Page 98 of Daughter of the Drowned Empire
I stumbled forward, dizzy and in pain. I clutched my stomach. Gods. No. I couldn’t be sick. Not again, not with such a focused audience. Not after my first true test as a soturion.
“Lyr,” he said, a hand shooting out to my back to steady me. His palm pressed flat against my tunic, grabbing the material and pulling back. The subtle pull pushed my shoulders back and forced me to stand straighter. As I stumbled back, I pushed against his hand. It remained steady, literally holding me up. How was he that strong?
“Deep breaths, partner,” he said quietly. “I’ll get you out of here as soon as I can.”
My eyes closed. The pain throbbing through every single muscle was the only thing keeping me from falling over.
I couldn’t hear a word of the discussion or critique. I only knew I’d been humiliated. I looked weak and pathetic, and every second I stood there, I felt worse.
Finally, a mage ambled up to the circle, her stave pointed at the silvery ropes binding us inside. She swept the stave in a circle and uttered an incantation beneath her breath. Blue light sparked forward, swallowing the rope whole.
I felt the air warm instantly around me, and something that had been pinching my chest relaxed.
The other five soturi began to exit the field, all heading for the bathing room.
The only bright spot in the night—we weren’t forced to wait around until the end after the fight. We had the option to leave.
Rhyan walked silently beside me, leading me down winding halls until we came to a familiar door—our training room.
Only after Rhyan closed the door to our room did I sink onto the mat, tears already spilling. He was before me in an instant. His hand was on my chin tilting my head up. His thumb ran against my jaw. His nostrils flared, and then he was gone, rummaging through his bag and pulling out bandages and ointment.
“I’ll get you cleaned up,” he said.
But my anger and fear and frustration had bubbled to the surface, bypassing my pain.
“What the fuck!” I yelled. “Even putting me in at the start, I still had the shit kicked out of me. And they weren’t just….” I pushed the tears back and swallowed bile. “This wasn’t just some exercise, or clinic. It was personal. They were after me. And it’s not going to stop just because Dairen calls time or the night ends. They’re going to come for me any chance they get.”
Rhyan set down his first aid kit and moved to crouch in front of me. “They might.”
“Everyone out there has one goal in mind—making sure I fail. Gods. It’s only day three. How am I going to make it through seven months?”
“You’ll make it. You’re not going to fail.” He squeezed my arm. “You’re going to get stronger.”
“How?” I asked. “I have no magic, no real strength that can fight against the muscles they carry.” I buried my face in my hands. “I can’t do this. I’m not strong enough. I’m not cut out for this. And everyone out there fucking knew it. They’re going to delight in my failure.”
“So what? Fuck them and their opinions.” He squeezed my arm again. “You do have what it takes. It’s not up to them how you face this. It’s up to you if you fail or not. Forget them. Their opinion means nothing. All that matters now is what you think. Nothing else.”
“Right, my opinion and the Imperator’s.” I laughed, the sound harsh and bordering on hysterical as I looked up at him, his face inches from mine. More tears fell. “You’ve never lost to the Imperator before.”
His nostrils flared. “I’ve lost plenty. And I did so as the son of an Imperator. Trust me, the closer you are to one, the bigger the losses. That doesn’t mean I’m giving up.”
“It’s not the same. You have the chance to succeed here. You have power. You’re one of the best soturi in the world.”
“No, I’m—”
“Please. You’ve killed an akadim. You took on a bound five without a scratch.” I pulled my arm from his touch.
“I didn’t start with that. I worked my way up to it. Lyr, just because your power didn’t show up the way you expected at the Revelation Ceremony doesn’t mean you don’t have any. Listen to me, you do! You’re more powerful than you realize.”
“Right, I’m powerful,” I said sarcastically. “So powerful I can just stand against the ruling dynasty of the Lumerian Empire. So powerful I can tell the Emperor to give me another chance when he sees how weak I am. Don’t deny it. I saw how frustrated you were when the Imperator observed. And tonight, Rhyan, you lost it with me, because you think I’ll fail, too.”
“I don’t.”
“Gryphon-shit!” I jumped to my feet, and all at once, I lost my balance. I stumbled forward, and my vision blurred. Rhyan was right there, his arms wrapping around me.
“Hey.” He pulled me against him, settling us on the floor. “You need to sit down.”
I pushed him away, untangling myself from his arms. “You think I don’t know. You think I don’t see the look in your eyes or understand the weight I carry for both of us. If I fail, you fail.”
