallen into a pattern of taking several shallow, labored breaths, then nothing for longer and longer periods of time. More than once, I had sat, waiting as one minute passed, then another, wondering if another breath would ever come.

Eventually, it didn’t.

The wine cabinet tucked into the corner of my sitting room would provide the oblivion I desperately needed. I rarely overindulged, usually only on the nights I had tobewith Alastor. I always approached our marriage bed stone-sober, but it was afterward that I sought solace in the bottle, when Alastor sauntered out of the bedroom I only ever visited for our requisite couplings, and I retreated to the comfort of my own rooms.

As soon as I entered my private sitting room, I flipped one of the switches by the door to turn on the single overhead light above the fireplace. I wasn’t in the mood for bright places right now, not when my heart had been darkened by the events of the past day.

Sid launched from my shoulder and glided across the sitting room to land on the windowsill by the breakfast table, where Garath, Hills, and I took so many of our morning meetings. He hopped sideways along the sill, gazing out at the moonlit grounds far below.

I headed for the wine cabinet in the corner near the fireplace, pulled out two bottles of red and a corkscrew, and crossed to the window to set the wine bottles on the table.

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