Page 30 of Lady of the Drowned Empire
My heart pinched. A wave of grief came out of nowhere. I remembered this feeling—it was what I’d felt after Jules had been discovered as vorakh. I’d be living my life, experiencing a rare moment of peace, and then without warning, the tears would fall. The grief would rise. The panic and fear would appear like sudden rainstorms on a sunny day. The constant reminders that she was gone and the sensation of losing her all over again had plagued me for months.
“Partner?” Rhyan’s eyes searched mine.
“My father died,” I cried out, bursting into tears.
Rhyan’s face fell. “I know,” he said. “Shhhh. I know.” He laid us back down and held me against him. I was shaking and thrashing with the grief, overcome and overwhelmed in a way I hadn’t been allowed to feel since it happened. Rhyan shifted my blankets out from underneath me, momentarily breaking us apart, and I rolled onto my side, turning away from him.
“It’s okay, Lyr. Come here to me.”
But I couldn’t turn. I closed in on myself, pulled my knees into a fetal position. My body shook.
He pulled the blankets up to my shoulders and closed the distance between us, pulling my back against him. One arm slid under me from behind, his palm tucking beneath my shirt to lay flat against my belly, while his other arm wrapped over me, that hand pressing to my chest. “It’s okay. I’ve got you. You can let go. I’ve got you.”
I squeezed my eyes shut, as Rhyan held me tightly through every sob until I was cried out. My breathing slowed, and my face felt damp and swollen. My head ached from crying.
“Can you sit up?” he whispered, after my body had gone still for several moments. “Just to drink some water?”
I remained curled in a ball, my eyes still squeezed shut.
“Lyr? Please?”
“Okay,” I croaked, letting him pull me to a seat. A decanter of water had been placed across the room on a small table.
“One second,” he said. He vanished, appearing at the table, grabbing a glass, and filling it. He was back at my side a second later, forcing the glass into my hand. “Drink this.”
I stared dully at the water, knowing I was dehydrated from crying so hard.
“Drink that for me? Come on, partner.”
I gulped it down and handed the glass back to him.
“Good girl.” He laid me back down and stroked my back. “Why don’t you try to sleep so you can be ready for tomorrow?”
I sniffled. “Do you need to go?” I felt pathetic, needing him, not wanting him to leave me. I wasn’t sure how much time had passed or how much trouble he might be in if caught away from his post.
“No.”
“What about patrol?” I asked.
“Before I came, I traveled to, um, see Uncle Sean. He’s covering my post for me. It’s okay. I just killed an akadim. They won’t exile me for this. Worst case is a lash. I don’t care. I’m where I’m supposed to be right now. I’ll stay until you fall asleep.”
“Rhyan.” I shook my head. He had to be exhausted. Even if Sean was at his post, he was risking a lot.
“It’s fine. I swear.”
I curled my knees back into my chest, starting to shake again, to feel that familiar sensation of panic rise inside me. My hands were cold and my fingers going numb, the ceiling was caving in, my heart was pounding too hard, too fast, too loud.
Rhyan wrapped himself tightly around me, one knee sliding between my legs.
“Deep breaths, partner. Can you do that for me? Give me a few deep breaths?”
His chest, pressed to my back, rose and fell, and I breathed with him, my eyes swollen and heavy. His hand slid back inside my shirt, his fingers wrapping around the golden charm hanging from my neck, his vadati stone hidden inside it.
“Call me.” He gave the chain a light tug. “If you need me again. I don’t care what hour. I’ll be here.”
I nodded. “Even after I fall asleep,” I said, my voice small. “Will you still hold me a little longer?”
He kissed my shoulder again. “I’ll hold you until you’re dreaming.”
