Page 34 of My Monster, My Choice

A rearing that might have been more difficult under my parents’ roof. Maybe one of my married brothers might have taken us in.

But my son would never have had a normal life. Now that I look back at Carlton’s upbringing—I saw him through a child’s eyes back when I loved him, overlooking so many things because of that love. He had issues he had to overcome, just as we all do. He couldn’t stand up to people. He was bullied by his father, ever since his mother passed. Would that have rubbed off and he might have bullied our son?

Who knows? While I will always love and mourn the child I lost, something intuitive down inside me knows it was the best outcome for the time. While I hate and refuse to accept that realization, it comforts me at the same time for the horrible choice I made.

I forgive my father and my almost father-in-law. Given time and without the shock of Carlton’s death, it’s with great sadness and regret to know I would have made the choice myself. I would have come up with the credits to go to a hospital and had it done without the infection that took my uterus.

A choice that should not affect the man I love.

His mouth takes mine, hard and punishing and there’s something sick and broke inside me because I love it.

When he pulls away, triumphant with my uncontrolled response, I deliver the killing blow.

“How could I not physically want you? You know my body and I know yours. But emotionally it’s over. Don’t come back unless it’s just a quick fuck. And don’t expect this pussy to remain exclusively yours during your absence.”

His hand comes around my neck, the larger size of it feels like it wraps around completely. My heart is pounding inside my chest—he’s so fucking powerful, he could snap my head off with one squeeze. And yet there’s no fear within me, not for myself.

Elex leans close, his breath brushing the wisps of hair from my cheek. “Do you really wish to cause so many deaths? I will kill any male who touches you, my mate.”

I open my mouth, about to argue that I’m not his mate when his mouth descends on mine.

“Now smile for our boy, Christina.”

Harsh, punishing lips take mine in a hard kiss until I push him away, my hands flat on his chest.

“Mum? Whatsa wrong?”

I whirl around. My son is holding up two ties, one in purple and one in gold. The ties match Elex’s uniform.

“Nothing, baby. Elex and I are just talking before he heads out to the portal.”

“Ain’t you gonna get dressed?” Kenny’s clever eye looks me up and down.

Elex’s strong forearm snakes around my waist and pulls me back against him, then presses a kiss to the top of my head.

“Yourmamanis sad about me leaving. She may wear her pajamas to the send-off if she wishes.”

Kenny’s face breaks into a grin. “Is okay, mum. Elex said he be back before we knows it. An’ he’s can visit every month. We stilla gonna see him.” His little gaze sharpens. “You still…you stillmates?”

“Of course,” Elex and I both say together.

“Okay.” His smile is back full force. “Then no other womans gonna look at Elex ‘cause he already taken, right?”

“That’s right,” Elex agrees, his voice carrying over my head. “Now, maybe yourmamancan decide if she’s going to dress or not, and I’ll help you pick which tie?”

He swats my ass, leaving a sharp sting, and I glare over my shoulder at him as Kenny agrees.

I head up the stairs, leaving the two of them discussing ties. So Elex will be back to visit? I’ll have to make sure we’re busy when those days arrive. Sooner or later, he’ll see that distance was for the best.

Everything happens for a reason, especially when it’s out of our control. The universe gives us signs—the first one was that he lives on another planet, for gosh sakes. The second was that he wants kids and I already have my own family. We’re at two completely different points in our lives.

A quick shower and dress later, the bedroom door opens and a brooding Elex stands in the doorway of the bathroom, watching me brush out my hair.

“Kenny is in the backyard catching butterflies as he waits for us.”

He looks resigned to the fact that he knew the breakup was coming. Perhaps I was better than I thought during those fights he would shut down.

“Why?” he asks.

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