Page 49 of Daughter of the Drowned Empire
“Stop. I need to see Tristan,” I said, voice shaky. But I was losing confidence.
A part of me missed him terribly. He was so familiar, and he had seemed truly sorry that night. And yet…he had attacked me—and done so on behalf of the Imperator.
There was something else, too. I was afraid he wouldn’t want to marry me anymore. And even more afraid that I needed him to marry me. For if we did…perhaps that was another way out of my predicament.
“Where are you going with this thought?” Morgana frowned.
I sighed. “We were going to be engaged. He’d have become a Batavia per tradition of the ranking Kavim. But…if he’ll still have me…maybe I should become Ka Grey.”
“NO!” Morgana leapt from the bed.
Meera remained still, her expression thoughtful.
“I have no guarantee I’ll survive a week, much less until spring,” I said. “And what if the Imperator changes his mind before my test? Or the Emperor ends the arrangement on a whim? Then I’m banished into exile, and there’s nothing I can do! An alliance between Ka Batavia and Ka Grey sealed by marriage may buy me more time. Keep me safe. Father must hold back for the sake of politics. He can’t be seen evading justice, especially for his own blood. He—we know he had to let Jules go to protect us. Now I need to do what I must to protect you.”
“You’re farther than Lethea!” Morgana said, shaking her head.
“I’m not,” I said. “Ka Grey has less power in politics but more power in the financial sphere. They have money—more than we do. Money that would be mine if we married. Father’s hand might be forced, he might have to give me up. The name Batavia isn’t enough to keep me safe anymore. But as a Grey, their Ka’s pride would hardly allow them to lose a daughter-in-law. Or…” I swallowed, “a grandchild.”
“Stop it, Lyr,” Morgana said. “This is utter nonsense. You think money and politics are two separate worlds. They’re not. Don’t do this. It’s not the time to make some brash decision.”
“Brash? This was decided two years ago! Maybe even longer. Tristan was always my destiny, that’s why no one blinked for more than a minute when he started courting me.”
“But you weren’t going to take his name! He was going to take yours! And you certainly weren’t going to be pregnant at nineteen without finishing your studies!”
I threw my hands up. “Morgana, I was expelled. Finishing my studies is already lost at sea. Soturi have the strength of twenty men, and I’ve never trained a day in my life. How am I going to survive without magic?” I shook my head, tears forming. “What does it matter? You knew I was going to marry Tristan. This was always the plan.”
“No, it wasn’t. Not like this. You’re not going to throw away your birthright and hide as Tristan Grey’s fucking wife, acting like some breeder for Ka Grey!”
“Gods, Morgs! I love him.”
“You love him?” She was yelling now, her cheeks red. “You’ve been lying to everyone for so long, playing your part so perfectly as the virtuous Lady Lyriana, you’ve convinced yourself. Wake up! He assisted in arresting you! He called for Jules’s death. He regularly arrests and hands our kind over to monsters. And you! You have to psych yourself up just to kiss him! It’s been two years, Lyr, and you’re still not fucking him. Because you don’t want to, even if you won’t admit it. What kind of life is that?”
“And who do you think I do all of that for? For you! For Meera!” I scoffed. “How dare you attack the choices I make with Tristan! Are you in love with every single person you fuck? What’s your latest total? Huh? A hundred?”
“Fuck you!” Morgana pulled a flask from her belt and sucked down a sip.
“Enough! Both of you. We’re all on the same side here,” Meera said, her voice unusually commanding. She held out her arm, flashing her tattoo of the sun.
“Put your Godsdamned arm down. I’m not flashing my tattoo every time you want unity,” Morgana snapped.
I took a deep breath. “I’m sorry, Morgs. I didn’t mean….”
“It’s fine.”
But it wasn’t. Morgana had gone from being jealous of me having had my first kiss before her to sleeping her way through half her Mage Academy class. Sex, it turned out, had a similar effect to drugs and alcohol on her vorakh, taking her pain away. And between her mesmerizing beauty and mind reading, it wasn’t hard to find willing partners, male or female. I knew she enjoyed sex, but she didn’t enjoy needing it to ease her pain. I had been wrong to throw it in her face.
“I just…I don’t know what to do. I know our relationship isn’t perfect, but despite our problems, I’m going to take the chance to be with him. If he’ll still have me.” I stared at my hands, hating myself for saying that.
“If he’ll have you?” Morgana laughed. She sounded almost hysterical. “Myself to Moriel. Of course, he’ll have you! But you are so naïve if you think you can fix this by marrying into his Ka. Even more naïve if you think his grandmother will accept an alliance that doesn’t advance Ka Grey’s rank. And do not even think of becoming pregnant. Tristan still loves you, but Lady Romula may not be so keen when you can’t offer a worthy exchange. She has his balls tied to a leash, especially after his stunt last week. So stop thinking that you need him. You’re destined for greater than this.”
“Greater than Tristan? Greater than being the worst soturion in all Lumeria? Whatever destiny I had is lost, was stolen the moment Kolaya called my name! I’m out of options, and I need to do whatever it takes to survive!”
Meera shuddered as I yelled, but Morgana only looked more determined, sticking her face in mine.
“Mother would roll in her grave,” she said. “As would Jules!”
“How dare you—” My hand flew up.
