Page 12 of Eternal

Soren looks put out but continues his argument with our fathers, but I can’t stand being in this room any longer. I need a moment to breathe. Soren falters for a moment as I abruptly stand from the table, and walk out.

I make my way to my favorite room. My library. I sit on the bench in front of the crackling fireplace. My toes and hands are cold. My mind returns to our marriage's purpose and how Soren reacted. Will our future ever be happy, or will I be damned to live a miserable life chained to someone who doesn't love me? My thoughts are interrupted when I hear the door click shut. I didn't realize I had been crying when I looked up and saw Soren looking down at me, a mixture of sadness and anger painted on his face.

“Do you mind if I sit with you?” Soren gestures to the seat next to me.

I shake my head and scoot over to make more room for him. We sit in silence, staring at the fire. He’s the first to break the silence between us.

“I tried to reason with our fathers, and they won’t budge.” He looks up at the ceiling with his arms crossed across his chest, shaking his head.

More tears spill down my cheeks, my mind is completely blank.

“Did you know when you met me last night?” I accuse him.

“No, Freya.” He looks exasperated. “I didn’t know. If I had known, I wouldn’t have introduced myself.”

I watch him as he loosens his tie, unbuttoning the first two buttons of his shirt. In the corner of his eye, he catches the bar cart next to the fireplace. He stands and pours a drink, turns his body to me, and holds up the bottle. I thrust my arm out as if to say just give me the bottle. He turns back to what he is doing and downs his glass, bringing the bottle back to the bench. He offers it up, and I take a long drink of whatever it is. It’s whiskey. It burns the whole way down, and the burn hurts less than knowing my future is being taken away from me. We sit silently, passing the bottle back and forth, watching the fire, and sneaking looks at each other.

“We don’t have to do this, by the way. I can find a way out of it for us,” Soren says after taking a rather large gulp from the bottle.

I shake my head, “I can’t risk it, Soren. Abe is more important than you realize. For Serena and myself. He’s quite literally the reason why we are both still alive.”

“Yeah, but I can--”

“Soren,” I turn my body towards him, “I know you don’t want to get married, or even be tied down to someone. Believe me when I say this, this is just as hard for me as it is for you. I never wanted to be chained to someone in the name of my father’s company. I wanted to fall in love, and do it properly rather than become like everyone else in this world. But I can’t risk my sister’s happiness. She’s achieved more than I have in this lifetime. She’s found love, found her happiness, found her place in life. I’m still figuring all this out myself. I’m sorry, Soren. But I can’t risk it. We have to go through with it.” I finish with a choked sob as tears stream down my face freely.

One of Soren’s fingers comes to brush a tear away. "Okay. I understand.” His voice is hushed and strained, his hand drops back down between us.

Silence falls over us as we process our future. Surely we can find happiness, right? We can be different from everyone else. We won’t have to live in a loveless relationship with other people keeping us warm at night. But, where is he at? He’s been obstinate this entire time.

“So what’s next?” I ask, looking at him.

Soren shrugs, “I suppose they told us tonight so we can be prepared for tomorrow night at the gala. After that, there will be wedding planning, then the wedding. I don’t know what will happen after that,” He snorts, shaking his head, “I never have wanted to be married, never wanted kids, never wanted to settle down with anyone or anything.”

Soren’s words are not soothing to me. I start to cry more. My dreams are shattered, laying like shards of a broken mirror. I will never be in a marriage filled with love and happiness. I will never have children with the love of my life; if I do, they can inherit our wealth; I will never be happy. At this point, I’m sobbing, my whole body racking with sobs. Soren puts a hand on my shoulder, rubbing my back but sitting in the same place. He doesn’t apologize for his words but continues.

“We will eventually find our happiness. Perhaps not together, but it’s better than nothing. You can publish your book, we can have children, and you can find other lovers. All things to keep you busy from me. I’ll be happy with my company, future companies, our children, and other lovers. We will find a dynamic that works for us, Freya. Just keep faith.”

I stand abruptly, no longer wanting him to touch me. He looks startled, but his eyes read cold and calculated. I shake my head, putting my hands on my hips. I look down at the hardwood flooring, more tears spilling over. I can’t stop the tears.

“What do you not like about that, Freya?” Soren questions me, wiping his hands on his expensive pants.

I look at him with tears and a lump forming in my throat. I want to tell him that I just want him and that I want him to only need me. No one else. I’m traditional when it comes to marriage. I’ve seen what this world looks like, how no one likes their spouses, they all sleep around with others. I wanted to be different from that. I wanted to be able to stand by my husband’s side and say I truly love him. Look every motherfucker in the face and tell them we are co-leaders of our company. I bite my lips in trying to stop myself from crying more. The look on my face says it all to Soren. He sighs and runs a hand through his hair.

I smile softly as tears stream down my face. “When I was little, I dreamt I would meet my prince charming who would rescue me from my family. Take me away to a house with a white picket fence. Would love me deeply. We’d have babies and pets. And we’d live happily ever after.” I pause for a moment, swallowing the lump forming in my throat. “But that won’t ever happen from the sounds of it.” I finish in a whisper and hang my head low.

“Freya, I can’t promise you the life you wanted with the white picket fence and a marriage filled with love and happiness. I can promise that I will keep you safe, always be your confidant regardless of our happiness, and always will care about you. It might not be love, but I will always care.” I turn away and walk to the bay window, looking up at the stars. “Freya, truth be told. I’ve never loved anyone. I’ve been in relationships with people for many years, and though I’ve said the words, they had no truth behind them. I want our relationship to be at least based upon the truth.”

I sniffle, trying to calm myself down. Soren stands and comes closer to me, stopping in front of me. He leans down and presses a kiss on the top of my head. “Goodnight, Freya.” He pauses for a moment, his lips lingering as he strokes my hair.

He turns and walks out the door, shutting it softly. I hear his footsteps trailing further away and the front door closing with a slam, shaking the whole house. The moment the door slammed, I started sobbing again. Head in my hands, and I let all my emotions out. A soft knock on the door breaks the tension of sobs and the crackling fire.

“Go away.” I bark.

Serena appears with Abe closely behind her. “Come on, Freya, let’s go home.” Serena softly tries to pull me to my feet. I’m too weak to stand at this point.

She looks at Abe and pulls her long coat over me, and Abe lifts me to carry me down the stairs and out the door. There’s an eerie silence between the three of us as we make our way back home. In the lobby of Serena's apartment building, I can finally stand on my own, but Serena keeps her arm wrapped around my waist. She helps undress me, takes my jewelry off, and puts me into some PJs while I continue to cry. Pushing me to get in bed, she pulls the covers over me. She gets undressed and walks out, returning with a glass of water. The other bedroom door shuts, indicating Abe is going to bed alone. Serena crawls into bed, spooning me from behind as I cry myself to sleep.

Even with everything I’ve been put through tonight, my haunting memories came creeping back for me still. Reminding me that I will forever be chained to their abusive thoughts.

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