Page 79 of Lady of the Drowned Empire
I opened my eyes, sitting up straight, nauseated from the dream. My room was dark except for the slivers of blue light pouring from my palm. Trying to catch my breath, I opened my hand. The vadati was glowing. I’d fallen asleep clutching it. My chest heaved, sweat beading behind my neck, my mind still halfway in the nightmare.
I clutched the stone to my heart.
“Lyr?” Rhyan spoke again. “I know it’s late. Or early, depending on how you look at it. I hope you’re asleep. And having a good dream. I hope at least one of us is getting rest.” He sounded miserable. “I miss you.” There was a loud sigh, and I was about to respond when he continued, “I’m sorry for earlier. I’m sorry for this whole week. I shouldn’t have left. You were right. I ran away. Like a coward. And I’m sorry.” There was a long pause. “I’m so sorry. I’ve been miserable here. Not sleeping. Worrying about you. Feeling so fucking guilty. Stupid.” He groaned. “I know what gryphon-shit it was to even think I could even the score. Or make amends. I know that’s not possible. It will never be even, it will never be enough. I left because…because I was scared.” His voice broke. “I failed. I didn’t keep them safe. Like I didn’t keep my mother safe. Or…Garrett.”
Garrett? He’d never spoken that name before.
“And I just kept thinking, what if I’m not strong enough for you? What if I fail you? Lyriana,” he sobbed my name.
“Rhyan,” I said. “I’m here.”
“Partner?”
“I’m here.”
“Did—” There was a slight rustling that echoed beyond his voice like he was shifting in his blankets. “Did you hear everything?”
“I did.”
There was a long pause and then, “I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay. Just come back. Please?”
“I am. I’m coming home to you tomorrow. First thing. I swear.”
“Thank the Gods.” I breathed a sigh of relief, lying back against my pillows. “What happened?” All week he’d barely spoken to me, refused to give me his oath that he’d return. I’d seen him like this before, going down a self-destructive path. He’d tried to convince me he was bad, unworthy. He’d allowed his past failures and father’s words to mess with his mind. But the last time this had happened, I’d been with him and able to talk him down, bring him back to me. I couldn’t help him when he was away, not when he was shutting me out.
He was silent.
“Rhyan? Please. You barely spoke to me all week. Did something happen tonight? What changed?”
I could hear him shifting again. “Nothing. Everything. We had a close call. Me and an akadim. I killed it. Add it to the list,” he said with a laugh, though I could tell he was covering a deeper emotion.
Three akadim kills for him. I wouldn’t count Haleika. That was mine. And it was one I’d never brag about.
I pulled my blankets up to my chest. “Are you okay? Are you hurt?”
He let out a heavy breath. “No. A little bruised. Not hurt.”
“Do you swear?”
“I swear. I’m not hurt. Just had a close call. The beast came up behind me, caught me off guard. It’s dead now.”
“Auriel’s bane.” I clutched my chest, taking my own deep breath. “And that changed things for you?” I tried to control my breathing, hating how worried and fearful I felt knowing he’d come so close to one of the monsters, knowing it had bruised him.
Only a bruise was miraculous. But still.
“It, well, I wouldn’t say it clarified anything. Shit, Lyr, the moment I left, I regretted it. And I missed you so fucking much. But I was so messed up. I just, I don’t know, I needed some time to get myself together. The nightmares…they were so bad. You were having them, tossing and turning in my arms, crying, and I was having them with you, and I felt so helpless, and I just…I panicked. I’m sorry. And then tonight, when there was a moment, and—” His breathing grew heavy. I was having trouble understanding his words, he seemed so overcome with emotion. “I thought, fuck. What if I never see you again? I couldn’t bear it. Couldn’t bear the thought. Fucking tore me apart.”
“You will see me again.”
“Gods, I just want to hold you.”
“I want that, too.”
“Tomorrow,” he said.
“Yes. Tomorrow. Are you coming home the traditional way?”
