“I know. I’m going to do something about that. I’m taking the bandage off now.” His hands were light on my back, then slowly they slid underneath me to my belly.
I sucked in a breath as his fingers found the knot he’d made beneath my breasts. His knuckles brushed against them accidentally. He froze.
“Sorry,” he said. “Can you lift yourself up? Just for a second.”
I swallowed and propped myself up on my elbows, a pained moan escaping my lips.
“Perfect.” He deftly untied the knot and pulled the bandage free. “Lie down.”
My chest crashed back onto the bed; the energy it had taken to hold myself up for even a second was almost more than I had. Rhyan tossed the cloth bandage on the ground.
It was soaked in blood.
I screwed my eyes shut, burying my face in his pillows.
“Can I take this off?” he asked, his hands on the bindings for my breasts. It was already loose and falling off of me.
There was a flare of heat in my wrist. The half-shift holding my breasts was the final barrier between me and any old scars I carried from Meera, the evidence of the secret I kept. My body began to shake. Panic flared anew within me.
“It’s all right,” he said. “You’re safe with me.”
“Yes.”
Gently, he undid the remaining ties and slid that off as well, and my entire back was bared to him.
“And this?” he asked. A hand with fingers full of calluses slid down my arm. He stopped right over the golden cuff I always wore. “Can I remove this?”
“No!” I said quickly. “That stays.”
“I’ll work around it,” he said.
He pressed a cool wet cloth against my skin. Rhyan moved it slowly, gently, mopping up the blood across my back.
“You’re all clean,” he said. “But I need to prevent infection. This might sting a little.”
“Are you on duty now?” I asked through gritted teeth. He ran the cleansing ointment over my back. He was wrong. It stung a lot, even with the scent of moonleaves smoking through the room. I buried my face in his pillow to keep from screaming.
“No. I’m here because I want to be.” He added some more oil, and I made a sharp, pained sound. “Sorry.” He leaned forward, his chest pressing against me from behind, and dropped something fluffy by my head. “Here’s another pillow. Squeeze it when it hurts.”
I did. And I bit down on the one beneath my head. “Fuck.”
“That’s the last of it,” he said softly. “The sunleaves will soothe the stinging.” Rhyan was quiet for a minute, switching to rubbing the paste onto my back. “Why does it matter if I’m here on duty or not?” he asked.
I turned my head, looking over my shoulder at him. “It matters.”
Another moment passed as he chewed on the corner of his lip. “Why?”
I frowned. “Because…I thought we were friends. And then you stopped speaking to me.”
One eyebrow furrowed. “I’ve never gone a day without speaking to you.”
I groaned. “Talking that wasn’t just you teaching me.”
He shook his head. “Even on the brink of death, you’re trying to have word debates. I’m going to set the bandages now,” he said. “Are you a stomach sleeper?”
“What? Um…I guess so, sometimes….” I laid my head back down. I was too tired to try and hold it up.
“You need to sleep on your stomach tonight.” His hands were on my back again, smoothing out the bandages. “Lyr,” he said quietly. His hands ran up my back over my shoulders, paused, then pulled away. “I have been quiet with you. And I’m sorry. It’s not…not that I didn’t want to speak to you.”