Page 48 of Love Thy Brother
Wrenching myself away, I ducked around a corner and crouched by an oil-stained wall. “You gonna be more specific, or make me guess what the fuck you’re talking about now?”
“I’m still talking about Rubes. About both of you. Together. I want you to know that I’ll regret hurting you both so much my whole fucking life.”
I sagged against the wall. I’d been suffocating since Cam had dropped his bomb, my lungs dusty and dry, but the self-loathing in his words destroyed me all over again. As if I hadn’t spent the last few years forcing blame down his throat at every opportunity like the self-absorbed cunt I’d become.
My whole world felt upside down. I pressed the knuckles of one fist into my sorest eye, grinding my eyeball against my skull, seeking solace in the pressured discomfort. But there was no relief to be found. Not from this gigantic mess of our own making. “Cam, I know why you did it. Maybe if I’d been in your position, I’d have done it too.”
It was the most reasonable thing I’d ever said to him. And it shocked him. I could tell by his silence. By the breath that caught in his chest. On a roll, I hit him with another truth grenade. “But none of that matters anymore. Whatever happens, it’s too late for a happy ending.”
“Why?”
“Because he’s fucked with my head too much. Because I’ve spat in his face too many times. Pick a reason. They all work.”
“Only because you think nothing ever changes. That the world stops turning as you see it and you never take the time to look twice.” Cam spoke with caution, more careful with his words than I probably deserved. “But everything’s different now. With the club. Withme.”
“You settling down with two fellas doesn’t change the world for anyone except you.”
“Not what I meant.”
“Explain it then.”
“For real? I ain’t wasting my breath if you don’t want to hear it.”
I stretched my legs out in front of me, tipping my head back against the wall. Oscar was away again, a state of affairs that usually left me on a week-long bender and definitely not in the mood for a deep and meaningful with my big brother. But since the night Rubi had thrown Jonsey into the sea, I’d been good. Going home. Taking a shower. Crawling into bed to twitch in my own skin and stare at the ceiling until I fell asleep. Couldn’t say I felt better for it, but if Cam wanted to talk, I was listening. “Speak your mind, bro.”
“This thing with that property firm—”
“Not about that.”
“It’s all relevant.”
I exhaled a ragey breath. “It had better be. I didn’t sign up for a lecture on protecting the club’s assets.”
“I’m not lecturing you. I’m trying to explain that what you ran from doesn’t exist anymore—not the way it used to, anyway. There’s a reason you’ve had ket on tap this past year. Why Porth Luck thinks it’s Tower Hamlets by the sea. Have you ever stopped to think about that?”
Not long enough to form a concrete answer. I took drugs to stop thinking. Not to spend my evenings pondering shit I didn’t care about.
You do care—no, I had to. There was a difference. “Keep talking.”
“We pulled out,” Cam said. “Of the whole trade. Distribution, supply, protection. We cut ties and lost turf. Gave up everything that wasn’t legitimate and scaled our operations back to the yard and the haulage firm. Made us skint as fuck for a while, but we’re getting there.”
“You gave upeverything?” I couldn’t keep the disbelief from my voice.
Cam’s dry chuckle rumbled down the line. “We still have the bars and clubs. And we’ve flipped some properties to keep the cash flow where we need it. But as far as business goes, we’re as legit as we’re ever gonna be.”
It still wasn’t enough to hold up in a court of law, but was it enough for me? “What about old beefs? That shit never goes away.”
“It doesn’t,” Cam agreed. “But it’s harder to hit someone who’s living their life in the open. And it’s harder for us to hit other people, but that doesn’t mean we can’t. That wewouldn’tif we had to. I’m not pretending we’re different people, cos we’re not. All I’m saying is that we’re trying.”
“Trying to what?”
“To give the people we love a better life. A betterfuture.Fucking hell—” Cam lit a cigarette. I heard the click of the lighter and his deep inhale before he went on.“Two of my council have kids, Riv. Young kids that need their dads. I don’t want them to suffer what we did, and I don’t want my brothers to live with the fear they’ll never see them grow up. But most of all, I just fucking want you to come home.”
“I am home,” I replied automatically.
Cam snorted. “No, you’re not. And wherever Rubi is, neither will he be as long as you’re gone.”
* * *
