Page 56 of My Monster, My Choice

ChapterTwenty-One

CHRISTINA

When the weekend comes, I don’t have to worry about Tera dragging me with her to see the medic. Relion and Kenny go with her, and it gives me time with Elex. Time I know I shouldn’t take, but I justify it as one last romp before I try to distance things again.

Maybe explain a little more this time. Tell him that I love having him around but that I’m just not ready to mate. Beg him to pretend for the sake of my son. I know Elex loves Kenny and would be willing to do that for us.

God, I’m so tired of this. Why can’t I just have him? Why can’t I just admit to him that I can’t give him what he needs? Maybe I should. Maybe he’ll understand and work with me if he realizes I can’t give him babies. I think I knew this all along, but I didn’t want to go this route. I didn’t want to force Elex to make a stand. To choose me or his future.

I’m a nervous wreck, my mind skittering back and forth.

He’s calm as we hike about the property, like he senses I need some mental space. When he brings me round to the back where the midwifery school sits, then mentions the luncheon that the Britonians have set up, my heart immediately clamors in my chest.

“Where are we going?” Even to my ears, my voice sounds shrill and out of control.

“We’re just visiting with Mikhail, Mindy, and Calbin. Tera, Relion, and Kenny are there. They brought some food to share with everyone. That’s all.” His brow raises at my reaction. “It’s not often that Britonian females leave the compound. This will be the one chance you have at meeting their mate.”

“I—uh—well, they’re busy right now. Giving exams to women.”

“I know. That won’t stop them from talking to us. They set aside time to eat. Besides, we’ll get to see Tera and Kenny, hear her news as to whether another little one will be feasible.”

I don’t want to step foot in the building. I’m quaking with fear, sweat beading on the back of my neck, afraid they’ll all try to talk me into a medical exam while I’m there. Like the wonderful man he is, Elex notices.

“Relax, my love. No one is forcing you to have an exam,” he says softly.

What?

“Why would you think I think that?” I bluff.

“I know, Christina.”

My gaze cuts from the building to him. “What?”

“I know you can’t havekish.”

There’s a roaring in my ears and I can feel the blood pooling to my feet. “How do you know?” My voice drags out in a hoarse whisper.

He shrugs. “You just confirmed it.”

My stomach sinks and I stare at him in raw agony.

“But I don’t care,” he says, reaching for the back of my neck to pull me toward him and kissing me hard. “You are a proudmamanto Tera and Kenny and our family is already complete. We will love and protect anykishrenthat Tera and Relion have besides Telilah. You don’t ever have to be ashamed of yourself for what you can and cannot do.”

“I had a pregnancy terminated, Elex.”

He shrugs. “I’m sure it was a decision you reached that was for the best at the time.”

“It resulted in me not being able to carry another. That’s my punishment.”

He looks at me in puzzled confusion. “Do you really believe that? Why does the Goddess give us the right to make choices if we are punished for making them?” He pulls me to him and presses his forehead to mine. “Christina, I love you. I loved you from the first moment I saw you in that dining room. It doesn’t matter to me if we have morekishrenor not. Our lives are full.”

“But you don’t have any of your own, and your species is here to procreate. To find wives…mates…to have children. I can’t give you that, even if I wanted to.”

“I’m sorry.” He takes my hand and looks down into my eyes. “But I still feel that you’re flawless, you’re beautiful, you’re amazing, and so fucking strong, I am honored to be in your presence. I am honored that youallowme to be in your presence, that you’ve allowed me in your bed.” He kisses me again. “Beautiful. Sexy. Vibrant female. Maybe a little young for me, but I can pretend you’re another few years older since you already have an adult daughter.”

I snort a laugh, but it’s quivery and unsure. “Elex. I’m sorry. I wanted to tell you, but I was so scared.”

“Of what, my love? All I want is for you to be mine. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.”

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